this weekend

has been a bit depro for me. I've managed to do not all that much. for once there were no birthday things, no 21sts. well we did have people over for saturday brunch and saturday dinner but other than that been chillin. so why am i so blegh?
maybe it's the weather. crap weather. maybe i'm just really really missing my gran today. maybe it's coz when i'm feeling the merest bit depro I put on depro music and indulge in it.

My current depro playlist includes:
Run - snow patrol
100 years - five for fighting
if you're gone - matchbox 20
broken - lifehouse
fix you - coldplay

what are your depro inducing favourites? any suggestions for me to add so i can indulge even more?

Why women's day rocks

because of the rock silly.

4 years ago on women's day i was given my rock.
The Band proposed on that day. I told him at the time that he has set a precedent now and I will forever expect diamonds on women's day but I suspect he thought I was joking.

Freakish dreams

So last night at the prenatal class thingmajig we learnt all about labour. Needless to say I had weird dreams all night and the evening slumber was not helped by the fact that i woke at 3.30 with excrutiating calf cramps. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? How can i be all "pregnancy is a piece of cake" if all these little annoyances start happening. No man. I am nearly done - it must go smooth to the end thanks. But seriously, it was BLUDDY sore. The Band had to give me a massage and then I couldn't sleep for ages and when I did I dreamt of GIANT (metre long) bottles of Gaviscon.

You know Gav's become a big part of your life when you are dreaming of him.

what's in a name?

Quite a frikken lot actually.

So as you know we don't know if the baby is a he or a she. We're all set for a girl. Have had the girl's name for years. It has even been mentioned on this blog... don't bother, you won't find it :)
But boy names... not so simple.

Here are the criteria for a boy's name:
It must be strong, manly, perhaps short. not sure tho.

Unfortunately I have a negative connotation for just about every boy's name that's thrown my way. I am quite painful in that regard. (Obviously kissed too many boys in my skanky varsity days. joking people!)

Any suggestions for me to tear apart?

random friday thoughts

blegh:
The Band is sick. He got a blood test for malaria this morning. Sure it's going to come back clear as he was in madagascar about 6 weeks ago. But not great to see him feeling so rough.

hmmm:
It will cost me R500 per day to upgrade from a general to a private ward when i pop. Is R1000 worth it? anyone out there had a kid in a SA private hospital and have some advice?

nice:
4 weeks from today is my last day of work. Bring it on. Can't wait. Stuff loads to do between now and then but the end is nigh. fanfrikkentastic.

Winnie

Winnie. It's never been the best of names. I mean you have Winnie the faecal matter, Winnie the killer of Stompie. And now, a new winnie. Winnie the pain in the ass.

Our new house is fanfrikkentastic. It's rather sick really. but accross the street lives winnie. Some form of overgrown maltese cross something. She is mostly a mottled faded black colour and she HONES. No really. There is serious pong in the vicinity of that dog.

But stinkiness I can handle. It's not like I feel the need to cross the road and visit. What I can't handle is the utter regularity, the consistency, the precision timed 20 second apart, high pitched "NYAP NYAP" that goes on all day and all night.

"NYAP NYAP" ...pause (long enough that you think perhaps...but no-) "NYAP NYAP"
"NYAP NYAP" "NYAP NYAP" AT NOTHING! There is noone there. she has a MASSIVE yard. but still she must sit at the gate all the livelong bluddy day "NYAP NYAP"

I am writing this post from home and above, where you see a nyap nyap - that is a true reflection of the ac- "Nyap NyaP" -tual yapping taking place "Nyap nyap".

The not so elusive Gavin

Who is this infamous Gavin, you ask?
Gavin is my constant companion. He's pretty much always by my side. My heart burns for him when he is afar. I can't say I like him, but I do need him.
Sometimes when I can't have him I battle to sleep or even to function properly... but when I have him he disgusts me. He is vile, but he is necessary.

ANY IDEAS WHO HE IS?

Cankles.

ugh.
it has happened.
i feel pregnant.

yes, yes, i do realise that I am, in fact, well and truly knocked up, but after a looooooong hiatus of reportable "symptoms" i am now feeling it a bit.

For one thing I am tired, even though I slept well. I feel groggy. For another thing, I have cankles. CANKLES PEOPLE. My feet have swollen and I am down to one pair of work shoes.

Fortunately, with a mere 7 weeks to go before the popping happens (and less than 5 weeks of work - WOOHOO)I think I will manage.

Bring on mid-september when I can kiss Gavin* goodbye, I can wear nice shoes again, I can have one frikken massive G&T and pig out on sushi like never before.

*more on him later...

SA's own lady gaga

Ok so maybe you JHB types have all heard this already, but the Cape is a bit behind and I heard this for the first time this weekend... (non-South Africans: this is typical South African humour but unfortunately in Afrikaans)

Click here to download. So very worth it!

Is it just me

or does the baby floating round the countdown thingie to the right of this look super squashed?

55 days... 8 weeks.... and a mere 6 weeks til i'm off work. WOOHOO!

So I finally got a 3G card and I am considering blogging or at least twittering a bit through labour. Perhaps that is overly ambitious of me, but you guys need to be kept up to date. Besides, I need to be distracted. And if it's true that some kind of hormone is released after the kid is out to make you forget about the pain, that would mean we never know the truth about labour unless we are witnessing it.

In the words of that wise sage Nacho Libre "ggggyooo theeenk I'm craseeee, dont gggyooo?"

"You're looking swell"

har har har har har heh heh heh heh heh
No really. You crack me up! That's brilliant. Did you eat a clown for breakfast? NO??? You thought that one up on your own!? Really? I can tell. It's SUPER original.

People are stoopid.

sometime this morning

my sister in law who I love becomes my ex sister in law.

my neice officially becomes the child of a broken home.

my brother signs and seals his gravest mistake.

tick tock tick tock

MUERTO.

Our CEO is away at the moment and I wish he'd come back already. If he doesn't, I am quite certain his PA could peg on us. You see, my office is right near hers, so every time she trudges out with a ciggie between her fingers, huffing and puffing along, I see (and hear).

Alice* is a smoker. Not just a social smoker. Not a mere "every now and then" sort. Oh no. When her boss is away it rises to a whole new level. It's practically half hourly. She is early 60s and looks like shes in her mid-70s. She literally huffs as she walks. I thought I struggled with the odd bout of breathlessness. Please I am an AMATEUR - this lady is actually battling to breathe and her panting is punctuated with a hacking smoker's cough. The worst is that quite often she likes to have a post-ciggie chat. She comes into my office and I kid you not - no exagerration at all - the entire room stinks of camel cigarettes. And honestly, the smell lingers for a good 20 minutes after she leaves.

Alice is rather deluded on the issue of smoking... she's not your typical, slightly sheepish, always-intending-to-quit-but-never-getting-round-to-it, always-conscious-of-stinking sorts of smokers. Oh no. She has actually told me that she believes her smoking keeps her from getting colds and flu (well that's great but I'd take flu over emphysema??). She has also said that in fact it's STRESS that's the killer and smoking is therefore good for her health as it relieves her stress. The best was the other day where she went on a rampage about how the anti-smoking lobby is merely a political ploy to gain pats on the back. "It's absolute rubbish. Some studies have shown smoking to reduce alzheimers but you'll never hear about that will you?" (Cough, hack, cough cough). "And what about alcohol. That kills more people but you can drink where you like and drive drunk and noone says anything (really?). Drinking is the evil" (incidentally, yes, she does drink and, no, I don't get the logic either).

If ever there was a reason to not start smoking, it must be the sight of this prematurely aged woman trudging past my office constantly, cigarette dangling between her fingers, panting and coughing, the foul odour of smoke surrounding her, mouth shrivelled from 4 decades of addiction. It truly is a sad sight.

CEO, if you are listening, please come back... else Alice might peg.

* Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Alice was chosen as for the very obvious reason that this woman smokes Camels.

2 months and counting

People, in a mere 2 months i am due to pop.

I am super excited to:
• Be able to close my jeans again
• Be able to wear hot bras again
• Be able to stop drinking gaviscon by the litre
• Be able to not be at work (woohoo)
• Be able to climb stairs without starting to pant
• Be able to go for a jog
• Be able to use all the cool and super higher grade baby gadgets that people
have bought us
• Be able to not feel slightly physically insipid and weak the whole time
• Be able to not have to pee constantly
• Be able to get through any social occasion without being asked: "when are
you due? How has it been? Any morning sickness? Do you know what it is? Do
you know what you're in for!? Natural birth or caesar?" (followed by the
inevitable horror stories of both)

Now fear not... I realise that these wont all be instant improvements, but I'm assured that the heartburn and the breathlessness DO disappear instantly and that is good enough for me! The rest I can work on.

I am OF COURSE excited to meet the bambino and finally see if he's a he or she's a she, but that all feels very surreal and hard to imagine at this stage.

Do you guys remember the Earth Hour competition that I pleaded, cajoled, manipulated all into helping me win? I told you I won it right? So anyway, the Band and I will be spending a week here:
all expenses paid and doesn't count as leave. The catch? It's from 29 August - 5 September in Plettenberg Bay. I will be 38 weeks pregnant. You can be dam sure I'm going anyway! No two ways about it. And hey, if i pop in Plett so be it!

Unravelling the mystery

It all started with a big bang. BANG!

And following that musical interlude...
I LOVE YOU GUYS! It's FANTASTIC you are clueless about compactums! I was clueless until about 3 months ago. I mean seriously, the word "compactum" sounds suspiciously similar to constipation in my opinion. And when one thinks about it... well, never mind that. If you are looking for toilet references go visit Ches, but you won't find them here!*

So, my precious little fellow ignorami, what is a compactum, you ask. Well a compactum is pretty much a surface that is high enough to change/bath a baby without breaking your back. It usually has shelves and stuff built in for storage, but that's the gist of it. Now don't ask me why it needs it's whole own poncy name. I find it borderline offensive... it just sounds rude "compactum". ugh. But the world of pregnancy LOVES to gooi all kinds of never-before heard lingo at us poor, deer-in-the-headlights pregnant peeps. As it is we are dealing with pregnancy amnesia (it's a medical truth people - check me!)now we have to learn words like lanugo and vernix and compactum and oh don't get me started on merconium.

*ok fine, so I contradicted myself by mentioning merconium, but 99% of you didn't know that so i figure that one doesn't count. But listen, if I ever turn into one of those "Ooh he made a solid one today" sorts please do something dramatic to me. I'm not sure how dramatic you can really get through cyberspace, but you're a creative lot, you'll think of something.

Nesting up a storm

People please accept my humblest apologies for being such a crappy blogger. Last week I was all like "must prove my worth to this company, must work my ass off", this week I'm all like "must get everything ready for The Bump's imminent arrival immediately". I never claimed to be stable. Anyway, perhaps one day I'll go back to my usual state of "must blog coz it's cheaper than a shrink".

So last week I was up in JHB for work. The mothball (my mom) was here for the weekend and it was great though exhausting. Honestly I don't know where that woman gets her energy. It's both inspirational and scary. On Saturday we got more done in terms of baby stuff than I have done in the past 7 months of pregnancy. No exagerration at all sadly! My parental units spoilt us with a bunch of stuff including a pram, car seat and the frikken rolls royce of baby monitors (if it could just change nappies...)

The Band was busy all weekend building cots and compactums and stuff. He is now Bob the Builder. Very cute.. er.. I mean manly having him all covered in saw dust and using machines I never knew existed.

The Mothball and I painted and varnished and sanded. Ok, not so much with the sanding but that sentence seemed to need a third verb.
Here is the finished compactum (cot is still being finished off):

muchos impressive, no?

Ordered my reusable planet saving (cash saving) nappies today from inkland (ya ya ya I know I know. I don't have the energy to defend my choice so I'll just let you know how it goes in reality ok?) so we have gone from having a couple of vests and stuff last week to being just about well and truly sorted this week. Don't know why after being little miss laid back the whole time so far I have now manifested into someone who NEEDS TO HAVE EVERYTHING READY NOW.

Baby: You are not invited to pop any time soon. Stick it out another 2 months please - else my maternity leave will be up mid December which will be completely inconvenient.

Speaking of The Unborn One - went for a scan last week and apparently the baby is weighing in at a solid 1.6kg. That's big in my opinion. It's UBER weird seeing my stomach move and being able to feel a foot. Weird, but quite cool.

Attitude

A good one. It's what I'm trying to have. Not about Life In General. No, no, Life In General is fantastic. Got the Band back from foreign locales, got the baby who apparently thinks he/she is a contender for the next Confed Cup, got the homely home which I love, got the Mothball - that's my mom people, try to keep up :O)- visiting this weekend. Life In General is a happy place to be.

It's work that is... challenging. I realised this when I spotted on my boss's calendar that I would in all likelihood not be seeing her for the next 3 weeks and felt delirious happiness. That's not a good sign, is it?

I am currently busy trying to navigate the treacherous valley of delicateness that is my work condition post-maternity leave. ugh. What I'm proposing is that they let me work from home primarily but obviously come in for meetings and when necessary. I'll have a full time someone with the bambino, but I still don't feel right about leaving a 3 month old home all day minus his or her mom. So I'm hoping that the controlling old school powers-that-be are won over by logic and you know, the fact that we are running out of office space and I am about to go from my own office to sharing (BLEGH) because we are so short of space, plus the fact that we should encourage working from home as a principle in terms of reducing carbon footprint etc etc etc. Plus the fact that people are more productive from home.

Anyway I am freaking a bit. If they say no I'm not sure what I'll do... Unpaid leave - we can't afford it. eep

Guys I tried

I really did.
I tried to put together a mini-post on my cruddy Sony Ericsson, but alas twas not to be. I've been sick, you see. Bronchitis has had me in bed far away from decent internet connection.

So a quick recap on the last week and a bit to get you up to speed...

Had great weekend in Kei Mouth. Was very well looked after and the mothball (thats my mom) organised a little baby shower for me so the bambino is now decidedly more sorted!! Very very cute little outfits. Was great to see my family and friends from home.

The adorable neice was up for waking up whoever she could at the crack of dawn every morning. Eventually after being rerouted by each of us in turn "Why don't you go lie with granny and grandpa for a while..." one morning she gave up on the humans and decided to serenade my dog... the off-key melody of "YOU ARE MY PHOOOOEEEEEBEEEEEE, my only PHOEBEEEEEEEE, you make me HAAAAAAAPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYY, when skies are greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey" could be heard reverberating through the house.

I got flu while i was there and on the flight back I reckon people thought I was in labour - the ear ache was excrutiating and I resorted to using labour breathing techniques to get me through the flight.

Anyway since I got back I have moved house, the Band has returned at last from Madagascar and I have been in bed.

And before you think to yourself "seriously, that's the post? I waited over a week for that?" you just consider how you'd feel on medication, sick, blocked up and in your 3rd trimester. That's right. shame on you for judging me!

Nearly there..

so i'm sitting in the airport with monstrous backache having some kind of nasty hot flush caused by the insanely speedy manner in which i downed my milo which I was forced to drink to try and cope with the heartburn induced after the super salty "chippery" chips (R15... sorry i mean 15 BLUDDY ront!!) I had to scoff when I discovered that I had somehow gained a bluddy hour (when does that happen) and it was still a few years til i got fed onboard the plane and this is all AFTER being here for ages already catching up on all my email, reading a couple of chapters and mooching around in general.

Whereforth do I sojourn?

To the Eastern Cape. WOOHOO. Almost makes the hot flush, heartburn and back agony worth it. Yep - they're all still here. soddit.
And Ches, can I just play the victim and point out "At least you can HAVE pain killers" the ONLY pain killers a knocked up chick is allowed are Panados. PANADOS!!!!! ha! you thought Myprodol were lame.

Anyway. Back to the fantastical weekend I have planned.

In case I didn't mention, The Band is currently in Madagascar and I am missing him insanely. Disturbingly, since he has been gone I am actually sleeping through the night which I feel both relieved and mildly guilty about... surely I should sleep better when he's around??? But I assured him it was a deep-seated subconscious defence mechanism - i refuse to wake up my usual twice an evening coz I would never get back to sleep without him! (He seemed mildly satisfied with that explanation).

Anyway, so much digressing. Ah yes. So my folks, and some of my other family AND PHOEBE MY GORGEOUS DOG are all going to Kei Mouth for the weekend and are flying me up to join them. YAY!! My dad has been counting down the sleeps for about a month and it will be the first time they all see The Bump. Plus I will have 3 little slaves at my beck and call - little cousins and my niece. I will, no doubt wake up to 3 pairs of eyes staring intently into my face at a disturbingly close range at 5am-ish and sighing loudly and repeatedly, but it will be worth it.

I am soooo excited to be oohed and aahed over, fed and pampered. There really is no place like home, most especially when you are the GOLDEN GIRL who is about to provide a beloved grandchild!

Restaurant Review: Buena Vista Social Cafe

So last night I went with a few colleagues to Buena Vista which is somewhere between Stellenbosch and Somerset West. As usual it was great. The decor is really cool - very authentic and atmospheric. Old pics of grannies smoking cigars, random candles burning black marks on the walls, mismatched pics and frames and odds and ends. Considering this is a franchise they have done really well to make it seem unique.

The food is what you'd expect from a cuban restaurant. Burritos, nachos, mojitos and a bunch of other "o's". But that's not what makes me loyal to the place. It's the personal touch that does it.

I have been to BVSC probably about 10 times or more since it opened - it's great for sundowners in Summer with the south american music blaring forth and also The Band and I developed a bit of a nachos obsession at some point so we were there a lot trying to satisfy that one :)

Anyway, last night I was there with colleagues. It was a great evening with the girls(though I was peering enviously at their mojitos while sipping on my somewhat dismal G&T minus the G!).

At the start of the meal I asked about the ice cream and chocolate sauce: is it hot chocolate sauce, or mere chocolate sauce? (Hey, there is nothing wrong with forward planning!) The waiter said it was mere chocolate sauce but he's fairly sure they could make a plan to upgrade it to hot chocolate sauce. Good man. I assured him that he need not be shy with the chocolate. Naturally throughout this exchange my friends gave the affectionate head tilt (to the left) and murmured "she's pregnant after all" in those soothing tones people usually use on the certifiably insane. I just smiled knowingly. I would ask such a question knocked up or not. It's elementary!

Anyway, when it came to it, a friend and I shared the Ice Cream and HOT Chocolate Sauce. It came with a fresh cherry on top. yuck. I offered it to the table but my friend stopped me: "Hey! Don't take my cherry!" To which we all cackled gleefully!

At this point the chef himself came out with a second jug of the good stuff - HOT chocolate sauce - and said "I believe someone here is eating for two?" Bless that good man.

I was just starting to tell the girls that this was the first time I'd come to Buena Vista without being given a free drink. I was midway through the story when the manager, Nick Slaughter, arrived with a tray of shooters... cherry liqueur and something else with a cherry on top for each of us. "Now you can all have your own cherries back" he said with a wicked smile.

WHAT A BEAUT!!

South African Tragedy: Part 2

So yesterday I went with Lily's mom - Khuselwa - to Stellenbosch Hospital for her meeting with the doctors involved. This sounds simple enough - for me I snuck out of work and took an extended lunch hour, but for Khuselwa it meant a R20 taxi fair from Tygerberg Hospital - where her child is now and where she is currently living! and for her sister, Shumi - it meant excusing herself from work. When you are living hand to mouth and earning R2000 in a good month these are not simple sacrifices.

We got there for the appointment only to be told the doctor was not available - he was busy at another hospital and would be there later but they couldn't say when. I explained to the appointment setter upper that that was not good enough - this mom has left her child to be here and best he ensure that the meeting happens TODAY and SOON.

In the meantime I took the ladies to Legal Aid. When we told the story the lawyers eyes just grew bigger and bigger. Next step is that they will find a law firm that specialises in case of medical misconduct and try get them to take the case on pro bono. My heart just about broke when Khuselwa discretely asked me if I knew what Legal Aid were going to charge her. Got to be careful not to take for granted that people understand things like Pro Bono!

The hospital called later to say the doctor was there. We went to get the low down from him. Amongst much waffling and jargon and me asking the same question over and over in a different way to get down to facts, the basic thing is this:
Gas was used on Lily and a number of other children that morning. All was fine and the anaethetist escorted her to recovery. She was not on oxygen as it was just gas and she was breathing fine on her own. Her oxygen levels were, however, being monitored.

A while later a nurse came to him and said the child was not waking up and she was concerned. He went back to recovery and the child was blue and the monitor registered her oxygen at zero. She was not breathing and had no pulse. He resuscitated her and gave her a shot of adrenalin to the heart. From then she was put on oxygen and transferred to Tygerberg Hospital.

He has no idea what caused her to stop breathing. He says it could be any number of things from a bit of tooth caught in her throat, to the child choking on vomit, to a heart error, to her moving her head as she began to wake up and cutting her own oxygen supply (which seems the most likely). The point is though, that what the hell is the point of an oxygen monitor is no one is watching it and if it does not have a function to alert if the levels drop. As Mrs Hall says, a child needs to be monitored throughout the anaesthesia process - including when they are waking up.

The anaesthetist brought up the fact that Lily was a prem baby and she is still small for her age - 8kg when she should be 12kg. He said this may have made her weaker and less able to respond. BULLDUST. That really got me. As Khuselwa said: Surely you had her file and you knew she was small? Is this the first small child you've worked with? Go Khuselwa. That is a bulldust argument because:
1. If there was any added risk with the child being small rather DON'T DO THE PROCEDURE! It's bloody toothache on a MILK TOOTH for goodness sake. Give the child panado and wait til it falls out rather than put a life at risk.
2. If the child WAS considered higher risk then surely she should have been even MORE closely monitored.
3. He then tried to say: what i mean is that if you strangle a healthy person and a sick person, the healthy one will be best able to cope with it. "Rubbish," I said, "the problem isn't the level of health, the problem is that the strangling happened. If you starve any brain of oxygen it will be damaged."
The reason this whole insinuation offended me so much was that I could see that it upset Khuselwa. As a pregnant woman I know that there is an implication that if you have a prem / low birth weight child it is your fault (and sometimes, frankly, it is) but the child is now 2 - she should never have been allowed to go without oxygen long enough to turn blue!!

If it is a capacity problem - shortage of nurses or whatever - then they should have allowed the mom in to sit with her child as she recovered. You can bet a mom will notice if her child stops breathing!!

Anyway, to be fair, aside from that stupid comment, the anaesthetist is tormented by this case. And the bottom line is that he cryptically implied that she should seek legal counsel.

Next it was a meeting with the medical superintendent. He was a lot more sketchy and evasive "It's not about pointing fingers, it's about looking at how we can do better". No no... if you don't figure out exactly what happened then how the hell do you prevent a rerun?? This isn't about not hurting feelings, it's about saving lives.
ugh.

anyway. that is basically that from Stellenbosch Hospital. From here on they won't give access to a report or anything unless Khuselwa goes the legal route.

The burning questions for me now are:
> what if Lily lives on and on with no improvement? what will that practically mean for her impoverished mom?
> what about all the other times that something like this has happened and there's been no-one to tell the family about Legal Aid etc? How many times have things like this been swept under the proverbial carpet?

South African tragedy

The Band always knows when something is big to me coz I take a long time to talk about it. I generally like to process stuff first but this one is far from sufficiently processed so perhaps writing about it will be therapeutic.

I have a fantastic housekeeper, maid, char, whatever the politically correct term is. For the foreigners among you: having a "cleaning lady" once or twice a week is more or less the norm in SA. It provides employment and is seen as a positive thing.
Anyway, Mavis is fantastic and has worked for us for about 2 years now and we are pretty close as far as an employer/employee relationship goes.

2 and a half weeks ago her niece (a 2 year old girl named Lili) had to go to Stellenbosch Hospital (a small government hospital)to have a tooth removed. Mavis's sister (Lili's mom) was told there was some sort of complication and so Lili was transferred to Tygerberg Hospital - a big provincial government hospital. The doctors there looked into it and did scans and so on and it seems that after going in for tooth ache, Lili is now severely brain damaged. The doctors say she is blind, deaf, unable to talk or even swallow. She is basically catatonic. Days went by with no improvement and on that Saturday the doctors decided it was time to take her off life support. Her family was told she could die immediately, or in minutes or in hours. A week and a half later she is still alive.

This story is tormenting me. I didn't know Lili before - except for what Mavis had told me about her, but the utter injustice and waste of it keeps me up at night.

On Sunday I went to the hospital. I wanted to see what the story was for myself and also to pray for this child. The children's ward at a public South African hospital is a heart breaking place. I saw babies smaller than the one I am carrying lying in the open - no incubator or blanket. The nurses and doctors are lovely and clearly care about what they do, but the facilities are just no good.

Lili is a beautiful child, really gorgeous big brown eyes that are mostly vacant but every now and then they seem to focus which gives you hope. The doctors give no hope beyond a miracle. I will keep praying for that.

A friend of a friend is a paediatrician at the hospital and so she called him for me. He knew exactly which child she was talking about immediately and said "off the record" that it was gross negligence on the part of Stellenbosch Hospital - something to do with a lack of post-operation monitoring which resulted in oxygen starvation and then severe brain damage.

Guys how the hell is it possible that a kid has a toothache and comes out severely brain damaged??

Anyway, the sad reality in SA is that the poorer people are very accepting. The mom is not particularly angry, just sad and confused. I am attending a meeting at Stellenbosch Hospital tomorrow with Lili's mom at which they are discussing the case and tomorrow afternoon I will go with her to Legal Aid. The off-the-record doctor says that they should be able to either sue the hospital or the state for millions. I haven't said that to Mavis and her sister. I've just said that we need to make sure that this never happens to anyone else.

Guys I'm in this one for the long haul. It is not ok that because these guys are poor the hospital gets away with this. If this was a white kid in a private hospital it would be front page news! I'm in media relations and I'm not above taking this to the media if that's what it takes to get some sort of justice for this family.

Back to school

So last night The Band and I went to our first prenatal class. It was great. The chick who takes it is hysterical and muchos irreverent. Disappointingly there was none of the suck-suck-pant breathing technique stuff. Perhaps later on. There was a doll which looked a little like Chucky on a bad day. There was also a bunch of ladies with boeps waddling to the bathroom constantly. All due in September and ranging from mini-bumps to massive girths.

random thoughts of caz today

Ghandi ... the super calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by hallitosis.

Oompaloompas of blogland. Today I am feeling very ineloquent so pardon the mush of random thoughts that serve as little more than a nice distraction from the pile of work awaiting me!

1. People are so very odd. I have this friend, we shall call her Bee, who has a very good heart and is extremely caring and all that, but she just makes the most nasty comments, (usually realises instantly and backs off with a self deprecating comment). FOOT IN MOUTH disease of note. One such example I have already mentioned here... when I said I was lucky to have had an easy pregnancy thus far and she quickly told me that i have no reason to believe the next one will be so easy and it could be rough! haha. The other one was today. My mother-in-law, bless her, thinks that Nadal looks just like The Band. Nadal is great and all, but I don't see the resemblance. Someone said "nah - Nadal has a funny nose" so Bee says "ha! maybe that's the resemblance". I mean SERIOUSLY!! About my HUSBAND! In a room full of work colleagues. Forget the fact that as you know, The Band is basically flawless and HOT DAM he is gorgeous, but WHO SAYS THAT?? Anyway it was fairly awkward!! I made light of it saying "please, the man is HOT" but I'm still waiting for her to at least come say a sorry. Surely?? right? Fear not, dear readers, i am not taking offence and if no apology is forthcoming I will not be bitter and twisted, I'll just think it is so odd. Very very odd. There is an added element of weirdness in that we are old family friends and I got her the job here! weird woman.

Anywho on to number 2
2.Today I am officially in my 3rd trimester. Bring on September!! Yay. Can't wait for the bambino's arrival and 4 months of maternity leave. (of course between now and then I am going away twice, moving house, needing to buy everything for a baby - no people, i haven't bought ONE SINGLE THING YET!!! but hey, you know, whatever, bring it on!)

3. The Band goes to Madagascar for like 10 days on wednesday. I am not entirely sure how I will survive. It's so frikken cold at night!! Who is going to warm me up after each of my multiple trips to pee??? I am going to FREEZE TO DEATH!

4. I am going to Kei Mouth for the long weekend. Going to spend it with the folks and some fam. CAN'T WAIT!!! No place like the Eastern Cape. No dog like my phoebe.
You've seen pics before, but it this blog needs sprucing up so here she is again:

Because it's Friday!

(apologies to intelligent foreigners reading this blog!!!)

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner....

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water.....

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don 't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from... All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

PS Happy 250th Blog Post to me!!

Disturbing information

I'm in a carpool. When you see the same people first thing every morning, throughout the day and for the drive home in the evening you start to tell each other fairly arb stuff. There's an odd complacency which comes - kind of like those couples who've been married for twelve years and have reached a point where the wife plucks his nose hairs and the husband remembers to buy her her senokot. *shudder*
Anyway, as a carpool we have started to reach that point. It's a fascinating phenomenon really. The way we fight over who gets to ride shotgun and then portray nonchalance when it's not us. The way we play vicious games of Beer Me (whack the roof and shout "BEER ME!" whenever you see a car with one dim or broken headlight - this weather is GREAT for Beer Me!). The way one of us can cunningly get a bad 80's song stuck in everyone's head for an entire week. And the arbitrary little things we share with one another. This morning, for example, I felt to share the fact that I had my first ever GENUINE mock charge when I tasted some off milk. Just in case they were interested - you understand. Hellion, a commenter on this blog and possibly the only person in my real life who actually has access to it (oh the privilege!! - bring cake!) shared with us some particularly disturbing information. According to her, according to her friend, according to a pilot, if someone dies on board an aeroplane they have to be strapped in to a seat for the landing! Apparently it's the law. From now on I am choosing my plane seats more carefully. If someone looks touch and go I'm gonna find a reason to move... before it's too late!!

Post Toast Roast Coast

I have been such a dedicated blogger lately *pats herself on the back*
*grins cheesily* *grin develops into something of a grimace as heartburn starts up* BUGGER IT.

Being knocked up is not for sissies people. But sometimes it also really is. Like how no one can be bent with you if you fade. And NO ONE can fade like I can. It's inspiring really. I've been known to fall asleep in movies, watching DVDs, at dinner tables, at braais. There is definite narcolepsy in me. I have ALWAYS been this way. Take me as I am and all that. But now no one rolls their eyes when I do it. No one frowns disappointed at me. No one shakes their head thinking "Typical". Nope. They all just tilt their heads to the right (it's always the right - check next time you earn yourself a head tilt) and smile affectionately. "She is pregnant after all. Bless".

Anyway, time for an afternoon nap and some Gaviscon.

Choosing names wisely...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

'You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second Mom: 'Your obsession is with money. Again,it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turned to the third Mom: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about.......... Lets pick Willy up from school and go home.'

The nesting phase

So I'm 25 weeks along. Crikey. Time is flying and dragging. This weekend I baked rusks for goodness sake. RUSKS people. And The Band and I looked at COTS. COTS! Incidentally The Band has his heart set on making the cot and compactum - which is just an annoyingly OTT name for shelves which are high enough to change a nappy without breaking your back).

BTW: If you ever want to have kids DO NOT go to Kids R us or Babies R us or whatever the name is until you are knocked up and it's too late. It's not just the painful abbreviation of the word "are" to "R" or the unnecessary use of inverted commas. There's something more about that place just gives me the heebees! I think it's all the kitschness. So much plastic. So many evil messages being sent to the kids. Like the game for 3 years + little girls called Shop til you Drop. Now why, as the kid's presumed only source of funding for the next 18 years, would you want to encourage that mindset? I think it may also be a combination of the stark flourescent lighting, the depressing clutter and chaos of random toys and yelling whiny kids and the cheap and nasty linoleum floors.

But, I digress.

What was I on about? Ah yes. The nesting phase. So you'd think we'd have been all babied out after those shops *Caz shudders* but no. We got home and (after a rather indulgent 3rd jacuzzi for the weekend) we lay in bed dreaming up nursery layouts. WHAT???? I KNOW!!!

So anyway. I'm not a Beatrix Potter, shades of pink, shades of blue or Winnie the Pooh nursery sort (isn't there enough of that happening once you have a baby?? Must the bear really be called that vile name??) My nursery idea is animals. AAAAH. I'm thinking of having low key decor - biscuit and white coloured stuff with fairy lights and then pics of baby animals printed onto canvas. AAAAAH. Now before you all vomit, look at the pics I have in mind...







I mean can you blame me for getting a little broody??

Swine flu is getting out of control

How you people find me

Oooh I'm so excited! All the cool bloggers always do posts like this and I've always been too technologically stunted to figure it out. Thanks to a bit of help though - thanks lady (",)- I am now on stat counter, receiving my weekly reports and musing over my statistical analysis. mmm not quite but sounded good.

Some of the search phrases that lead people to this blog are:
• Dying in boot camp (that’s about right)
• Jock strap fetish (because of this post)
• Five interesting facts about flame throwers (coz of this post)
• Lithuanian booty (well!!)
• My hormones are raging (well, I am knocked up after all!)
• Arizona supreme court (no idea!!!)
• Happy hole (?????best not to comment here I think!)

Anyway, I'll take whatever freakish readers I can get!! Welcome Oompaloompas of the internet!

Bump bio

Seeing as we appear to be doing a bit of a Focus on the Family vibe this week (ok, of course by "we" I am referring to the royal we AKA me) I thought it fitting that we do a Bump Bio today.

The Bump was...er....begun on 30 December 2008 at a luxury lodge in Zimbabwe following a sunset cruise on the Zambezi River. Nice!

The bump was discovered on 19 January. I was later than usual so we took a test not expecting to see TWO lines. We had, after all been careful... ah but a bubble bath is a tricky thing. Overshare! :)

I was so shocked at seeing it come up positive that I wanted to vomit (sorry bump!). The Band went and got 2 more tests. positive. positive.

The next morning we sent a telegram to both sets of grandparents and awaited their excited call. mmmmm. Telegrams are no longer instant. It took about 3 days!!

I first felt the bump move on 19 April. It was a Sunday and I was having a mid-arvie nap. It was awesome. Very gentle heartbeaty sensation. (Nowadays it's not quite so gentle!!)

The bump is nearly 2/3s of the way done. Due in mid-sept and if all goes well a water birth is on the cards. Very zen of me I know but it is coz I love bathing and I think it will work for me.

I went from being shocked senseless in January to well and truly adoring the bump now. We aren't finding out the gender but most people think it is a boy. I am pretty convinced it's a girl in which case we have a name all ready.

I think the best thing about the bump is that it's as if you always have company. So when I can't sleep in the middle of the night, all I do is lie in a certain way (which is guaranteed to wake the bump - don't judge me, it's either the bump or the band and if i wake the bump there is no retribution!!) the bump gets all perky and moves a bunch. Pretty cool.

The bump has been good to me. Compared with other bumps my bump has been a breeze. Comparatively small on the outside, felt mostly great, etc.

In just over 3 months, the Bump will transform into a Bambino and then the world will be a very different place.

Band Bio

Today I thought I'd tell you a bit more about The Band.

I do love this man.

He looks very different nowadays to when we got together - he used to have awful long curly hair and john lennon type specs. He also went through a dreadlock phase and a mullet phase.(Ya - you must know I loved the guy if I put up with that!!) Thankfully that rather odd phase has passed. Now he is plain hot. Hot legs. Hot butt. Hot smile.

He is incredibly caring and will give everyone the time of day - he's got all kinds of random friends as a result. Car guards and street sellers and homeless guys.

He does love to spoil me. You guys familiar with the Love Languages concept? Basically there are 5 love languages and each of us has one that we are most fluent in. They're all important obviously, but ussually there is one that makes you feel most loved and this is the one you are likely to best express. But obviously you need to look at your partner and see which he expresses and probably that is his love language and how you should show him you care.

They are:
gifts - the giving of personalised little gifts (even something as small as a chocolate with a note would count - it's the thought)
acts of service - our pastor reckons if men want to excel at foreplay they should start with washing the dishes. Wise man. It's doing little things like bringing your other coffee in bed or hanging the laundry.
words of affirmation - Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Simple statements like "You are beautiful", "I love you" etc are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.
physical affection - Some people feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. Sex is only one aspect of this. It is holding hands, kissing, sitting with a hand on the persons knee or whatever.
quality time - Quality time involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.

Anyway. What's your love language? Mine is physical affection. Definitely.
The Band's is gifts I reckon. He does love to spoil me. For my birthday last month I got the following.... brace yourselves. It is bordering on ridiculous:
an ipod
diamond earrings
clinique facial products
perfume - which he chose himself after hours and hours of smelling various scents

Ok, before you think we are super rich, much of this was the happy result of insurance from our second latest robbery, but still it could be spent however and he spent it on me.

This morning we had a non fight. What is a non fight? It's something where one person is upset but there is not the opportunity to discuss the issue due either to time constraints or the presence of other people or the unreadiness of that person to discuss it. But despite no words being exchanged YOU BOTH KNOW (even the boy!!) that there is an issue.

Later he arrived at my office with red roses and chocolate and a sorry. Yep. He is a keeper.

Only women truly know

how to cut other women DEEP!

Ok, I have to admit that for the most part I find it hysterical, but it is truly odd the things that people (actually, WOMEN) say to pregnant chicks.

I have a pregnant friend (K8) who's about 2 weeks ahead of me and she and I like to compare notes. So far she is getting it worse than I am but that's probably coz she is small and British and not very scary. This weekend a lovely old lady we both know says to her:

"So what do you think you're having?"
"I think it's a boy" says K8.
Lady gives her the once over and nods "Yep, I reckon it's a boy." she then continues (why oh why) to say "you know in Greece we believe that when you are carrying a boy you get that "wild look" - your skin is bad, the colour drains from your face, your hair goes all ratty."
And then (oh the very tactlessness of it) she says "And if you are carrying a girl -" (now perhaps you think she will make up for it - maybe say something like 'you get a huge ass or your hips get massive', but no)... "you glow".

I got one this weekend, but it wasn't soooo bad. more of a dreary warning really:

"So, you must be practically in your 3rd trimester and you don't even look pregnant" (Nice, right?... but short lived - that wasn't all...) "Mind you, I was about the same and then I put on 30kg in the last trimester." rather ominous.

But no one likes to hear a preggers chick is getting off lightly, which may explain the snotty comment I got today at work:

"Crikey - you are going to DROWN your kid with those!" (as skinny, flat chested, unpleasant middle aged woman makes 'massive boobs' gestures).

Also when people say "not long now" and I say how excited I am for the maternity leave they quickly make sure to drum in the fact that I better not think it's going to be restful or pleasant in any way or, better yet, they ignore me and commiserate with each other "snigger snigger... she has NO IDEA clearly." then they turn to me (ganging up now and gaining moment) "the first 3 months are hell. After that it's more hell. and as for the teenage years. well good luck. They're pleasant when they're 18 but then they leave and that's when you REALLY start worrying about them. tut tut."

hahaaha I managed to bite my tongue (but that's just coz i slept through the night - woohoo - no midnight peeing - and I am feeling particularly chipper today) but what I wanted to say was: "just because you birthed BRATS, doesn't mean I will." Or something slightly wittier.

I even had one the other day where a friend said I was having an easy pregnancy. I agreed and said I felt very fortunate. Another friend interjected that I shouldn't assume my next pregnancy will be as easy. she actually cackled evilly and said "bwa ha ha just wait and see with the second one. Could be rough". HEY????

Now K8 and I have come up with a theory as to why it's always women who say these things. (I mean, no offence boys, but if it was guys there'd be no mystery here. Guys are... well... a bit dense really) But women KNOW the power of their words. If a women says something like that she INTENDS you to feel crap - whether she intends it subconciously is debatable, but nevertheless. So let's look at the evidence and devise a hypothesis shall we? (yep - I'm in my little B.Sc stride now - mock me about my porridge brain you dissidents and I will drown you with my impressive vocab and wittiness and...um...other impressive stuff like that)

* all snotty comments come from women
* most women (of all ages) are fantastic
* but mostly those that are not are either divorcees or past what I suspect is a menopause type age or both
* the most basic of instincts is reproduction

Hypothesis:
There is a jealousy in these women. A pregnant lady is at her prime and is surrounded (for the most part) by loving supporter people who heap attention on her.

Next time I get a snotty comment I shall give a "glowing" and sympathetic smile and say "yes, but it is just such a privilege to be blessed with such fecundity. To bring new life into this world."

I think there is money to be made here. T-shirts, mugs, bumper stickers. I'm on to something.

Happy birthday to Cheeeeeessssssssss

A very happy 4 day birthday to Chester of Parklife fame. This is your birthday card. I reckon the following reasons warrant you deserving:
1) You love the bush
2) You aren't one of those creepy metrosexual male bloggers
3) Anyone who has a 4 day birthday is cool in my book

And so voila, Happy Birthday... a picture of the female leopard at Ngala - the first and only leopard I have ever seen. I think it is the same one you referred to? Clara or something?

F my life

I have discovered what may just be my new favourite website. Check it out here (Thanks Meegs for sharing!)
What's great about F my life is that no matter what is going on in your day there is bound to be a story there that's worse and, if not, you get to share yours! :)

Some examples from the site:

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML
he he he

A Long December

I was listening to Counting Crows "A Long December" today and this memory flooded back:

So I was something of a late bloomer I guess. My brother Matt (who is 2 years older than me) and I REALLY clashed. Even today our relationship is not a comfortable one. We gave each other a hard time, I guess. I suppose it's all part of character development and all that, but let's just say he certainly made sure that I wasn't any more confident in myself than was due. In his eyes I was scholastically bright, fairly sporty, but that was the sum total of my talents. In terms of teenage appeal (the only thing any young girl wants to excel at) I was nowhere according to him and hence, according to me.

Inevitably, i guess, my brother had a best friend. B. B lived down the road and was always at our house. He was older, GORGEOUS, super clever and sporty. The full package. And, of course, he was so so sweet to me. Would defend me to my brother and would tease me.

At school events he was never too cool to talk to me (making me the envy of all my friends) and eventually, one night, at a party we slow danced to Long December. He kept saying "I can't believe you're my best friend's little sister".

Nothing came of it til years later at university when we eventually hooked up one night. I guess in a way it was a let down. The whole charm all along had been of this wonderful, unattainable, older man. That being said, had it never happened I suppose I would have always wondered at the chemistry between us.

A couple of weeks later I received an SMS from my brother asking me if B and I had kissed. I didn't know what to do so I SMSd B. My brother (on the other side) had grabbed B's phone and read my reply. It didn't go down too well which in a way, I guess, tells me that my brother is overprotective of me and does give a damn.

Despite all this, to this day when I hear A Long December I am 16 again, slow dancing with the most gorgeous boy I know and feeling like a million bucks.

The Meltdown

Well it finally happened somewhere circa Saturday 2.30pm.
The Meltdown.


Weeks ago I'd agreed that we have a braai with a bunch of old friends on Saturday afternoon at our place (Curse that indoor braai which leaves no excuse for cancelling). Up to this point it had been a hectic weekend and we really got home only then for the first time.

I started tidying up frantically in time for the influx... the Band (oh, such naivete) said "why are you doing that now?" and that, friends, was his gravest error.

I replied "because I want it done now. There are people coming over and I am not happy with the way this place looks."

"But," he replies enduring along that tragic walk to oblivion, "why now? you've been ok with it til now. Why now?"

And then I manifested.

"I have not been ok with ANY of it til now. But I leave things and suck it up and suck it up some more until I reach a point where I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"

Which is when he gently steered me to the privacy of our bedroom (because, OBVIOUSLY, we were not alone). Poor harry was furiously vacuuming up a storm by this stage. Shame. But it wasn't that. It was J's dishwasher. And tumble dryer. And Shelves. All in my bluddy dining room for the past month and a half. (There is already an entire bedroom which is packed floor to ceiling which his stuff) It was the bicycles and surf boards in the entrance hall. It was Harry's 3 racks of dodgy wet washing (including the "leppies" - leopard print jocks. He's an odd one) in our braai room. It was the lack of space - physical and emotional I guess.

Well I went to my room and cried. BLUDDY HORMONES. While I heard The poor Band rearranging the house in fast forward. Then he came to rub my inconsolable back. I told him that there's not another woman on the planet who could survive this. Pregnant or not. And he said he's so sorry. He also didn't think it would be like this and for so long and he knows it's tough on me.

That is really all I needed.
Men: a tip. All we women want is for our feelings to be validated. We want to know that you understand or are at least trying to. And then we want to be taken on a shopping spree. Which is how The Band and I (who both hate the mall) spent Sunday. Buying me clothes. Then watching a movie. Then going out for dinner. Just the two of us.

Plans to keep Caz sane in the home which has become a commune

• Start inviting all my GIRL mates over ALL THE TIME.... I like this one.

• Start escaping to my girl’s places.

• Start talking about siff girl things like the menstrual cycle, the woes of pregnancy, etc. At meal times.

• Ask the guys to help me with things like ironing and folding baby clothes.

• Be the one to choose the DVDs... (you, me and dupree for starters – thanks T) and ensure they have not so subtle subliminal messages on them!

• Start cooking only for me... claim the whole pregnant vegetarian thing.

• Stop wiping up and cleaning compulsively and let it all slide.

• Wait for the next inevitable call from a telemarketer and give them the phone numbers of my honorary housemates.

Ok guys... i need your suggestions here....

ooooh, so that's how...

Bugger it.

So either the hormones have kicked in or I am just needing sleep and space. Perhaps a combination.

At the moment our mate J is staying with us (since beginning of April til we move at end June). Since he has been there, Harry (who lives in the flat on the property) BASICALLY lives there as well. These guys are great. Don't get me wrong, but it gets a bit much. Sometimes I just want to shlop around in my undies. Sometimes I don't want to be wiping up after everyone every five minutes. I am a germaphobe, no denying that. Sharing a kitchen with 3 guys is... stretching.

Plus I am very conscious of the fact that this would be the last time that it's actually just The Band and I. Come September, there will be kids in the house for the next couple of decades! Except that this can't be the last time, because we aren't alone.

Again, let me say that the guys are great and it's not them, and it's lots of fun and lots of laughs, but sometimes I just need my space. I think what I battle with is that The Band doesn't really see it. He is a boy, after all, so it doesn't affect him. In fact for him it's probably the ultimate - mates and woman all having a fun time. Boys are so different. They don't seem to need privacy like girls do. I love cooking, but cooking for 4 pretty much every night? a bit much.

Of course I got no sleep last night for some unknown reason so I am grumpy as hell this morning. This morning I found something dodgy looking in my porridge and had to flee the kitchen. To go cry. Pathetic but true. I need my sleep people. I am grumpy as hell without it.

In loving memory of Booster

The faithful steed who saw us through a 9000km once in a lifetime trip, through crater-sized potholes and glue-like mud in Zim, through rain, shine and corruption in Zambia and through coconuts and chemically induced insomnia in Mozambique is gone.


Booster, a 2x4 Toyota Hilux double cab, was one of VERY few cars NOT to get stuck in Mana Pools. 4x4 landrovers and cruisers were getting stuck left, right and centre, but not our Booster.

Booster left us yesterday, tragically taken from our lives by a thief in Cape Town. Booster, you will always hold a special place in our hearts. We love you buddy and hope they'll be good to you!

The cursed house

It all seemed so good when we moved in... the jacuzzi, the pool, the indoor braai.
Ah but there were warning signs. Like the fact that the previous tenants had a life size painting of a faun (goat/man thingmajig - I think it's a faun but I'm a little behind on mythological folk so who knows). Or the fact that the estate agent has PINK pencilled on eyebrows and was downright rude to us from the start.

Well ten months later the pool is STILL brown - it was broken when we moved in, they got some cheapo fix job which lasted a month and it has been broken ever since, we have been robbed 4 times and I am ready to get violent with the pink eyebrow wench.

In spite of the pool being as it is, in spite of us asking for increased security (which we will happily pay for) since August and being told (SINCE AUGUST) they are busy getting quotes, in spite of the fact that they KNOW I'm pregnant, she is giving us attitude still. The Band let her know we'll be moving out at the end of the contract period. She replies that the garden is not in an acceptable state and we have 7 days to sort it out. Now we have a regular garden service so I genuinely don't know what she means, but as the Band pointed out, if she comes to inspect any part of the property she has to MAKE AN APPOINTMENT to do so. But nevertheless, WHAT ABOUT THE BLUDDY POOL AND THE BLUDDY LACK OF SECURITY AND THE FACT THAT AN AXE WAS LEFT ON MY DRESSING TABLE ON ONE OF THE MANY TIMES THIS PREGNANT WOMAN WAS BURGLED?????

I am going to Hello Peter her ass the second we are out of there!!!

The real reason I'm in conservation...

If you every thought I was a fantastic do-gooder for being in conservation, you may be disillusioned. I discovered the real reason I am passionate about fighting climate change HERE yesterday.
I'm sure you'll all agree it's a noble cause.
(Shrink you evil bastards!!! SHRINK!!!)

Boot camp and booty calls

So I am back at bootcamp trying to ensure I'm not stuck with a tankass following the emergence of The Bambino in September. yes people, SEPTEMBER that means I am now more than 4.5 months preggers. Past halfway and so far it's a breeze. The ...er... chest is still bigger than the stomach but sure that's changing by the day.
Anyway, uncharacteristically, I digress. Yesterday I was in the process of dying at bootcamp and the instructor (aka Adolf) was taking the opportunity to assure us that despite what the admin fiends at bootcamp may say, it is perfectly fine to exercise through your pregnancy bla bla bla (I had to get special permission and sign an indemnity form and was enjoying feeling quite self righteous with my efforts until) this other woman pipes up (snottily) "I exercised ALL the way through my pregnancy and it was just fine... I did ballet!" (My mate rolls her eyes at me and I smirk, wondering why she had clearly stopped exercising since). Yes, yes, I hear all the cat meowing sounds you are making and I must admit that the hormones may be releasing a bit of ... honesty into my thoughts. But seriously she was just being a nasty little glory stealer. Just leave me alone to puff around that field and bask in the attention and praise it results in, k?
So now you're all waiting on the booty call bit which is the only reason you have bothered reading this far in the first place. Well now that I can finally track how people come upon this blog I figured I should probably type out terms like booty call as much as possible :). Just jokes. That's a bit cheap. There was in fact a great story about a booty call (oops, I did it again!) but it seems inappropriate to share it here.
And now you all hate me.

They're back

I could cry. I can't sleep. And the nightmares are back. I can't even pee at night anymore. It's just too dam terrifying. It's as if THEY KNOW.

Who are the infamous "They" to whom i refer? THEY, of course, are my nemesis. My greatest and probably only genuine phobia. THEY are RAIN SPIDERS.



Now sure this one looks deceptively cute and malevolent at the same time, but that's coz I am too dam scared to have a pic of a real one on my blog... i'd never come back here.

Loyal followers will know that rain spiders made my life miserable for many many months while I lived on the farm - to read about those terrifying ordeals click here, here and here. Since I moved to Somerset West and into civilisation I thought I was safe. No spiders in the past 8 months. In fact no bugs at all. Sure we get burgled on a nice and regular bimonthly basis, but still. No spiders was always something to be grateful for, right? UNTIL NOW.

Last night we went to chat to our good friends, The German Nudists (Ja Mein!). They have a beautiful (and safe) house and have officially decided they are moving back to KZN at the end of next month so it seems we will be moving there. I am in love with their place - it is a beautiful place with wooden floors and a real family feel and a perfect spot for a nursery next to the main room. PHEW, relief.... until....

I got home and (PREDICTABLY) was about to hop into the bath (they always choose their moments, those bastards)and grabbed my towel from my cupboard and - LET OUT A PIERCING SCREAM and did the on-the-spot tap dance I always do when I get a big fright. There he was. Watching me with his freaky compound eyes. It was in part a good confirmation that it's time to move on, but sadly also a warning that I may never be truly safe from the evils of rain spiders *SHUDDER*

raging hormones and the case of the flame thrower

I am grateful for the fact that I have gotten off ridiculously lightly thus far in terms of pregnancy. All my other knocked up mates are having episodes which put mere PMS to shame. TV ads bring on tears, husbands become enemy number 1, etc etc.
I've really had none of that. In fact I'm loving life mostly. Not because I'm blossoming with the joys of motherhood or anything as deep as that, but mainly coz my metabolism has sped up and I can eat what I want without gaining weight (HOW COOL IS THAT??)plus people are nice to me and keep doing stuff and buying stuff for me.

Anyway, my first and PLEASE LORD LET IT BE LAST emotional episode finally happened circa 3AM this morning but I guess the foundations for it have been laid over the last week or so...

To start with, I was in Durbs earlier in the week - yes, I know I travel a helluva lot and I have a massive carbon footprint but at the very least my travel is for a good cause, k?

hmmm... I may be a little defensive today.

Anyway it all started in Durbs. I managed to spend a bit of time with my GORGEOUS neice who is 4 and the cutest little girl on the planet. Oh please... you doubt me?
Doubt this:

She is very excited about the arrival of a cousin and quite fascinated by the whole thing. The low point came when we bathed together and she asked if the baby was being grown in my boobs. . . . . . ehem.
Well to be fair, I could see how she could get mixed up. My stomach is a pitiful JOKE in comparison to The Pamelas. Now the flat-chested among you may find this amusing and even complimentary, but mine were a very respectful size to begin with.

Anyway, with my changing body well and truly top of mind now, it also occured to me sometime yesterday that tomorrow (Saturday) I will in fact go from being somewhere in my mid-20s to being in my mid- to late-20s. I TURN 27 TOMORROW. This depressing fact lurked within my self conscious.. er i mean sub conscious.

Last night the sweet infant growing within morphed into some sort of FLAME THROWER and for the first time I experienced the agony of "heart burn". HA! Heart burn sounds like a benign little crush. This was like the Fires of Hell dancing in my throat.

The final straw was The Dream. I dreamt the band was at an arcade??? and when he emerged we were chatting when some chickie who he had been "playing" with came out to say goodbye to him. Well the skanky hussy was little and tomboyishly sexy. Wench. And as she departed The Band gazed on wistfully and murmured "I wish she lived a bit closer... she's so interesting".

Well I woke up (ok, I woke up AGAIN - there's A LOT of waking up to pee in my life at present!) and I was feeling OLD, MISHAPEN and THREATENED by the sexy chick with the boyish figure who was so bluddy interesting to The Dream Version of The Band.

I went to make Hairy Boon (the Baboon shaped hot water bottle which I have stolen from Harry) and some milo and got back into bed and then they started....
Hot, Self-pity filled tears streamed down my cheeks. "She's so interesting!?" Bluddy hell. I AM INTERESTING THANK YOU VERY MUCH! And I wouldnt be peeing all the time, and be changing shape if you hadn't knocked me up in the first place!!!
INTERESTING!!

At some point The Real Non-Dream (and No Longer Dreaming) Band woke up and realised I couldn't sleep so he played with my hair a bit and eventually offered to put on an episode of The Big Bang Theory for me. Ah. So at 3 this morning we watched a big bang theory and then I fell fast asleep and had sweet dreams and woke up feeling my usual wonderful self and being all excited for my birthday tomorrow and that, lads, is why you are lucky to be MALE!

voting moral dilemma

well it seems that everyone is blogging about their voting experience on wednesday. The most eventful part of my voting was the queue and the moral dilemma which resulted.

You see, standing in the queue The Band handing me a Steri Stumpi (chocolate milk drink) - my pregnant indulgence. I was pretty bored by that stage and shoved my as yet unsullied thumb nail through the foil with gusto and SPLOOSH! chocolate milk splattered all over the lady in front of me's top. BUGGER.
She didn't notice, but the chick behind us did.

What to do? What to do? Should I ease my conscience by telling her but then have to stand behind a super grumpy woman for the next hour, or should I just pretend it never happened?

Well you can all guess which choice I went with. I am pregnant and can not be held accountable for my actions and besides, what she doesn't know won't hurt her right?

Perhaps as some form of divine vengeance, the nail ink person did a bloody shoddy job on my nail and in the last two days i actually think it is getting darker and bigger. At least steri stumpi washes out!

Scared of snakes?

...well actually you have every reason to be!
(oh, I'm sorry - you were hoping for some reassuring statistics about how you're more likely to die from having a coconut land on your head? Sure.. If you live in the middle of a coconut palm forest in central mozambique, but if it's SA you live in... well let's allow my photos to tell the story, shall we?)
When I went up to Ngala (borders Kruger National Park) in Feb this was one of the insane sightings... a bluddy 3m python hugging an impala to infinity and beyond.
I guess now's about the time to put in the little disclaimer of *NOT FOR SENSITIVE VIEWERS*





In this one you can see the python's head as it goes over the rump of the impala. The head must have been at least 15cm long. FREAKY BLUDDY DEEKY!

BTW thanks to Ches for inspiring this post :)

Men losing their minds

So there's no denying that the gestating female loses her mind just a bit. There are plenty of stories of women having car accidents only when they're preggers and in general forgetting their name. So far from my fecund self, I have gotten my (ANCIENT) pin code wrong enough times to warrant having my bank card swallowed and needing to replace it. The more horrific evidence of the porridge that is my brain was that a cousin smsd me on a monday to tell me there was A PARCEL for me at the post box and I only remembered the following Sunday. I have never, in my life, ever, forgotten about A Parcel At The Post Office For Me. I mean that's practically the most exciting thing ever, no? But I clean forgot all about it.

Anyway, has anyone heard of this happening to the father of the Unborn One? Coz the Band has definitely lost it. He has lost the keys 4 times in since yesterday. As I write this he is trying to break into his own car (no spare - yes, yes) because therein lies his laptop and I don't need to tell you how prone to the bluddy impacts of crime the two of us are!! So I think he's got pregnancy brain himself. What else could it be. Speaking of these matters click here to find out what very exciting thing happened today!

10 things I learnt this weekend

So lacking all originality, I have decided to plagiarise Being Brazen's post idea(thanks lady)
So here they are:

1. I learnt that if you tell Discovery you're knocked up you get all kinds of free stuff (score!)
2. I learnt that there is no limit to how much time I can spend sleeping in and napping. Getting into actual clothes is entirely optional.
3. I learnt that if you show a bit of interest at the Clinique counter they give you freebies.
4. I learnt that if you tell the Clinique lady that you currently use Woolies face products she will laugh at you. (imagine how much more she would have laughed if I told the truth: Water and a face cloth followed by a bit of cheapo moisturiser)
5. I learnt that I too enjoy The Big Bang Theory, but that Sheldon makes me frustrated to the point of actual anger
6. I learnt that my days of sleeping on my stomach are numbered... in the negatives.
7. I learnt that Mark Boucher lives in a really nice place in Constantia and that next time I should take my costume.
8. I learnt that easter eggs for breakfast works out just fine.
9. I learnt that when I'm hoping for leftovers for lunch the next day I should not invite my friends over for dinner.
10. I learnt that I have lost my tolerance for heat and summer must frikken duck now!

Phobias

So last night I hosted a murder mystery dinner for my friend Harry. Harry is an interesting character... he has a GENUINE fear of Asians. Now despite the fact that its utterly un-PC, and probably because of the fact that I live in a country which is still rather scarred by xenophobia, I find this HYSTERICAL.

Don't judge me.
Think about it.

The Cape (where I live) has very few Asians. There is certainly still plenty of racism around in SA... let's not even START talking about our snaky future president saying English-speaking whites in SA are not real South Africans(!!!!) And there is a lot of fear of other local cultures that still lingers among many South Africans.The scars of Apartheid run deep on both 'sides'. And while I don't think it's right to judge someone on their colour I do understand that if you have been victimised by someone of a certain colour or gender your unconcious response may be a generalised a fear of all people within that race or gender.

But in Harry's case there is no such experience. It's just so bluddy incongruous. All i can think of is that perhaps he watched some terrifying movie featuring an asian villain as a child. Either way the phobia is real. So us, being the supportive, understanding friends that we are, decided on a chinese theme murder mystery dinner. Everyone had to dress their parts and speak with accents. It was GREAT. HILARIOUS. The chinese accents soon started sounding more like rough chain-smoking elderly french women.

Do you have any phobias? I promise to try not to mock them.

Water

Water is a pain in the ass. Seriously all this guilt that people and media constantly put on you to "ensure you drink at least 8 glasses of water a day". Come on. In 26 years I've probably achieved that less than 50 times (sports events excluded). Now that I'm knocked up it's worse:
"Are you SURE you're drinking enough water?" um... well.... I'm not thirsty?
One friend threatened that junior was probably dessicating in my womb due to lack of water consumption. Bollocks.
I went for a scan this week and that kid is merrily aquaarobicsing it up and growing like mad.

confessions of a former UB

so thanks to this post a disturbing and once deeply suppressed memory has resurfaced.

Promise you won't beat me up or pull my bra strap?

The memory is this:
I used to sleep in a headbrace as a teen. Yup. Ala Ugly Betty herself.

In some freakish way now that at least 10 years have passed I feel quite proud of the fact. Like I'm a survivor or something.

A similar emotion was evoked (invoked?) when I was cruising through delhi week before last all on my own being swindled by auto-rickshaw drivers and being petted by beggars. an odd sort of high, but a high nevertheless, tho it probably had more to do with the fact that in India I was actually semi-wealthy. Yup - somewhere that our currency is actually worth a bit! Unfortunately everyone who sees you (all billion and something of the population) seem to be well aware of this..

on a happy note 6 years ago today The Band and I finally got together (after the obligatory prolonged period of fighting like cat and dog, flirting insanely and fighting some more).

We were on a 5 day hiking trail along the Wild Coast. It was the middle of the night. He didn't say a word. Just came over and woke me and kissed me.
HOT people. Very hot!

Earth Hour be%^&

:)
Hi guys and girls. ok I know that I always have excuses for being such a inconsistent blogger but come on. I am in charge for media at WWF - if you didn't read, see or hear about Earth Hour in the last month then you can be upset with me, but if you did, THAT's why i haven't been around. It was a monstrous bloody effort and I feel like I've been run over by a truck. Altho EH wasn't about saving electricity, I am pleased to say that Eskom reckons there was a 15% saving for that hour - the equivalent of 4.7 million lights being turned off and 400 000 Megatonnes of CO2 saved. Not shabby at all. That being said.. if i never hear the words "earth hour" again it will be too soon. ON A VERY HAPPY NOTE... guess what?? I WON THE COMPETITION!!! WOOHOOO. With 950 sign ups I killed it - second place was 350. YAY!!! and thanks to those of you who took the time to sign up. you rock and I will think of you in gratitude during my week at the Beacon Isle!! (valued at R14K! nice!) Last week, aside from Earth Hour and all the chaos that involved at work, we were burgled again. Bastards (and this time they left a hell of a mess) and my cousin died of an overdose! didn't even know he had a drug problem. So relieved my gran didn't live to know about it. It would have broken her heart. So anyway, a hectic week in every way and I'm glad it's over.

Delhi to Agra

yes people (not slyde) you are correct. India is where I indeed am. Been in a conference all week but tomorrow (after a good day's shopping) we take a taxi to Agra and spend the night. Saturday morning with a bit of luck we'll be viewing the Taj Mahal at sunrise. I'll let you know how it goes :)

Guess where I am?

I'll give you a clue.
The food is spicey. Everyone only drinks bottled water and we're 3.5 hours ahead of SA. The person who guesses right gets to name my child. haha RIGHT!

Anyone? Guesses??

Check out the pic

Hey guys.... click here to see the scan pic. ah cute.

So... I have an AWKWARD thing going on in 15 mins... That person who was making my life miserable who is not my spouse? I have a meeting about that situation with another person. EEP. Not going to be pleasant!!

P.S.

Seeing as i am now "out the closet" (no people, I am not gay!!!!) go check out mabakerscountdown.blogspot.com abnd find out why I won't need breast enlargement surgery any time soon.

My Wife is an Ax Murderer

Ok you guys are going to have to read between the lines here. Clearly I don't have a wife and clearly the Band is close on perfect. But there is SOMEONE in my life who is definitely 2 cookies short of a picnic. The lift doesn't go all the way to the top floor if you know what i mean and it is making life frikken miserable for me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

Saving the planet :)

ok, sure I've been scarce but it's all for a good cause. At the moment we are crazily working on promoting EARTH HOUR! (what is Earth Hour, you ask with wide-eyed intrigue).

Earth Hour
We (WWF) are basically calling on a billion people worldwide to turn off their lights for an hour at 20:30 on 28 March. This unified, symbolic act is aimed at the world leaders who, at the end of this year, meet to decide on a new global climate deal. Needless to say, what they decide is really make or break for the planet. In addition to asking people to turn off their lights, we are also importantly asking them to sign up and pledge to do so. The reason for that is so that we can actually quantify the number of people participating and so make a strong case for action on climate change.

So... dear loyal reader... how do you participate?
Well you sign up through the widget on my blog for one.
Now here's the added thing... we are running a competition internally here at work and the staff member who signs on the most people gets a week's holiday at a hotel in plett with her Band... PEOPLE I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED THIS!!

Can you get people to come to my blog and sign up through my widget? The widget tracks who signs up through me.please please please??? I am clearly not above begging!! :)

OR EVEN BETTER:
please load this widget onto your blogs and encourage all your blogbuddies to do the same. The widget is coded and I will get kudos for the entries. YIPPEEEEEEE

<***iframe scrolling="no" width="162" frameborder="0" src="http://www.earthhour.org.za/widgets/widget160x330.php?refer=40d416b1acc47b16fe13238caf0eb8bd&wid=72" marginheight="0" height="332" marginwidth="0"***>

NB: Just remember to delete the 3 stars at the start and end of the code else it won't work :) They are just there so you can view the code as text :)

THANKS GUYS!!!!!

Happy Anniversary

to me and my Band :)
3 years today and it's been FANTASTIC!

So tonight we'll do dinner or something, but tomorrow we fly to JHB and friday morning we leave for 3 nights in the Sabi Sands. If you like going green then click here and prepare to want to hit me :) Its going to be pretty dam amazing. And no, in case you are wondering, we can't afford R4900 per person per night, but we know a guy... and so we stay there for PEANUTS!!

I am certainly not above 3 nights in 6 star luxury in the bush. BRING IT ON!!

Just B Positive

Is it weird that I've never known my blood type? Well it's B Positive and I am oddly stoked about it.

flu sucks

seriously. who has flu in the heat of frikken summer!?