Tuesday, October 11, 2011


So all the scans and ecg etc came back clear. No cancer, some small evidence of a stroke in the past but possibly not recently. That's good news. But they didn't admit her to hospital and that worries me.

My mom is stubborn and energetic. She is talking about going to a 3 hour course tonight and going back to work tomorrow!!
Also this morning her fingers were suddenly swollen and she couldn't get her rings off. She was having a sleep last time I checked which is also unlike her.

Anyway, my aunt's children have bought her a ticket and she will be arriving there tonight. I'm relieved. I think my dad is of the school of not wanting to overreact and simply taking the doctor at his word. I'm not. I used to be... but no more. I interrogate and research and double check and follow up. Annoying? Perhaps. But who cares. Rather safe than sorry any day of the week. My aunt and I have chatted and feel the same way about things so it will be good if she's there putting her foot down.

I wish I was going too.

Monday, October 10, 2011


I miss my gran. She'd know what to say.

My dad phoned this morning in what felt like one of those life defining phone calls which inevitably starts with "caz..." *nervous pause* "I don't want to upset you,... but mom is not well".

When my dad got back from his walk this morning my mom was confused. She doesn't know what day of the week it is or that they are going to conference next week in CT. She doesn't know where my brother lives or the name of her grandchild. She keeps asking my dad the same questions.

They are at the doctor as I type this. And so I wait.

The thing is that my mom is one of the most capable people I know. She has more energy than the rest of us combined and is always doing something. She's intelligent. Independent. Competent.

My dad sounds scared. Not a voice I've ever heard on him.

I want to just get on a plane. I probably will. But we are waiting to hear what the doc has to say.

I am scared.