Friday, July 31, 2009

random friday thoughts

The Band is sick. He got a blood test for malaria this morning. Sure it's going to come back clear as he was in madagascar about 6 weeks ago. But not great to see him feeling so rough.

It will cost me R500 per day to upgrade from a general to a private ward when i pop. Is R1000 worth it? anyone out there had a kid in a SA private hospital and have some advice?

4 weeks from today is my last day of work. Bring it on. Can't wait. Stuff loads to do between now and then but the end is nigh. fanfrikkentastic.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Winnie. It's never been the best of names. I mean you have Winnie the faecal matter, Winnie the killer of Stompie. And now, a new winnie. Winnie the pain in the ass.

Our new house is fanfrikkentastic. It's rather sick really. but accross the street lives winnie. Some form of overgrown maltese cross something. She is mostly a mottled faded black colour and she HONES. No really. There is serious pong in the vicinity of that dog.

But stinkiness I can handle. It's not like I feel the need to cross the road and visit. What I can't handle is the utter regularity, the consistency, the precision timed 20 second apart, high pitched "NYAP NYAP" that goes on all day and all night.

"NYAP NYAP" ...pause (long enough that you think perhaps...but no-) "NYAP NYAP"
"NYAP NYAP" "NYAP NYAP" AT NOTHING! There is noone there. she has a MASSIVE yard. but still she must sit at the gate all the livelong bluddy day "NYAP NYAP"

I am writing this post from home and above, where you see a nyap nyap - that is a true reflection of the ac- "Nyap NyaP" -tual yapping taking place "Nyap nyap".

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The not so elusive Gavin

Who is this infamous Gavin, you ask?
Gavin is my constant companion. He's pretty much always by my side. My heart burns for him when he is afar. I can't say I like him, but I do need him.
Sometimes when I can't have him I battle to sleep or even to function properly... but when I have him he disgusts me. He is vile, but he is necessary.



it has happened.
i feel pregnant.

yes, yes, i do realise that I am, in fact, well and truly knocked up, but after a looooooong hiatus of reportable "symptoms" i am now feeling it a bit.

For one thing I am tired, even though I slept well. I feel groggy. For another thing, I have cankles. CANKLES PEOPLE. My feet have swollen and I am down to one pair of work shoes.

Fortunately, with a mere 7 weeks to go before the popping happens (and less than 5 weeks of work - WOOHOO)I think I will manage.

Bring on mid-september when I can kiss Gavin* goodbye, I can wear nice shoes again, I can have one frikken massive G&T and pig out on sushi like never before.

*more on him later...

Monday, July 27, 2009

SA's own lady gaga

Ok so maybe you JHB types have all heard this already, but the Cape is a bit behind and I heard this for the first time this weekend... (non-South Africans: this is typical South African humour but unfortunately in Afrikaans)

Click here to download. So very worth it!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Is it just me

or does the baby floating round the countdown thingie to the right of this look super squashed?

55 days... 8 weeks.... and a mere 6 weeks til i'm off work. WOOHOO!

So I finally got a 3G card and I am considering blogging or at least twittering a bit through labour. Perhaps that is overly ambitious of me, but you guys need to be kept up to date. Besides, I need to be distracted. And if it's true that some kind of hormone is released after the kid is out to make you forget about the pain, that would mean we never know the truth about labour unless we are witnessing it.

In the words of that wise sage Nacho Libre "ggggyooo theeenk I'm craseeee, dont gggyooo?"

"You're looking swell"

har har har har har heh heh heh heh heh
No really. You crack me up! That's brilliant. Did you eat a clown for breakfast? NO??? You thought that one up on your own!? Really? I can tell. It's SUPER original.

People are stoopid.

Friday, July 17, 2009

sometime this morning

my sister in law who I love becomes my ex sister in law.

my neice officially becomes the child of a broken home.

my brother signs and seals his gravest mistake.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

tick tock tick tock


Our CEO is away at the moment and I wish he'd come back already. If he doesn't, I am quite certain his PA could peg on us. You see, my office is right near hers, so every time she trudges out with a ciggie between her fingers, huffing and puffing along, I see (and hear).

Alice* is a smoker. Not just a social smoker. Not a mere "every now and then" sort. Oh no. When her boss is away it rises to a whole new level. It's practically half hourly. She is early 60s and looks like shes in her mid-70s. She literally huffs as she walks. I thought I struggled with the odd bout of breathlessness. Please I am an AMATEUR - this lady is actually battling to breathe and her panting is punctuated with a hacking smoker's cough. The worst is that quite often she likes to have a post-ciggie chat. She comes into my office and I kid you not - no exagerration at all - the entire room stinks of camel cigarettes. And honestly, the smell lingers for a good 20 minutes after she leaves.

Alice is rather deluded on the issue of smoking... she's not your typical, slightly sheepish, always-intending-to-quit-but-never-getting-round-to-it, always-conscious-of-stinking sorts of smokers. Oh no. She has actually told me that she believes her smoking keeps her from getting colds and flu (well that's great but I'd take flu over emphysema??). She has also said that in fact it's STRESS that's the killer and smoking is therefore good for her health as it relieves her stress. The best was the other day where she went on a rampage about how the anti-smoking lobby is merely a political ploy to gain pats on the back. "It's absolute rubbish. Some studies have shown smoking to reduce alzheimers but you'll never hear about that will you?" (Cough, hack, cough cough). "And what about alcohol. That kills more people but you can drink where you like and drive drunk and noone says anything (really?). Drinking is the evil" (incidentally, yes, she does drink and, no, I don't get the logic either).

If ever there was a reason to not start smoking, it must be the sight of this prematurely aged woman trudging past my office constantly, cigarette dangling between her fingers, panting and coughing, the foul odour of smoke surrounding her, mouth shrivelled from 4 decades of addiction. It truly is a sad sight.

CEO, if you are listening, please come back... else Alice might peg.

* Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Alice was chosen as for the very obvious reason that this woman smokes Camels.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

2 months and counting

People, in a mere 2 months i am due to pop.

I am super excited to:
• Be able to close my jeans again
• Be able to wear hot bras again
• Be able to stop drinking gaviscon by the litre
• Be able to not be at work (woohoo)
• Be able to climb stairs without starting to pant
• Be able to go for a jog
• Be able to use all the cool and super higher grade baby gadgets that people
have bought us
• Be able to not feel slightly physically insipid and weak the whole time
• Be able to not have to pee constantly
• Be able to get through any social occasion without being asked: "when are
you due? How has it been? Any morning sickness? Do you know what it is? Do
you know what you're in for!? Natural birth or caesar?" (followed by the
inevitable horror stories of both)

Now fear not... I realise that these wont all be instant improvements, but I'm assured that the heartburn and the breathlessness DO disappear instantly and that is good enough for me! The rest I can work on.

I am OF COURSE excited to meet the bambino and finally see if he's a he or she's a she, but that all feels very surreal and hard to imagine at this stage.

Do you guys remember the Earth Hour competition that I pleaded, cajoled, manipulated all into helping me win? I told you I won it right? So anyway, the Band and I will be spending a week here:
all expenses paid and doesn't count as leave. The catch? It's from 29 August - 5 September in Plettenberg Bay. I will be 38 weeks pregnant. You can be dam sure I'm going anyway! No two ways about it. And hey, if i pop in Plett so be it!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Unravelling the mystery

It all started with a big bang. BANG!

And following that musical interlude...
I LOVE YOU GUYS! It's FANTASTIC you are clueless about compactums! I was clueless until about 3 months ago. I mean seriously, the word "compactum" sounds suspiciously similar to constipation in my opinion. And when one thinks about it... well, never mind that. If you are looking for toilet references go visit Ches, but you won't find them here!*

So, my precious little fellow ignorami, what is a compactum, you ask. Well a compactum is pretty much a surface that is high enough to change/bath a baby without breaking your back. It usually has shelves and stuff built in for storage, but that's the gist of it. Now don't ask me why it needs it's whole own poncy name. I find it borderline offensive... it just sounds rude "compactum". ugh. But the world of pregnancy LOVES to gooi all kinds of never-before heard lingo at us poor, deer-in-the-headlights pregnant peeps. As it is we are dealing with pregnancy amnesia (it's a medical truth people - check me!)now we have to learn words like lanugo and vernix and compactum and oh don't get me started on merconium.

*ok fine, so I contradicted myself by mentioning merconium, but 99% of you didn't know that so i figure that one doesn't count. But listen, if I ever turn into one of those "Ooh he made a solid one today" sorts please do something dramatic to me. I'm not sure how dramatic you can really get through cyberspace, but you're a creative lot, you'll think of something.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Nesting up a storm

People please accept my humblest apologies for being such a crappy blogger. Last week I was all like "must prove my worth to this company, must work my ass off", this week I'm all like "must get everything ready for The Bump's imminent arrival immediately". I never claimed to be stable. Anyway, perhaps one day I'll go back to my usual state of "must blog coz it's cheaper than a shrink".

So last week I was up in JHB for work. The mothball (my mom) was here for the weekend and it was great though exhausting. Honestly I don't know where that woman gets her energy. It's both inspirational and scary. On Saturday we got more done in terms of baby stuff than I have done in the past 7 months of pregnancy. No exagerration at all sadly! My parental units spoilt us with a bunch of stuff including a pram, car seat and the frikken rolls royce of baby monitors (if it could just change nappies...)

The Band was busy all weekend building cots and compactums and stuff. He is now Bob the Builder. Very cute.. er.. I mean manly having him all covered in saw dust and using machines I never knew existed.

The Mothball and I painted and varnished and sanded. Ok, not so much with the sanding but that sentence seemed to need a third verb.
Here is the finished compactum (cot is still being finished off):

muchos impressive, no?

Ordered my reusable planet saving (cash saving) nappies today from inkland (ya ya ya I know I know. I don't have the energy to defend my choice so I'll just let you know how it goes in reality ok?) so we have gone from having a couple of vests and stuff last week to being just about well and truly sorted this week. Don't know why after being little miss laid back the whole time so far I have now manifested into someone who NEEDS TO HAVE EVERYTHING READY NOW.

Baby: You are not invited to pop any time soon. Stick it out another 2 months please - else my maternity leave will be up mid December which will be completely inconvenient.

Speaking of The Unborn One - went for a scan last week and apparently the baby is weighing in at a solid 1.6kg. That's big in my opinion. It's UBER weird seeing my stomach move and being able to feel a foot. Weird, but quite cool.