Thursday, November 30, 2006

bah humbug

I hate this time of year. I really do.

Don't give me that incredulous look! I have my reasons....

It all goes back to my childhood when my Father used to make us erect an aluminum pole in the lounge and we'd all sit around listing all the ways that the rest of the family had disappointed us during that year. While all the other kids celebrated Christmas or Hannukah, our family celebrated "Festivus - a festival for the rest of us."

Ok, actually none of that is true. That was George Costanza's childhood, not mine.

My reason for intensely disliking this time of year is far simpler and far more current... It should be noted that last year and every year preceding that one, I loved this time of year.

What has changed, you may ask? To which I may retort: What hasn't?

Last year this time I would be beeeeeeroooooooooooooonze! None of this translucent look which I am currently sporting. I would have aquired the aforementioned hue by spending the past few weeks lazily shmultzing (there really is no other word for it) around the pool. In fact, quite possibly by now I would have been moaning (most self-indulgently in the way that only students can pull off) about how booooooooooo-hooooooooooooooored I am. About how there's nooooothing to doooowoooo. My dad would have been sternly warning me that "these are the best years of your life" and pleading with me not to say I'm bored.

Now I understand.

That's the first true sign of aging. Not the stray grey or the declining need for a social life which last pasts 12, but the point where you truly start appreciating your parents wisdom. Whip out the oil of olay, people, I'm-a gettin old!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Thursday, November 23, 2006

People, I have nothing to say

Now I know men the world over are ululating in shocked glee that a woman could be out of words. But it is true.

it's that time of the month... er... i mean year, you see.

On the note of these kinds of matters, I have some quotes to share....

"When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs." Friedrich Nietzsche (Nazi Shmuck)

"Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote." Grover Cleveland, Former US President (1905) hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property."Napolean Bonaparte (and that's why they shipped him off to an island)

"Women are nothing but machines for producing children." Napolean Bonaparte. (nope... THAT'S why!)

"Wild horses couldn't drag a secret out of most women. However, women seldom have lunch with wild horses." Ivern Boyett

"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilt and I'll show you a man." Erica Jong.

"She looked as if she'd been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say when." PG Wodehouse. (Personal favourite - hehe)

And for my FAVOURITE FAVOURITE.... (this balances it somewhat ladies...)

"Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles." Rosanne Barr

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Tough crowd!!!

In the words of Glyn (one N) Hog (one G) (Congrats glyn... you FINALLY get a mention!!!) "There's no encouragement".

I need some comments here people. Nikki... your attempt at leaving a comment was a dismal failure. Ask Cher to show you.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

An Inconveniant Truth

So I have realised something quite perturbing. My Band is going to be one of those dads. Really.

Since my car has not been performing at her optimimal best, Stef has been dropping me at work in the mornings. Which would be fine, except that I work in a posh little office park. Which would be fine, except that as he drives off he insists on HOOTING! (*cringe*).
Which wouldn't be ssoooooooooooooooooooo awful, except that his hooter sounds not unlike a pre-pubescent boys voice; "bebeep baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarp!"

(SO EMBARASSING!!!!) All the corporates stick their well groomed heads out of their tinted office windows to stare me down as I try to scuttle into the building with a smidgen of dignity in tact.

Since I have begged and pleaded and threatened him to stop, he now occassionally doesn't hoot, instead he makes a big show of wheel spinning as he drives off.

MY POOR FUTURE SPAWN! (No, cherilyn, I AM NOT BROODY!!!) BUT!! I do fear for the mental health of my future kids when their daddy insists on going in to teenage parties to fetch them in his old faithful track suit pants (think the brother's grey tracks in The Family Stone)... or when he drives riiiight up to the door to drop them off with his oldies music blaring.... or when he takes thousands of photos from every angle of the kids on their first dates.

Ya. It's going to be bad.

What is the most embarassing thing your folks have done to you????