Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Haunting (written yesterday evening)

She’s back. Or maybe it’s the father. I think so… pervy daddy long legs. *SHUDDER*

So anyway. I ate supper etc etc, came into my room for the nightly spider inspection and the coast was all clear. I bravely let down the blinds and checked under the pillows. All good. Phew.

The band had gone up the road to watch the footie, so it was just me.

I had a long bubble bath planned and the water was running while I brushed my teeth. Then I noticed a freakish, annoying reddish slow moving fly thing lolling about where my head would soon be resting. I wasn’t happy. Ingeniously I used a candle to relocate it (I know!!). But instead of flying out the window as planned…. It flew up, up, up to the corner of the ceiling (the house is thatch so it has weird shaped corners and high roof with no ceiling actually. I digress (it’s what I do). Anyway, I was watching the creepy fly and BAM!!!! There he was. (*SHUDDER!!!!!!*) The grossly oversized ARACHNID (*cue creepy organ music*)

I yelled out an obscenity. There goes the idea of a bath (probably ever again). Ain’t no way this thing is ogling upon my nakedness AGAIN with his freaky compound eyes. Eeeeeeeeeeeugh. And I swear, even the angle that he stood at was perfectly positioned for the view. Heebees!! It was like he was waiting for me.

You will be proud to know, valued readers, that in that moment I thought of you. Yup and it gave me strength (not enough strength to strip naked in front of the gigantosaurus one, but still) I didn’t even cry this time!! I cursed him for only showing himself when the band was away. I cursed him for robbing me of my bathtime. Then I thanked him for at least rather being in the bathroom than my bedroom. (Hey, you gotta look on the bright side).

I tried to take a photo for you, but he is cunningly placed in the shadow. How convenient!! But I did try to measure his size – albeit from a safe distance – and his diameter is less than the length of a tube of toothpaste, but more than the length of a razor. So I guess he’s about 20cm. THAT IS HUGE!!! And his legs aren’t even completely outstretched!!!

So I’m typing this in my spider-free room telling myself that hygiene is overrated and that I can last til I get to work before I wee. Seriously… don’t see myself re-entering that bathroom til the evil one has left the building!! He’s waiting to pounce. (one last *SHUDDER* for good measure)

1 comment:

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

oh god i know how you feel.

this house has the most variety of spiders i have ever seen in my whole live long life.

the tiny colourful ones. that look fucking poisonous.

what scares me fucking witless is the thought of spiders crawling on The Kid while he's sleeping and biting him.