Monday, February 01, 2010

It's a....

As always with a scan I was Stressed Eric until I saw the baby moving and boy was baby moving! So spasmodic - obviously inherited my lack of grace at this stage! :)


The scan was incredible. The technology is really amazing and the specialist was so reassuring all the way through that I now feel more confident than I have in a long time about this pregnancy.

Well.... we know the gender.... it is not what we expected!!

It's a girl!

We were pretty shocked to say the least. I have to say that it was hard to hear - another daughter. I teared up immediately. Everyone I know who has had a stillborn has lost a daughter. I asked the specialist about that and she assured me that that is coincidence. Girls are no more vulnerable than boys and in fact if the baby is coming early, a girl will be better off in terms of lung development.

The Band and I went to Cavendish after the appointment and shopped up a storm. We bought all kinds of adorable pink outfits. It was so good for us - we never found out Sophia's gender and so we never had this experience last time. By the end of the shopping I felt peace, and in fact, gratitude.



My heart's desire is to raise a daughter. If I had a boy now I know that I'd adore him, but I'd always be waiting for the chance to raise a girl - I had even decided that if I only had sons I'd adopt a little girl. And so perhaps there is some healing in this - tough though it is, conflicted though I am. I have to take my thoughts captive and not allow myself to feel somehow disloyal to Sophia - Sophia is in heaven and I very much doubt she knows envy. I think she is probably excited about her little sister on the way and perhaps she is happy for us.

I am glad we found out. We are such traditionalists and if we hadnt lost Sophia so tragically we would have always found out on the day with the ecstatic doctor announcing "it's a...". I had so so often dreamt of that moment with Sophia and I mourn the fact that I will never have that. I am labelled a high risk pregnancy and as such, naivete is out the window. But this, finding out there is a little fairy princess growing inside me, has been good. It is wonderful to say "she" instead of "it" or just "the baby". I feel I want to be gentler because of her presence, and The Band seems to be feeling the same way.

He always asks how "his girls" are doing.

It is such a precious time and yet still, always, I long for Sophia with my whole being and I fear for this little one. I am terrified of losing her too. All I can do is pray - millions of times in a day - for God to protect her and make my womb a safe haven for her.

17 comments:

Emma's Daddy said...

That is exciting news! I'm delighted that the scan went well.

I like what you say about Sophia being excited about her little sister. That is a lovely way to look at things. She knows too that you won't forget about her.

I will be praying for you all.

Yaya said...

So sweet!!!! Yay!!!

Tamara said...

Congratulations again. I'm glad you've found out and that you can enjoy growing your little girl inside of you. I'm sure Sophia is happy for you as you suggested.

Caz said...

Thanks guys x

Anonymous said...

awww a little fairy princess :) that is so sweet and awesome, am very happy for you.

wheelboy and son said...

all babies are precious but I find my granddaughter just a little closer to my heart than others

Shayne said...

Such wonderful news.

I adore my two girls - girls are different and as you experienced after the scan, shopping for them is a treat!!!

Exciting times ahead.

Kristen said...

wonderful news! I have 2 boys and though I count my blessings that I was able to have 2 healthy babies I still long to raise a baby girl! Glad the scan went well!

S. said...

congrats!! what wonderful news!

Tracey said...

Beautiful news...to many many healthy pregnancy days ahead....keeping you in our prayers.

Misty'sMum said...

Just found your blog - congrats on expecting a little girl! Mine's 9 now, drives me absolutely wild but love her to bits. Definitely has a case of 9 going on 19. They grow up so fast *sigh*

I lived in East London for 10 years, are you from there too, or do your parents just live there? Not been back for about 13 years, not sure I would recognise it now.

I'm going to look forward to reading your progress. Take care of yourself!

Alison xx

Virginia said...

Congratulations! I know the next many months will be hard and scary, but you can do this...I will say prayers for your baby girl too, and for you. Sending strength and hope.

Caz said...

Thanks everyone :)

@Misty'sMum:
yep, born and raised in East London, though I'm in Somerset West, Western Cape, now. My folks are still in EL though and it's still "home" in many ways. Go back as often as I can - few times a year x

Meegyn said...

Congrats to you both!

B said...

I'm so glad all was well x

mad.island.girl said...

hello my precious friendie....
you have given me inspiration to start writing.

Im very happy for you my friend

your in me heart girl

love
chate

angel said...

I cannot imagine- even a little bit- what it must feel like to lose a child.
I pray that all will continue to go well for you and your fairy princess.