today i am sad.
I miss my gran. I feel kind of homesick for her if that makes sense.
I think through the process of reading through her diaries (20 years worth) in EL and all the letters she's sent me over the years and her bible here I have come to know my gran in a whole new way. Not just as my gran but as the woman.
I missed so much – like her loneliness at loss of my granddad. Every year she remembered her anniversary – we don’t think of these things and the power of phoning someone on the day and just supporting them. Her passion for her family and the impact of hearing from them. Life is so short and it’s so hard not to sit with regrets.
The night before she died I was at church and I felt that I should go out and call the hospital and leave her a message. But I didn’t. I put it off. And now she is gone and I will never get that chance. Stupid stupid me for not listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. A regret I shall have to live with always. BUT God is so good. Last night I dreamt I was in East London and Noon was going to die and we all knew it but I got the opportunity to tell her again for a last time how I felt about her. Amazing how God does that. Noon knew how I felt, I know that, but still… you know? Yes, … you do know.
Anyway, this isn't the point of my post. The point is to say that life is short and it’s the decisions we make on the spur of the moment – the decisions that cost us in the short term but mean something in the long term – that make all the difference.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
today i am sad.
thoughts of Caz at Tuesday, September 02, 2008