oooooh the lengthiness of the last weeks before vacation!

People, it is 9 days 8 hours fifty eight minutes and twenty two seconds til the last days of work (yup - I am geeky enough to have actually placed a countdown timer on my desktop!)

I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF!! No really.

BUT TIME IS DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGING!!
so loyal readership (cher)
what's news?

So on friday i have two year end parties - one day and one night and both of them are pirate themed... what are the chances.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

Have i used that title before? probably. I'll be honest, it's not my most original effort, but it is VERY multiplicable. Yes, i made that word up, hence it is a cazism.

Multiplicable: - (adj) Applicable in various ways, Applicable for a number of reasons, eg. the title of Jake White's autobiography In Black and White is multiplicable in that it refers not only to the colour of the text on the paper, but also puns on his surname as well as referring to the racial debate in SA rugby.

I could SO write dictionaries!

Anyway, to expand upon the multiplicable nature of THE FINAL COUNTDOWN:

1) It is the final countdown - 17 days to go - until I take a ONE MONTH VACATION!!!!! (Don't moan... masters and a full time job - you KNOW I deserve it!!)

2) It is the final countdown - a matter of hours - til one of my favourite people gives birth to her bambino and I find out whether I'm an aunty or an uncle. haha, ok til i find out if it's a boy or a girl... clarification for those that live in these parts: KATE IS IN LABOUR - woohoo!!

3) It is the final countdown until I am back to my wedding weight.... lost 6kgs only 4 to go.

4) It is the final countdown until I see my dog - PHOEBE!! Yay! And also all my brothers, my neice, my folks and my gran!
This is Phoebe... how cute is that!!


5) It is the final countdown til I find out whether or not I am preggers, knocked up, etc. HA HA Cherilyn, don't freak out... I REALLY REALLY doubt it, however, due to extenuating circumstances there is a slight chance.

6) It is the final countdown til I hear whether or not I passed my Masters (sometime at the end of the year)

So anyway, I trust I have been successful in embedding that song in all of your heads? haha

Whose birthday is it??

LISTS

So I found an interesting new blog click here to see it - quite cool - and it inspired me to make my own little list which I'm sure will be added to over the coming weeks and I hope you guys will add to it to (if there is anyone out there....anyone at all?)

LIST OF THINGS THAT BUG THE HELL OUT OF ME:
* Vodacom service provider (obviously)
* Facebook users that invite you to every stupid application there is - like vampires???
* Facebook profiles that have a gazillion applications and take forever to load
* IT people who know less than me
* Cold weather when it is meant to be summer :(

LIST OF THINGS THAT MAKE ME EXCEPTIONALLY HAPPY:
* My hammock!!!
* My band!!!
* The month of holiday that is fast approaching
* Being done with my masters (and seriously this one is big enough to stay on the list for my whole life!)
* My absolutely ADORABLE neice. Seriously, how cute is this child!!!

NO MORE NERDINESS

Ok guys, I know i've been a disgrace to blogland, but it's been a heavy year!!!

But never mind, below, you see before you SUCCESS!!!


Ok that is me*, the blogger formerly known as nerdabluddylert with my completed masters thesis. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The relief is beyond description.

Of course, there will be even more relief when i know whether or not i actually passed!!!

Anyway, now do you forgive me scarcity?? scareceness??? or whatever?

* DISCLAIMER: please note that that is me after arriving at work at 8am (ok, fine 8.45) and leaving at 2.30am - working for 18 hours straight!!! so I am looking smelly and tired and mildly neurotic - this office is creepy after midnight!!!!!

How to annoy a vegetarian

Found this article on news24.com. I think it's fantastic!!

The next time you get the urge to antagonise a vegetarian – and if you're a meat-eater you probably suffer from a perverse need to do so – lean towards them over the dinner table and deliver one of the following immortal lines:

1. Did you know Hitler was a vegetarian?
2. But you’re wearing leather shoes.
3. So what made you give up meat – was it for religious reasons?
4. Moo/Baa/Oink (in accordance with whichever meat dish you’ve just ordered).

This will elicit a reaction, but not, as you may like to think, because you’ve ruffled fragile vegetarian sensibilities with your rogueish wit. The real reason they’re peeved is that they’ve heard all of these facetious remarks (not to mention the barnyard impressions) many, many, many times before. The prospect of getting into an argument with you also bores them to death, so more often than not they’ll just give you a pained smile and return to their tofu.

But there are lots of important things they could say to you on the topic, so, to save them the bother and tedium, I’ve listed the appropriate responses to the above comments for you here (except for number 4, which is too puerile to waste another second on).

Vegetarians, please feel free to print out and distribute as needed:

Did you know Hitler was a vegetarian?
Let’s just consider for a moment what the man would have been like, and the implications for world history, if he hadn't been a vegetarian. And anyway, there are enough overwhelmingly virtuous famous vegheads - Gandhi, Albert Schweitzer, St Francis of Assisi - to cancel him out.

But you’re wearing leather shoes
This is quite a tricky one actually… OK, here goes:

The world is a complicated place, rendered in shades of grey. Deciding not to care about an issue just because it gets a little confusing and morally murky is sheer intellectual laziness. It’s not great to wear an animal’s hide on your feet, true, but it’s considerably better than wearing one animal’s hide and also partaking of the flesh of several others.

So what made you give up meat – was it for religious reasons?

The irritating implication of this question is that if you can demonstrate you’re a vegetarian for religious-cultural reasons, then you’ll have the right to be taken seriously, whereas any other reason is somehow flakey and light-weight. Here are some of those ‘light-weight’ reasons:

Because it eases the burden on the health system
Buddha aside, how many overweight vegetarians can you think of?

Studies suggest that a vegetarian diet reduces risk for some of the biggest killers stalking the modern world:

Cardiovascular disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and stroke
Cancer, especially of the colon and reproductive organs, Obesity,
Type 2 diabetes, Gallstones and diverticular disease

In addition to these ills, feeding on other animal species, especially when they’re kept en masse for convenient culling for the dinner table, is not a great idea if you consider the communicable diseases that have arisen from the practice. Bovine spongiform encephalopathy (mad cow) and avian influenza (bird flu), to name just a couple. And let's not forget that HIV/Aids is thought to have had its origins in the human consumption of other primates i.e. bushmeat hunting.

Because it eases the burden on the planet
Billions of flatulent cows and, to a rather lesser extent, sheep, produce an awful lot of methane, one of the most potent of the greenhouse gasses. This, plus the vast amounts of fossil fuel required to accommodate, slaughter, aesthetically package and transport all that tasty meat makes livestock farming one of the biggest contributors to global warming.

And it takes up huge tracts of land and gallons upon gallons of water. Growing crops uses resources too, but nothing like as much. Besides which, most of those crops are used, not to feed the world's growing human population, but to feed livestock destined for meat-eaters’ plates: about two thirds of grain produced is fed to animals farmed for meat and milk.

Because underdogs rule
Despite a slight increase in visibility and status in recent years, vegetarians remain an often derided and unappreciated minority. But it’s always been cooler to be an underdog than a top dog, to buck the system than to slavishly follow the status quo.

Vegetarians' cool rating is further elevated by some of the Names they have in their midst: J.M. Coetzee, Alice Walker, Steve Jobs, Annie Lennox and, for some unfathomable reason, a large number of pro skateboarders, BMXers and other extreme athletes. OK, there’s also Larry Hagman and Pamela Anderson, but that just serves to show there is no such thing as a vegetarian ‘type’.

But mostly they’re cool because they’ve put some pretty deep concerns before the craven appeasing of their own appetites. As freestyle BMX vet and all-round ultra-cool extreme vegan dude Taj Mihelich succinctly puts it: “I don’t think that I’m so important that an animal has to die every time I want to eat.”

nerd a bluddy lert

Hi all
I'm sorry i suck so much! phew. It's the Bluddy Masters. Note: the official title is now The Bluddy Masters. Not the Masters, the BLUDDY masters.

SOOOOOOOOO tired of it now. tired of reading about climate change.

Figured out that I have been studying now for 19 YEARS!!!! NERD-A-BLADDY-LERT!

My thesis needs to be in and complete at the end of Oct so i pretty much need to finish this weekend to allow time for corrections etc. OOOOH THE STRESS!!!

the band has been away ALL WEEK so i have got some work done. But it has been sooooooooo lonely and i've had horrible nightmares every night - tam: even worse than a nipple on your bum! All these shark dreams and dreams about radioactive virus things and poisonings and supporting the indian cricket side. seriously.

Anyone out there a grey's anatomy fan? How yum is mcdreamy!?

anyway, i'll be back sooner next time.

Sux

These are things which suck at present:
* I have flu AGAIN (cough cough cough)
* I have a blister on my ankle from my stoopid leaking hot water bottle and it is feeling sorer than it should... I hope they don't have to amputate
* stupid blogger doesn't allow for bullet points so i have to use these dumb little *s
* I can only breathe through one nostril
* one of our cars was stolen last night
* it was the one i moaned about and called a pile of crap
* it wasn't insured
* i have to sit at home tonight and work on my masters

Hen's night... help!??

So I'm trying to organise a very last minute somewhat unofficial hen's night for a buddy of mine. Her wedding and all her bridesmaids are in natal, but she has moved to stellenbosch and has a lot of friends here who can't make the hen's night in natal.

Anyway, so now i am trying to put together a quickie low key one for thursday night. I NEED TIPS PEOPLE! And tips a little more creative than "strafdops".

One idea which i thought was quite funny was as she opens her presents (it's a lingerie party) someone writes down what she says and at the end she has to read out all the comments and we say it's what she'll be saying on her wedding night. So it will be look "Oh that is soooo cute! I love purple. Thanks so much, that's lovely!" etc. hahaha, Ok, well i think it is pretty funny. Anyway, what else? I am stumped. Anyone got a good recipe for mohitos? I thought that afterward we could take her out in Stellenbosch with a "scavenger" list of duties etc. I had one on my hen's night and it was pretty funny. For example: I had to take a photo inside the guy's bathroom, I had to collect 3 chest hairs, I had to sing a song on a table, i had to get 3 guys to propose, etc etc. And because you're dressed funny with the list hanging around your neck, people get really into it. WHAT ELSE THOUGH???

I’m married to a saint… and sometimes I want to kill him

So I don’t know if I mentioned it, but last month I got a lovely new car. It’s beautiful. Air con, power steering, great sound system, doesn’t have the tendency for sporadic epileptic fits as soon as I hit 100km/hr, doesn’t require a broom handle to hold the boot open. All in all, by my standards pretty darn luxurious. Driving it makes me feel happy. It makes me WANT to run random errands.

Ok, so now you know, I love the new car.

Unfortunately I have pretty much forgotten what it looks like. Why? Because my darling, wonderful, generous husband, ever so kindly lent it to his boss’s wife for 3 weeks while he had to use their vehicle for work purposes.

Where does that leave me? Well it leaves me driving a cranky piece of ... rubbish which has absolutely no heating system whatsoever. As a result I have been coughing up lungs for the last month.

“Last month?” You ask. “But I thought it was a 3 week loan.” You and me both!

You see the 3 weeks ended on Saturday, but now the car he has been driving needs a service and new parts and stuff, so in the meantime I continue driving the … crud car.
Which is fine… What’s a little hypothermia between friends….

Except that for the past two mornings it has BROKEN DOWN ON MY WAY TO WORK!!
(I am so calm… I am SO FRIKKEN CALM…. I AM SO BLUDDY FRIKKEN CALM!!!!!!)

This morning I had a staff of petrol attendants pushing the pile of cr… crud. Until FINALLY, EVENTUALLY it came to life again.

Anyway, being married to a saint is sometimes not all that heavenly

Blue in the face

It's reeeeally been one of those days. Anywho, I dashed home at lunch time and attempted to open a tin of tuna. Stupid non-electric tin opener was giving me grief but eventually with a colossal splat(!) the tin opened, at the same time covering my VERY nice black coat with tuna water. SIIIIFFFFF!!!!!!! I quickly half washed that part and rushed back to work. But by the look of my colleague, it still STANK! NASTY.

I am sick. Flu. *cough cough* And WWF is obsessed with meetings. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Unbelievable. The two don't mix well.

Anyway, I keep choking. Sorry if that's gross, but I'm trying to paint a picture here. I keep choking coz I am sick. But when you're in a meeting you hope it will just go away. But of course it doesn't, so around the time that my bulging eyes start watering and my face starts turning blue I have to flee out the room to get water. I must smell and look like a fish out of water. hahahahaha. Sorry. time for my meds.

the Pizza from the oven of hell

Hi all. Prepare yourself for a somewhat uninspired post. No wait, that's not the way to keep an audience. Let me start again....

SEX.
Now I've got you! So sex, hmmm. what to share, what to share.

Well the band and I went to hermanus for the weekend. It was a trip doomed from the start.... The stupid bloody antihijack device unglued itself and sucked back into the underworld of the behind-the-steering-wheel section place. So we basically had to undo the whole interior to access it so we could use the bloody car. ARGH.

That little adventure took several hours. Yes, hours. So we got there late and grumpy. the up side was that we could hear the sea. That's a very very BIG upside from she who hails from Nahoon. Sound of the sea must be one of my top 2 sounds of all time. (the other being the sound of thunder)

Anyway blah blah blah the weekend was good but had some... er.. unfortunate moments which sucked. One of them was that we went out for dinner and had the worst meal ever. A pizza, esp a simple margharita (spelling??) with pineapple is ussually a fairly safe bet. I mean how do you stuff up a pizza?? they managed. It was thin thin thin and rock hard and flaky. Dairy intolerants could have eaten it - so scarce was the cheese. Acidic ulcer sufferers could have stomached it - so rare was the tomato. Vampires in the greater western cape would have fled the province, so abundant (AND RAW) was the garlic. So siff was the pizza (and so hungry was I) that I ladled tomato bluddy sauce all over it just to give it any flavour that wasn't raw garlic. heavy days. I think i probably still stink.

Also that whole thing about garlic being good for you must be bull... my throat is killing me. And I'm very grumpy.

PS Hopelessly unstable and LOUD headboard coupled with close proximity of host's parents resulted in zero of the first mentioned topic of this post. Grumpiness multiplies.

DESPERATELY IN NEED OF A HOLIDAY

So I can do a whole lot of this.......

Celebrity liaison to the stars!!

That's right guys.... It's in my future!

So I've been SWAMPED with planning for the Live Earth concert for the last couple of months, so that's totally my excuse for being so useless and scarce.
forgive me?

Anyway in the end I ended up looking after the celebs on the night a bit... getting them to the stage on time etc,etc. So I met Pauly Shore (sullen), Joss Stone (floaty) and UB40 (old), Danny K (hmm), Angelique Kidjo (What a legend!), Zola (beaut!), Baaba Maal (sweet), etc etc.. the best of all were the Parlotones. SUCH NICE GUYS!

I think I definitely am destined to be CELEBRITY LIAISON TO THE STARS!!! Wentworth Miller is next... or maybe Josh Lucas..... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Preggers?!

Well for the past two weeks I have been utterly convinced I was preggers. I was nauseous every day. I was waaaaay late... My body just didn't feel normal at all! To cut to the chase, no, I am officially not. But a funny thing happened while I thought I was....

You know how freaked out I've always been about the whole "being someone's mom" vibe? About forgoing my career and life as I know it? About getting bigger boobs? About labour (boo-boop - mock charge!!)and all that stuff,... ok I must stop elaborating coz that pseudo morning sickness is coming back.

Anyway, the very very very VERY (you probably don't understand just how VERY) strange and unexpected thing is that I was totally (secretly) stoked! I was actually disappointed that I'm not preggers. ISN'T THAT UNBELIEVABLE??? I mean we would have been financially screwed! My DREAM job would have been overs. And on and on and yet, faced with all these realities I was merrily picking out names in my head and planning how to announce it to the family!

In the 1st 6 months of marriage I was uber neurotic about falling pregnant. I wanted 4 years with my man before any additions came along. My greatest fear was that I would fall pregnant and be devastated... that would have been awful. I think a child should be seen and spoken of as a blessing from conception! So I was way scared that I would be the evil maternal unit who was embittered by the untimely arrival of her spawn...

So I guess my point is that I am really really really happy... God has changed something in my heart. And now when I am pregnant I know that no matter what the timing I will be really really excited.

Disclaimer time all you broody peeps out there: If it goes according to PLAN this will not happen till possibly late 2008....

WATCH THIS SPACE

More vegetarian laughs

HORRIBLE CAZ

Sooo sorry guys, I have been unfaithful to you, my loyal readers. It's bluddy facebook. It's so dang addictive. I even managed to sell two VERY ugly couches on it!!

One of those days....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

The return of the soul mate

Chris Roper has always been my favourite news24 columnist and I really missed him since his column ended last year. Well the great man is back and his very first column confirms that great minds think alike (yes, cynics, it may also prove that fools never differ). Anyway it seems that Mr Roper also feels The Rage thanks to VodaCON.

Click here for his column

Neeeiiiighbours, everybody needs good neighbours!

My landlord is a typical European genteel kind of guy. Very polite. Very respectful. All in all he's a great landlord... except for one thing: His uncanny knack to catch me in the most seemingly inappropriate moments.

The band and I live on a smallholding. No one can enter the grounds for a visit without calling us from the gate. Hence we do not have the worry of people dropping by without warning. Plus our little cottage is very private... no one walks past. You have to intend to go there to be there.

For these reasons we are quite relaxed at home. Correction: we were fairly relaxed at home.

It's my landlord

He has the most uncanny knack of coming by to drop of an invoice, fix a tap, tell us stuff when WE ARE LEAST EXPECTING A VISITOR.

Now for the most part it is not even that we are doing anything dodgy... it's generally completely innocent but would APPEAR completely dodgy.

Some examples:
I will put on some clothes.
Notice a missing button or something.
Remove pants
Sit on couch in g-.. sorry guys who know me..overshare... In onnies.
Begin to sew pants (domestic little me)
And... "knock knock knock"
Look up (through glass door directly facing me)
See Edgar.
Jump a mile high.
Do some adrenalin induced unstoppable Zulu war dance movement
Hit the floor
Leopard crawl into the safety of my bedroom and leave the band to deal with it.
(nice caz, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal subtle!)

Else he will come midway through our sunday afternoon nap. We'll hear a sound, assume it is the pooches. Stef will go to let them in... in his onnies as well and looking creased and messy haired and dubious in general and Hallooooo Edgar.

Probably the worst one, however, happened yesterday. My man had been changing a tire or something manly and as we walked back to the house I sensibly checked that there was no-one around before quietly making a somewhat lewd suggestion about him ... um ... well .... (*this blogger swallows and wonders who will read this post*) about him removing his...er...dirty clothing and ...er... lying next to me for a bit of a...rest. (Ok, fine, so it was said a whole lot more lewdly than that as is the prerogative of a wife)

naturally, obviously, predictably this is followed by a big smiled "Hi Edgar!" from the band who had spotted the landlord mere steps away lying down fixing something under a door.

Time to buy me some oil of olay

Ok.. the whole midway through my twenties thing is starting to get to me. Yes, I am halfway to 50. I get it. ha ha, right?

Being 25 is not all it's cracked up to be! On my birthday the teller wouldn't let me draw money. I couldn't understand it. Til later when I figured out that they have changed my account type... farewell practically zero bank charges on my student bank account. Good bye to the good life!!

Today I battled to wind up (yes, wind up) my car window... Is this the first sign of a failing body?? And if so, whose?? Mine or the car's???

I was at the Neelsie over lunch today and the noise gave me an awful headache.

Or maybe it wasn't the noise, but the call I got from the dear old lady trying her damndest to sell me FUNERAL COVER!!!

Battle of the bands

Gotta say these cheesy headings give me a kick every time.

So my band is amazing.

This is what he did for my birthday...

Wednesday was quiet, and we had a few friends around in the evening. Fire, snacks, vino, 30 seconds and tried to forget about the cricket and evil vodacom.

Thursday we drove through to Cape Town and he pulled up at the Cape Sun entrance... and in we checked(?) Lovely hotel... although the exterior lifts rocketing you up to the 28th floor on not for the faint hearted or the sensitive eardrummed!

We went for dinner that night at Caribbean Cafe in Long St. My Tuna steak was AMAZING!!!

The next morning I was finally allowed to open my last present... Canon Digital Camera... STOKED!

Went and checked out the National Gallery... it was mildly depressing (many many signs about how the government doesn't support them and they get no funding etc etc... plus they should play some background music or something!!!). Then went and wondered through some art galleries in stellies. Got home in the afternoon. The lounge had been cleared, there was a raging fire, a bottle of cab, two easles, and a bunch of art supplies and we painted.

How cute is that?

the other side

So remember my nemesis? the evil ones? they who can not be mentioned without my blood pressure rising faster than sea levels world wide? They who cause me to have more knots in my back than a retired wrestler octagenarian with arthritis? They who make me want to sit facing a corner crying big tears of hopeless frustration? THEY WHO ARE THE BAIN OF MY LIFE????????

Yes, dear friends, it is my sadistic service provider of whom I speak. VODACOM (cue thunder sounds)

You almost won't believe this. I will forgive you if you laugh in incredulous disbelief. I EVEN DID.

Read here for the beginning of this story.

Anyway, the basics is this: they stuffed up my account in november, then took R6000 out my bank in december (that's right - ruin my holiday) then barred me twice over new years. After HOURS literally on the phone having to endure their AWFUL call waiting music, finally at last it was all sorted out... or so they said... in january this year.

SO THEY SAID

Now get this. ON MY BIRTHDAY I receive a sweet little happy birthday sms from them. Minutes later i receive a second sms from them... saying I owe them money. And the amount they refer to is one of their bugger ups from SEPTEMBER last year.

Now honestly. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE OWN UP?? Is there a hidden camera on me waiting for me to lose it?? Is there some psychotic stalker ex boyfriend working at the rodent meerkat company trying to get his revenge??

VODACOM EMPLOYEE: IF YOU ARE OUT THERE: DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT IT IS COINCIDENCE THAT YOU BUGGERED UP MY CHRISTMAS, MY NEW YEARS AND NOW MY BIRTHDAY?? To the very day??????

YAY!!!

So this morning I was woken up to a vision.... with the light shining in from behind the mountain creating a halo effect around my very hot husband (and that's not the vision part...) holding a tray with.... prezzies and a milky coffee (my best) and a cheesy strawberry jammy croissant(y). mmmmmmmmmm

So yes, it is my birthday. And even though I am now old. (TWENTY FRIKKEN FIVE) I still can't pull off the whole "it's just another day" act.

I get jubilantly ridiculously excited about my birthday.

My work is FANTASTIC!!!

Everyone has come to wish me this morning. I even had a quartet minus one (is there a name for a singing trio?) sing me happy birthday and give me a panda balloon. How nice is that. PLUS i only work half day today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!! So I am going to enjoy the morning. Relishing in birthday cake and love and 2 ply and then go home and relish in some more loving.... (*caz smiles wickedly*)

What's in a name?

Well what is in a name? Why do we always manage to find such cheeseball names for stories, articles, essays and blog entries? So lame. Doesn't mean i intend to stop it!!!

Anyway, moving on from that random little tirade.

Names are the name of the game today. (More on that later!)
How many cliches do you think i can squish into one post?

No no limit, we'll reach for the skyyyyyyyy.

Ehem. Sorry. Forgive my jubilation. It's just that it is my birthday in 2 sleeps. No I am not stoked about reaching the kwarteeu (quarter of a century for the non saffers) milestone, it's just that birthdays are sooooo exciting. You get loads of gifts, but more importantly you get all the attention. What could possible be better? Phone calls, smses and loving aaaaall day! It's the perfect day really.

Except!!! One dark black cloud has moved accross the sun that is my big day...

The bluddy ICB (or something with three initials)has decided to go ahead and schedule the SA/Aussie semi final on MY day!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? Have they no decency at all?? How much attention is any male INCLUDING (and ESPECIALLY) my husband, my dad, my three brothers????? Not a whole lot I'm sure! Plus it is my mom's birthday on the day (so even the attention i would have gotten will be halved!)

Moving back to the subject of names...
Batchfoo... your bambino (if a girl) would make a very nice Caz the 2nd. And is a boy, maybe Kaz? (A kicking k just seems more masculine.)

Also on the topic of names. batchfoo quite rightly pointed out that no name blog needs a name. Any suggestions?

The true mark of a quality organization...

is 2-ply.

Now I know what you're thinking ("shouldn't it actually be 3-ply?"), but no, 3 ply is just a bit overboard. 2 ply does the job just fine.

Now you may think I have writer's block again and am just grasping here, but actually it is something I feel quite passionately about (well as passionately as someone can feel about toilet paper).

You can go to the shmanciest hotel or wine farm, but if you go to the bathroom and they are using that cheap ass 1 ply stuff you know that probably for all their big smiles and "welcome ma'ams" they are cheap underneath. The beautiful teak desk? Actually just pine with a varnish stain. The wooded chardonnay? Staves of low grade oak and no barrel usage at all. That selfnamed bottled water? Straight from the tap in the kitchen. Cheap Cheap Cheap.

Where am I going with all of this? What am I on about? From whence doth come mine inspiration? Well WWF may be an NGO (which by definition = strapped for cash) but they have class. That's right, my friends, 2 ply city here.

Return of the mac

come on... i KNOW you're humming it now. it's a classic

So today is day one at new job.

So far the essential things i have learned are that:
- lunch break is compulsary
- mid morning tea break is strongly recommended
- friday afternoon social is compulsary
- birthday = half day at work

I LIKE!!!!!!

On that note... it is a mere 15 sleeps til my birthday... YAAAAAYYYY!!!!

Somewhere inbetween

Just to let you know...

I finished up at my old job last week and only start the new one on the 10th so if i am scarce, that is why!

HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING GREAT!

A case of mistaken identity

Those who know me will probably (sadly) know my car. It's not the prettiest car in the world. It's a kind of creamish beige colour. An Opel Kadett of the old school variety. The band calls it the Hag. As in short for Haggis. Now this is not complimentary or nice on any level. But I let it slide and smirk to myself (who names a car!?!!).

Ok... my inner-child conscience is urging me to insert a little quote here that my dad would definitely be saying right about now:
"A third class drive is better than a first class walk"
There we go; conscience appeased.

Anyway last weekend my 9 year old cousin came to stay. We were driving somewhere and she suddenly exclaimed "WOAH! Your car has a clock in it!!"
To which I replied "Yes, all cars have clocks in them, this one just happens to not be a digital one."
She came back (in all sincerity - bless her little heart!!) with "So it's a real clock!!! FANCY!!!!!"

Guess who's 60!

Well this is post number... you guessed it ... 60!
(What gave it away?)

IS IT JUST ME??

Or are all gardeners sadists. Now I trust the non south African readership will bear with me on this one…

In South Africa it is fairly common to employ a gardener or a gardening service.

In my opinion gardeners – though seemingly benign and in touch with nature, are, in fact, the ultimate sadists.

Why? you ask, bewildered. Well have you ever decided that you deserve to sleep in and skip class? (just this once of course!) Well GUARANTEED that will be the day that the gardening service decides to mow the extensive lawns…. You know the ones RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW.

Or else, it’s the day of your big interview… you have woken up early (for goodness sake!!!!) and you have even dug your abandoned iron out of the nether regions of your cupboard to ensure you are looking your most spiffing and just as you are about to reach your car CHHHHHHHHHK-CHK-CHK-CHK-CHK. On come the sprinklers. Drenched.

The worst must surely be when you are sick. It’s not often that one is sick enough to warrant staying at home… and actually needing to sleep, but somehow, some way, the gardeners will ALWAYS know when you do. This is the day they use the worst of all weapons… the weed eater. It is incredible how many weeds seem to grow inches from your room right near your head.

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssss HOT!!!

So Thursday night was the big Cliff Richard concert.

The band took the ladies through to Cape Town in the afternoon and soon after he had dropped them off I got a frantic and only mildly sheepish call from them saying they had forgotten the tickets in Stellenbosch (about a 40min drive).

hmmmmm

Anyway, got that sorted and the ladies managed to get in and get decent seats.

Somewhere along the line I got a call from my mom. In the background I heard the cliff saying:
"You know, a journalist has said that I'm not cool..... well that's because I'M HOT!!"

WOW. That's all i can say.

By the end of the weekend full of two aging teenager types gushing about Cliff this and Cliff that I was just about ready to jump off a cliff!

If you are wondering where dartanion went, he has been replaced by pugnacious the panda!

Why? BECAUSE I JUST GOT THE MOST AWESOME JOB AT WWF (no, not the wrestling people, the conservation people with the panda logo!)

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKED!!

Yes sirree

As if the stress of the impending house inspection is not enough, I also have to stress about the behaviour of these blood relatives of mine when they are here...

The ladies, you see, are coming to see Cliff Richard doing his thang at Kirstenbosch Gardens.

Devoted fans since their teenage years I can not be certain that they won't do something unforgivable in all the excitement... we have expressly forbidden them throwing any undergarments at the cliffie....

The snide response to our well placed concern was: "Who is your cliffie? It is SIR Cliff Richard to you. Have some respect!"

D Day is (almost) upon us

MY MOTHER IS COMING TO VISIT!!

Click here to read about the last time my mom visited. Scary, right?

This is scarier.... this time my aunt is coming as well! Let me give you a little context:

My aunt has 3 daughters and a son. The daughters are lovely, neat, dutiful ladies inclined to neat hair, ironed clothes, regular housework and healthy cooking (think steamed veggies).

My mom has 3 sons and a daughter. This daughter is inclined to none of the above. I blame it on my position in the family (bless you Freud for all the justifications you provide!) But really, I grew up playing cricket and waterpolo and tennis and the-moving-target-for-my-brother's-beebee-gun. Tidiness somehow never became a passion.

So before said mother and aunt arrive on wednesday some panic will ensue.

Wish me luck.

Go play with my pet

Check my pet dartanion out in the side bar. He really likes it if you click on him and play a bit. If he looks hungry click on the "more" tab and feed him.

Why a bat, you might ask? well I am trying to get over a little phobia I have fostered since my formative years...

You know when the grown ups tell you that if a bat gets in your hair it will get tangled in forever? WHY DO THEY DO THAT?

I mean, lets be honest, it really is downright mean. Firstly because if it landed on you it would decide to roll around til it was knotted - surely that would take some doing(?) and secondly because as everyone knows, bats never come too close to people (sonar and all that).

WRONG!!!

I always get mocked when I show any slight timidity (ok, ok, terror and revulsion) toward bats. And the annoying ones will pipe in with (imagine a high-pitched nasal voice) "but caz, you are supposed to be a nature lover. It is not like it would ever touch you".

Amateurs.

I HAVE THE UNFORTUNATE DISTINCTION OF BEING A BAT MAGNET!!!!!

I have had one land on my head once and a few years later on my face while i was sleeping.

What do you think the odds of that actually are? I reckon if i lived in Bumblebee tuna land I would be a queen or something for my frequent associations with the sacred creatures (If you get that reference then you are a true compadre and i will be well impressed!!)

Frikken little bloodsuckers are everywhere!

Trapped

Have you ever had a situation where you are on the verge of something big and you are so excited and you wait and wait....... and then it subsides.

Then you're on the verge of something even bigger and you are SO excited and you wait and you wait and you wait ........ and it subsides again...

Have you ever felt trapped in your situation?

I'm in shape... pear is a shape!

Hallo the people of blogland...

You may remember my new years resolutions (click here for the post) well here are some updates.....

Running:
The running is going okish - 15km on saturday which was great, but then I nearly died on a 5km this morning, so who knows.

Writing:
My article is now online on altvoices.org. Click here to read it... (it is the South African one)

House:
well..... I planted sweet peas! (hey, it's something!!)

OOH ALET: where are yoo??
BATCHFOO the suspense is killing me... come on!

From South Africa with love.....

HVD

Ho ho ho.
No wait that's not right.... well depending... oh never mind.
Happy Valentines Day people.

Yes it is commercialism at its most synister, yes hallmark are opportunistic thieves, yes florists are the worst of the lot as they push up prices just for the day which is actually pretty sickening if you give it some thought, but stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill!

Any excuse for a date of sorts with my man works for me!

So thanks for those of you who had suggestions and may the plague of a thousand flees be in the undies of those of you who did not (not really... that's a little harsh).

But i have come up with a series of clues and stuff for the band tonight which will lead to a few activities the details of which i shall not expand upon. There will also be a yummy dinner involved, but i'm ordering our favourite meal from our favourite restaurant and getting it as a take away (which i never knew I could do - very Brooke-at-the-Cafe-Russe of me!)

Anyway, i will let you know how it goes.

Now I know many people DESPISE Valentines Day with the hatred of a thousand.. hateful things, so here is some entertainment for you....

"He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a bin lorry reversing."

"It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall."

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. "

"His departure had gone unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6.36pm travelling at 55mph, the other from Peterborough at 4.19pm at a speed of 35mph."

"Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master."

Enjoy the day guys

- xxx -

The heat is on (gotta love those 80's tunez)

What to do for Valentine's Day?? WHAT TO DO???

So the pressure is ferocious - like a fat kid on a muchachos chicken burger.

The band completely exceeded all expectations this weekend.... I tried for daaaaayz to get it out of him what he had planned and he juuuuuuuuust about got my hopes down. I reeeeally wanted to go away for the weekend, but by the time the weekend came I was pretty much resigned to the fact that no going away would there be.

WRONG!!! When i got in on Friday I was told to pack.... and off we went. The Cullinan Hotel in Cape Town was the venue.... sooooo larny for plebs like us (they wear top hats and stuff).

It was awesome!! I won't give you aaaaaaall the details, but it was a special weekend and I don't think i'd have changed a thing.

I lie. I would have worn more comfortable (and less amazingly gorgeous) shoes out to dinner as we took a romantic stroll to the restaurant...... by the time we were near there was no strolling and no classiness... shmoo piggy backed me the last little way! It was that bad! Blisters the size of Nantucket (it just sounds apt, ok!). Oh the pain. But the meal was delicious and so was the rest of the evening!

Anyway, back to the dilemma, how do i match a frikken weekend at a shmancy hotel?? (especially now that we are broke).

I dont really want to go to a restaurant. Something else... even at home. But what? He is big on personal touches and effort but i am low on creativity.

Mullet you will be pleased to know that athlete caz fell off the band wagon a little as a result of the romantical weekend innie kaap. (WOULD YOU HAVE LEFT THAT FOR A RUN?? IN DOWN TOWN CT NO LESS? I THINK NOT!) But I did go again this morning so I am now clinging onto the wagon with all my strength!

So if you're reading this I'm guessing you also don't have much work right at this moment. Go visit www.blessthischick.com You can make your own little mini-me for free...

This is me.... I went a little Zulu with the sparkle thing. And I'm not quite thaaaaaaaat blonde. The joy of artistic license.

K bye... don't forget to send me some more ideas!
(tick tick tick)

Prison Break

The long kiss goodnight....

nope. Sorry. no great scandal or intrigue, but you try thinking of a catchy title for a miscellaneuos post.. (and no, i don't know how to spell that word!)



People I have some progress to report... I am officially a jogger. You may remember my humble beginnings a month ago? Today is the anniversary and I have run every second day for 4 weeks. Not too shabby for a luigat like myself. This morning I ran 12km. (TWELVE!)



So I am quite shocked at myself. Shocked and if I may say so very impressed. Sure I'm not the speediest... and some might call me more of a shuffler than a jogger(those same some might want to rethink their hospital cover...), but I feel a massive sense of achievement for making it this far. I also feel a massive sense of pain in my right knee, but that's just the price of being a hardcore athlete! :)

Ok now onto more urgent matters... I NEED HELP (not that sort!) You see Saturday is my 1 year wedding anniversary (EEK!) Does ANYBODY have any idea what a good kind of gift would be?? HELP! Suggestions!?!?!???

Also, I have volunteered to organise Valentines Day... any suggestions for a romantical evening on a tight budget. Lets have some creativity here people!!!

Swamp thing

Work has been CRAZY!!!!!

CRAAAAAAZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

For the elderly among you the signs on the doors below read "management" and "employees"

I have been swamped and that is why I have abandoned you!

Silicon valley

Well big kudos and many happy returns to those who have happily returned to Blogland (Batchfoo at long last, the Nat and even loserille!!!!) A hearty welcome to you all!

On Friday I had to go into the varsity and I had to ask the computer centre guy a question and so he smiles kindly, understandingly and says "Are you a first year?"

GOSH! HECK!

Needless to say I batted my practically grey eyelids at the pasty white, acne covered computer nerdish young man, sighed and, smiling back kindly, broke it to him that I am, alas, a 7th year.

And for all you awful cynics (rory!) I choose to believe that the reference to my youth was as a result of my running efforts, blonde hair and tan and absolutely nothing to do with my complete lack of IT savvy.

Pirate's keyboard

You'd think I'd be over my corny little pirate joke by now.....

...no such luck

Clenching my teeth

So remember in my previous post i mentioned my jaw was tightening up? Guess who had to geet off to mediclinic last night? Yes, Helourine did - bitten by a black widow. SCARY! But she's alright now. I digress: me too!
The jaw she was a-tightening and the collar bone muscles they were a-tensing and my doctor friend advised me that tetanus is not a thing to be trifled with (mmmm... trifle!)
I had to go for an immunoglobular thingie! It was hectic. My bum is still burning!
Have no fear, fair blog readers... I shall live. But it was a little scary. Lockjaw for goodness sake!!!

Fortieth post - yay me!

Greetings people,

Welcome back to blog world Alet!
Batchfoo where are yooo???
If it weren't for the Meegyn aka Pinky, I would be feeling decidedly neglected.

No matter.

What's news??

I had a fantabulous weekend which included a cruise on a catamaran. We saw sharks and we swam... disturbingly, in that order!!! Thinking back it was a little psycho, but everyone else was doing it......... Never mind, all my limbs remain in tact and it was awesome! So utterly Cape Tonian of us.

PROGRESS REPORT FOR NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:

RUNNING: Went for run number 4 today. That's one every second day since last week tuesday. Quite proud of myself I must say. Haven't skipped one yet, even though I savaged my foot on a piece of fence and I am certain my jaw is steadily tightening up!

WRITING: Busy with the article for altvoices.org soon. As soon as it's up I'll punt it!

HOME-IFYING THE COTTAGE: Bought such cute paper lantern things for our porch. Beyootiful.

STAY ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE LAW: Went to the traffic peeps to find out about outstanding fines. Only two which came to R300.... ok, there should be another for R800 - but they dropped it. So i have written letters pleading my case.

All in all getting a diary has changed my life.. I am an organised sort now. I feel so self righteous!! haha

peeeee eeeeeeeee argh

What is so difficult about differentiating East London and P.E.??? THEY ARE THREE HOURS APART! It's so constant "Oh so did you go home to PE for Christmas?". "Carolyn comes from PE" NO SHE RUDDY WELL DOES NOT! PE is the UGLIEST CITY ON THE COAST. Industrial scab. awful awful awful.Really, it's right up there with people calling me caroliiiine. WHY?! AAARGH!

Which reminds me.....

How do you know if you're a pirate?

You just AAAAARGH!

Holly dayz

I’m so sorry. Where are my manners!? I didn’t even tell you about my holiday.
Well it was great. Saw some of my journalism mates which was fantastic. Went to plett… first holiday as married types. Quite interesting camping with the inlaws…………….

Anyway……

Also went to East London. Was good.

Much chilling did happen.

LOWLIGHTS of the holiday:

BLUDDY VODACOM BARRED ME TWICE. PSYCHOS! (it's best I don't even start on that again... read here what I am on about

HIGHLIGHTS of the holiday:

Some in my hair, yes.

Saved a life
I have a particular affinity for esio trots. I’m not entirely sure why, but I love them. There was one on the N2 and naturally we stopped and I shotgunned getting to save it. Which I did. We named him A’tuin (pronounced ‘Attain’).

Crikey
I was showing the band some of my favourite places in the whole world – Morgan Bay, Haga Haga etc and on the way back we passed a snake in the road. Naturally we reversed at full speed, hopped out the car and tried to catch it (they can’t move very fast on the tar). As the band tried to grip its tail it reared up and hooded! YEBOYES! It was a cobra. Sssssssssscary but sssssssssssssoo cool!

HALLO PEOPLE OF THE SOUTH!

Happy happy et cetera
WEll I'm baaaa-aaack.
Sorry it's taken so long, but hey, I've been busy.

I am sad to have to tell you all that we are going to have to mourn the passing of DMW caz... for those of you who have no idea what that means, click here.

No more DMWness. Adios to the inevitable bulge. I am a fabulous tanned blonde now (Batchfoo you right - way more fun)

I have entered the 2 Oceans Half again this year and Coach Rich (my athlete dad) has me on a strict training programme. So far I am having 100% success (ok so far there has only been one run and it was all of 2km, BUT STILL!!!)

Tomorrow is 3km... I'm trusting you guys to hold me to it. (And for the hardcore athletes among you who may be scoffing at my seemingly meagre efforts.... sod off!) :)

Anyway, among my other new years resolutions:

• complete the half marathon which is on 7 April (86 sleeps - EEEEEEEK) and stay fit after it

PROGRESS: have entered and gone for one short run.

• get my A into G and get writing properly

PROGRESS: have made contact with the editor of altvoices.org and am busy with an article for them. Also get another travel feature published.

• start making our house a home

PROGRESS: have received nice Christmas presents which are helping this aim and am working on some ideas

• don't get another visit from the sheriff of the court to deliver the warrant for my arrest

PROGRESS: on Friday I visit the traffic department and settle all depts

I'm sure I'll add some more in a while, meanwhile it is up to you, my faithful readership (aka Batchfoo and OOH ALET to hold me accountable!)