Monday, February 22, 2010

Where we're @

A random, not particularly elegant update.

  • I have a bit of a bump starting to happen and I am sure that I am getting a few curious looks from colleagues - many of whom don't know that I'm pregnant coz I don't have the ----- (fill in every blank you can think of: energy, will, strength, bother, etc) to tell them.
  • I have gained 2 kgs
  • I am now 16.5weeks pregnant
  • I still haven't felt movement. I try. I lie on my side. I plead with her. But still nada. (It's just the placenta in the way, it's just the placenta in the way - I tell myself constantly)
  • Next appointment is in a week - next monday
  • The Band left today for a week in Madagascar. He gets back next Tuesday. I have been dreading his trip forever. Best Mate nikki is moving in in the mean time and will come with me to my appointment next week.
  • Some people have recurring nightmares of writing their matric exams, or appearing starkers in a public place. Not me. My recurring nightmare is that I wake up bleeding. It is awful. The start of the end of life as I know it relived again and again.
  • I seem to have a lot of people telling me terrible stories. Not quite sure how to get around it. By the time I could say something it's already been said... stories of repeated abruptions. Stories of baby tragedies. How about just letting me try claw my way into a bit of positivity?
  • eeeeeeeesh.

17 comments:

Blue Sunflower said...

Caz - I cannot say that I know how you feel, cos I don't. But I know how the uncertainty or the waiting and the fact that you are feeling scared must make you feel....

I pray that all goes well for you...

Thanks for the kind and inspiring words you left on my blog. I know that this hard and trying time in my life will pass. I have faith in God that it will pass. But thanks again.

A Mahram is someone who you cannot marry. So like your dad, uncle, brother, grandfather etc.

Caz said...

thanks lady x

cassey said...

Oooh, a bump how awesome :) Maybe ignoring the people with their silly stories would help?

Caz said...

@cassey - i try to, but the reality is you can't unhear something. Paranoia (though milder than I expected) is something that is a reality in pregnancy after loss and much as you long to hear the happy endings, people love to tell the tragedies. Those tragedies can consume you if you let them. I bet my sad tale is one that is giving some other poor pregnant mom sleepless nights - actually I know it is. Sad but inevitable to some extent.

cassey said...

Caz...I think that your story is one that would help pregnant moms: she'd know more and also if/when things go well for her she'll realise her blessing. I hope that the next 13.5 weeks go well.

JessicaGiggles said...

So exciting when you can see a bump! Can't wait to see myself with one one day.
I'd suggest ignoring those people or telling them that you don't want to hear those types of stories.

Caz said...

thanks cassey x

Kristen said...

I think about you often Caz! Lots of thoughts are going your way from Kansas! I hope your week without the Band goes fast and that your dr's appointment is fabulous!

Simply-Mel said...

What the HELL is wrong with people? Sorry Caz. :( Cant believe people can be so insensitive, calous and just blerry stupid.

angel said...

I have never understood people's need to tell those dreadful stories to pregnant women and new mommies!
Perhaps they'll stop telling you when they find out about your new baby?

B said...

isn't 16.5 still a tiny bit early to feel movement anyway? especially with the placenta not playing ball.

i'm sure people would understand if you head them off at the start of unhelpful stories (and if they do mind they don't deserve to be considered). honestly - if someone starts a story i think you're well within your rights to interrupt and ask if it is a positive story and if not, say 'then i'd rather not hear, thank you very much/you insensitive freak' (depending on your feelings towards the speaker obviously).

thinking of you.

Louisa said...

It's terrible that people keep trying to tell you horror stories when you're preggers.

I refused to listen to any when I was having Nicola. At one braai this woman was so insistent that I eventually had to threaten to punch her in the face if she didn't STFU.

Shayne said...

Oh Caz, people can just be so bloody insensitive and self-opionated some times. If i were in that position ... hhm, i guess i'd get up and walk away. Easier said than done i know, but for goodness sakes - do they not think you know just a 'little bit' about what can go wrong. Stupid morons.

I love the beginning of the bump stage. such a precious one. It's not quite yet noticeable to the people in the dark, it's like it's a secret between you and your bump and i just loved that time. Before you have the ignoramouses who walk up to you and literally haul off your top to touch your belly.

i think 16 weeks is still a little early to be feeling movement. Let her rest a bit longer xxxx

oh btw - the friend of mine who i mentioned to you? she's just spent 2 weeks at a clinic for severly depressed women. She is so so struglling with her miscarriage and life in general. ANd the kak thing is there is absolutely nothing anyone can do for her, it has to come from within herself.

Shayne said...

sorry about the essay i left on your blog.

Caz said...

Thanks guys...

LOL@Louisa.. perhaps it's time to start making threats!

@ shayne I love essays on my blog :)

Bruce said...

goodness gracious....you need a hobby to keep your mind occupied. I might suggest Pikman for the Nintendo.....lovely, sweek game and engrossing.

Ruby said...

*hugs* Have been thinking of you 3 so much!!! Please always remember that you are in my prayers constantly!

Positivity is very important...kick the negative people around you in the balls and focus on the silver lining. *hugs*