Monday, July 10, 2006

The other kind of bulge

ok, so there remains a myth which I have managed to refrain from mentioning. But days of refrainationess (?) are over. Here it is: the misguided and unfathomable myth that the moment you have that rock on your finger, you'll want a kid.

Everyone asks "So when will it be?" I have only to experience a hint of flu-provoked nausea and my friends (admittedly mostly my unwed friends who seem to be super conscious of what it is that married people "DO") exclaim with unbridled delight "do you think it may be morning sickness?"

One dear old duck whom I'd never met got hold of me at church recently, and, gesturing to my not-as-flat-as-it-once-was-before-I-got-married stummy asked "so how's the little one". I swallowed (hard!), smiled understandingly, and pointed to my friend accross the room, who is pregnant, explaining that she must have me mistaken for her. The woman looked at me oddly, said not a word, and hurried off. Our eyes haven't met since.

The second the lady had left a friend, who happened to have been one of my bridesmaids launched straight into damage control mode. It was as if security had been breached, like in an X Men movie when they have to freeze all the non-mutants to fix up a mess, or like in Monsters Inc when the swat teams suddenly pop through all the vents in the ceiling, hanging from ropes and dressed in black. Ok, perhaps not quite. This particular swat team member is more likely to be dressed in pastel pink, but that's a whole nother entry. She grabbed me by the shoulders. Stared deep into my flooded eyeballs and began repeating "she only got you mistaken for someone else, you are not fat" (listen to sound of my voice,..your eyes are getting heeeavvvyyyy......)

This is one on the ball bridesmaid!

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the fascination with my single friends about the fact that I actually could fall pregnant at any time. What these kind hearted or simply curious (they are weirdly intrigued at what sort of child the combination of my genes with stef's could produce..not sure why!) friends don't realise is that their continual reminder of the fact leaves one thought lingering in my mind practically at all times "I actually could fall pregnant at any time".

Eek!

no, make that double eek!

This constant threat to my status quo has resulted in many many dreams in which I discover I am pregnant and in my dream I am horrified. Isn't that the most terrible thing? (Also quite terrible is that when I wake up in the morning the tummy is still there!!)

Don't misunderstand me; I really love kids. And stef has to physically prevent me from getting lost among the kiddies section in woolworths (those little all-in-one outfits with the ears on the hood - SO IRRESISTABLE) I'm just loving time along with my husband (at long long long last) and I'm not quite ready for it to come to an end.

Anyway, the good news to this story is that yesterday I was talking to 2 friends who are pregnant and got so excited about it. Later I was at friends and watching their daughter; in a minitiature spider man suit and bunny slippers clutching her imaginary baby dinosaurs in her minute little hands and my heart melted a little more. Last night I had my first official pregnancy dream (of several thousand, I'm sure) in which I found out I was pregnant and I was delighted.....I was less delighted about the fact that in the dream I also needed to have my appendix and wisdom teeth out, but hey, baby steps! ;0)

So no, I'm a good few years short of being ready to deal with diapers... (actually, I'm a lifetime short of that... hope stef's got a strong stomach for that sort of thing!!) But I do know that one day I want to have a few little anklebiters of my own.

5 comments:

Meegs said...

Once again, I'm amazed that anyone could think you're pregnant - after having three of my own and an extra bum on my tummy, I covert your flat stomach!!! Wench! :)
Oh and by the way - there are now TWO baby dinosaurs!

alet said...

Hey Caz,
must say as a single friend I find your blog a bit scary...

Liza said...

Hey Caz... great to hear there are other marrieds who discover they got the ring, the dress, the wedding, the husband and the honeymoon and then discovered the sneaking little fine print of the uninvited belly bulge/ Buddha belly/ jelly belly. I once heard its cause was due to the sudden decrease in energy burning associated with 'sexual frustration.' Basically what this guy was saying was, "if you're getting any (in a warm, marriage relationship) expect the belly. Rhymes if you take out the brackets bit. But, the man has a point. When I look at my single friends (and there is NOTHING wrong with being single. Enjoy it for now,) and the amount of energy spent on wandering if he/she noticed me and if he/she will call and will he/she be at the party/meeting/class and he/she and I do get together is this the one and how will I know and... You get the point. A LOT, make that a truckload, of energy is being spent as apposed to cuddling up in bed with your cozy life partner who loves your squigy bits with a DVD and a chocolate bar... mmm maybe I should go dust off my gym membership card.
Maybe the next topic to be tackled is once you're married your entire single friend quit calling, writing, inviting. Do we have some disease? Are they scared happily-married is contagious? or maybe they just assume we are cuddled up in bed with our honey, our chocolate and a DVD.

Caz said...

ai aletjie...
first year of marriage is like first year of varsity - awesome, and nowhere else you'd rather be, but weight gain..ehem... I mean shrinkage of clothes... is inevitable. :)

aletjie said...

After Liza's response I'm even more scared of ur Blokkol "blogspot"!!! ;)
Aaaag and about the shrinking of clothing, that's not exclusive to marriage...myne krimp heeltyd, altyd, partykeer sommer twee nommers kleiner op 'n slag!