Monday, May 25, 2009

Only women truly know

how to cut other women DEEP!

Ok, I have to admit that for the most part I find it hysterical, but it is truly odd the things that people (actually, WOMEN) say to pregnant chicks.

I have a pregnant friend (K8) who's about 2 weeks ahead of me and she and I like to compare notes. So far she is getting it worse than I am but that's probably coz she is small and British and not very scary. This weekend a lovely old lady we both know says to her:

"So what do you think you're having?"
"I think it's a boy" says K8.
Lady gives her the once over and nods "Yep, I reckon it's a boy." she then continues (why oh why) to say "you know in Greece we believe that when you are carrying a boy you get that "wild look" - your skin is bad, the colour drains from your face, your hair goes all ratty."
And then (oh the very tactlessness of it) she says "And if you are carrying a girl -" (now perhaps you think she will make up for it - maybe say something like 'you get a huge ass or your hips get massive', but no)... "you glow".

I got one this weekend, but it wasn't soooo bad. more of a dreary warning really:

"So, you must be practically in your 3rd trimester and you don't even look pregnant" (Nice, right?... but short lived - that wasn't all...) "Mind you, I was about the same and then I put on 30kg in the last trimester." rather ominous.

But no one likes to hear a preggers chick is getting off lightly, which may explain the snotty comment I got today at work:

"Crikey - you are going to DROWN your kid with those!" (as skinny, flat chested, unpleasant middle aged woman makes 'massive boobs' gestures).

Also when people say "not long now" and I say how excited I am for the maternity leave they quickly make sure to drum in the fact that I better not think it's going to be restful or pleasant in any way or, better yet, they ignore me and commiserate with each other "snigger snigger... she has NO IDEA clearly." then they turn to me (ganging up now and gaining moment) "the first 3 months are hell. After that it's more hell. and as for the teenage years. well good luck. They're pleasant when they're 18 but then they leave and that's when you REALLY start worrying about them. tut tut."

hahaaha I managed to bite my tongue (but that's just coz i slept through the night - woohoo - no midnight peeing - and I am feeling particularly chipper today) but what I wanted to say was: "just because you birthed BRATS, doesn't mean I will." Or something slightly wittier.

I even had one the other day where a friend said I was having an easy pregnancy. I agreed and said I felt very fortunate. Another friend interjected that I shouldn't assume my next pregnancy will be as easy. she actually cackled evilly and said "bwa ha ha just wait and see with the second one. Could be rough". HEY????

Now K8 and I have come up with a theory as to why it's always women who say these things. (I mean, no offence boys, but if it was guys there'd be no mystery here. Guys are... well... a bit dense really) But women KNOW the power of their words. If a women says something like that she INTENDS you to feel crap - whether she intends it subconciously is debatable, but nevertheless. So let's look at the evidence and devise a hypothesis shall we? (yep - I'm in my little B.Sc stride now - mock me about my porridge brain you dissidents and I will drown you with my impressive vocab and wittiness impressive stuff like that)

* all snotty comments come from women
* most women (of all ages) are fantastic
* but mostly those that are not are either divorcees or past what I suspect is a menopause type age or both
* the most basic of instincts is reproduction

There is a jealousy in these women. A pregnant lady is at her prime and is surrounded (for the most part) by loving supporter people who heap attention on her.

Next time I get a snotty comment I shall give a "glowing" and sympathetic smile and say "yes, but it is just such a privilege to be blessed with such fecundity. To bring new life into this world."

I think there is money to be made here. T-shirts, mugs, bumper stickers. I'm on to something.


Hels said...

Brilliant!! You're definitely onto something here!

You could probably add one more category to your list of snotty-remark-givers... singletons! Those professing that the single life is all that and a bag of patato chips but secretely they too wish to be incubating a bundle of joy! (this is just me hypothesising of course...not based on personal experience or anything ;)

Ches said...

I'm trying to relate Caz, I really am. But until I knock some poor girl up and she's eating chalk and grabbing at my shirt screaming, 'why, why, you f#@kin' asshole, WHY?!' I'll have to take you're word for it...

Caz said...

Ha ha yes ches, but that's coz you're a boy and by extension then a little dense ;o)

Gill said...

Why do people do this?? It's not only pregnancy related either - engagements...weddings.... I definitely think the jealousy thing comes into play. Oh gawd I hope I don't do it? Maybe I do!!

Caz said...

ya they are awful gill, but there's no way you do this. nah. not a chance!

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Well they are either jealous or complete fuckwads with no sense of social judgement. Or just plain assholes. Either way, screw them!

You are a gorgeous Mamacita!!

Tamara said...

One of my close friends is due any day now and she says she is SO tired of answering the questions "when are you due?", "what sex is the baby?" and trying not to strangle the millionth person to say, "you must be close now?"

My other friend has just taken to wearing a T-shirt that says, "Yes, I'm knocked up." That seems to reduce people to awkward silence ;-)

Caz said...

haha you're right. Yesterday the unpleasant one made some or other chirp about my cleavage. I smiled sweetly and said "jealousy makes you nasty". Childish, but satisfying.