Thursday, July 20, 2006

The greatest cover up of all time...

...Guys totally get girls.
(And you thought I'd be talking about the fake moon landing!)

You get all these emails about what women really mean when they say "they're fine" and all these books into understanding women. And of course the FAQ "What do women want?"

It's such a load.

Guys can't be that dumb and still breathe.

I have studied guys for many years. (my darling brother telling the women to return to the kitchen in the comments of the previous blog was, as you can imagine, a great speciman to learn from)

While some of them may not look so bright, I can assure you that they are! BRIGHT AND SNEAKY! Plus they are far more complex than we women are. Sorry ladies.

Here it is boys: no more excuses...

What women want (as if you didn't already know!!!)

  • We want to know where we stand with you and we want that to be some place resembling a pedestal.
  • We want you to accept us as we are while inspiring us to more.
  • We want adventure.
  • We want you to be capable but never controlling. You gamble with your sick leave when you patronise us :)
  • We want you to see us as capable but not merely "one of the guys".
  • We hate toilet humour. It's never ever going to go down well with us. (conversely we love flowers... they'll always go down well with us)
  • And as a certain anonymous commenter commented, we want you to be men so that we can be ladies.

Ok there it is. The whole world knows it now. No more pleading ignorance!!!

Why, blissfully ignorant fellow ladies, would guys plead ignorance on such a topic?
Simple really. So they can sadistically torture us.

Case in point:
You ask your man "Do I look fat in this?"
Instead of the expected (or at least hoped for) "No, you look ravishing!"
You get "I love you no matter how you look"

Do you see the sneakiness? He's said he loves you! How can you be cross with him, and yet he has left enough doubt that you want to use sweeteners in your tea (BLEGH!)

See, we've been brought up to believe that we women are the manipulative gender. Sadly it's all the other way round. It's men. Since conscription went out the window (at least in SA) and most of them are too old for rugby, WE are the only bit of combat that they have.

And ladies, let me tell you: this is guerilla war fare.

1 comment:

Loly said...

Firstly, the "does my bum look fat in this" is a well known catch 22 for when women want there way. If we say yes then we would be acused of not being honest and then we would feel guilty even if we didn't think it looked fat. Say yes and i don't need to tell anyone what will happen. So the "I love you no matter how you look" is the only answer men can give to keep from going shopping on Saturdays. Now Caz will ask me how i know all this and the truth is that i have had some experience with the fat question. (Yes i have) So next time you want to go shopping just ask, the rugby isn't worth a saturday morning anymore.
By the way if you are fat then i'm sure your boyfriend would have told you by now ;