Preggers?!

Well for the past two weeks I have been utterly convinced I was preggers. I was nauseous every day. I was waaaaay late... My body just didn't feel normal at all! To cut to the chase, no, I am officially not. But a funny thing happened while I thought I was....

You know how freaked out I've always been about the whole "being someone's mom" vibe? About forgoing my career and life as I know it? About getting bigger boobs? About labour (boo-boop - mock charge!!)and all that stuff,... ok I must stop elaborating coz that pseudo morning sickness is coming back.

Anyway, the very very very VERY (you probably don't understand just how VERY) strange and unexpected thing is that I was totally (secretly) stoked! I was actually disappointed that I'm not preggers. ISN'T THAT UNBELIEVABLE??? I mean we would have been financially screwed! My DREAM job would have been overs. And on and on and yet, faced with all these realities I was merrily picking out names in my head and planning how to announce it to the family!

In the 1st 6 months of marriage I was uber neurotic about falling pregnant. I wanted 4 years with my man before any additions came along. My greatest fear was that I would fall pregnant and be devastated... that would have been awful. I think a child should be seen and spoken of as a blessing from conception! So I was way scared that I would be the evil maternal unit who was embittered by the untimely arrival of her spawn...

So I guess my point is that I am really really really happy... God has changed something in my heart. And now when I am pregnant I know that no matter what the timing I will be really really excited.

Disclaimer time all you broody peeps out there: If it goes according to PLAN this will not happen till possibly late 2008....

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