Sunday, April 25, 2010

It's my blog and I'll vent if I want to

Ok well at least I'm not a puddle. Actually, I'm more p'd off than anything else.It annoys me (esp when I'm riddled with flu) to be told that u can only get sick if 
your mind is not in the right place. Shoh. I guess that makes Stephen Hawking prettydumb then!? Ugh. 

Anyway, that's all fine, illogical (what with microbiology and all, but whatever). 
What really gets me is that belief that if something bad happens to you it is 
because there is a lesson for you to learn. If the same thing keeps happening to 
you it is because you are not learning your lesson. 

Can I just put it out there what my thoughts are when hearing something like this? 
Ok I will

What self righteous, short sighted crap. How quickly such a belief would change 
should you yourself ever face true sorrow. 

I wonder what lesson, then, I had to learn by losing my daughter. Or does this belief indicate that Sophia had a lesson to learn? I wonder what lesson would so flippantly be ascribed to those suffering the horror of multiple miscarriages 
or the heart wrenching pain of infertility. What of those who simply can not 
overcome cancer? 

It's just such a smug view and one that is so easy to hold when life is peachy for 
you and you are healthy, but certainly not one I believe that anyone who has faced 
tragedy could possibly concur with. 

I don't believe there is a simple "here's why it happened" answer. I really dont 
sit too often with the whys. I believe firstly that God never wanted Sophia to die, or for me to suffer. I don't think God is a sadist who sits up there with a 
proverbial magnifying glass frying us like ants to teach us lessons. 

I believe we live in a fallen world where bad things happen. Yes, God is sovereign and He allows them to happen, but I don't believe He delights in them. 
I believe God's heart breaks to see my sorrow. I believe that He uses all 
sorrows though.

I believe that when I get to heaven and am reunited with Sophia I will be
in a place where I will have the grace to bear all the why's. I believe that there may be a million good things that come from sophia's death - that God can use it in many ways in many different lives, but this side of heaven I don't have the grace to know them - until i am with her they could never be enough for me. And sure, among those many reasons the Band and I may have had some lessons to learn, but these lessons, whatever they may be are not the simple and sole reason for my daughter's death.  

That would imply that people who live through hard lives do so because they have lessons to learn. well what of those real shmucks who have a smooth time of it? I guess they need to be reincarnated to learn their lessons.

And anyway, what's the point of all these supposed lessons? Greater consciousness or some such thing? If it's about lessons and God simply punishes us until we get it right than He should have just created us enlightened and saved He and us both the trouble. No, I believe that God created us for relationship with Him. We live in a fallen world and He never promised us a smooth ride, but He did promise to never leave us or forsake us. He does promise us hope and a future. He is a loving God.    


B said...

See, someone suggested to a friend of mine that she read 'The Secret' and she got really upset, thinking that it was her own fault that some really shitty stuff happened to her, that she had attracted the pain into her life.

A few years ago in the UK there were really bad floods (bear with me, this is related. honest). hundreds and thousands of people were affected. If you buy the logic of The Secret, all these people simultaneously attracted water into their lives.


I do believe that there is always a lesson to learn in bad stuff that happens - BUT, that's only because I would rather seek out the lesson than have pain be completely pointless. YMMV, and I would never EVER tell people to learn something from their experience.

I would find it really hard to accept such views in my family. I hope you can find a way to either grin and bear it, or to put some of these points to them and at least make them stop in front of you.

Thinking of you. Hope you and the kernel are doing well.

andthroughthestorm said...

Spot on Caz. Hugs for strength as you face the world out there that really doesn't understand and certainly doesn't have the answers to our why's. Mrs ATTS

The Blue Sparrow said...

I agree completley with you Caz. Their philosopy works well for people who have never had to face tragedy. It just doesnt work like that in the real world, sorry. I'd be p.o'd too!

Sarah said...

First off, you are a beautiful writer, even when you're venting. Secondly, I have known a few people with that frame of mind and it realllllly bothers me to no end that they are that ignorant and self-centered. Today, for whatever reason, 3 babies have left this earth to be in Heaven and it breaks my heart. We will never know the why, or how, or who (as in why you?), but it happens. You are doing an incredible job of staying strong and especially now that you have another kernel on the way.

Virginia said...

I agree. Yes yes yes. There are no lessons to be learned from losing your child. A lesson in heartbreak, maybe, but no greater things one needs to learn. My mother actually told me to use my son's death as a "learning and growing experience" and I'm not sure I've ever forgiven her for that.

Jo said...

Great post.

angel41222 said...

Brilliant. I could not have said it better.

Caz said...

Thanks ladies. It's a relief to have some understanding here. Sometimes it feels like the people around me live in some kind of weird parallel universe where they see things very very differently and I am the odd one out. Thanks so much for the support xx

Ruby said...

I agree with you 100% and i also tend to get very annoyed with people who have this view. *many hugs*

Bruce said...

Simplistic answers for complex issues. Anyone that claims to have all the answers, seldom really undstands the problems.

I would agree that the things we fail at are supposed to teach us something, but that only applies when we are 'trying' to do something and fail. It is called learning from your mistakes. Losing a child or getting hit by lightening don't have a lot to do with trying to do anything (unless you are abusing drugs or holding and iron rod in a thunderstorm, in which case you would just be stupid, doubtful any lessons would help you at that point.)

Anonymous said...

Really well said! I would also be incredibly p'd off if I were you!

I have heard the 'christian' version of their belief too... it goes like this 'you are suffering/sick because you are sinning/lack faith'. This p's me off in exactly the same way - maybe more because its coming from people who should know God better than that!

The bottom-line of both - self-righteousness - the quality Jesus' admired most - NOT! (DUH)

I think your understanding and explanation is spot-on.

Well written!
Caio. Lisa. :)

acidicice said...

I couldn't agree more.

HRH said...

It is BECAUSE we are sinners that these "bad" things happen. This is NOT what God wants for us, but He never leaves us through it all. Continue to trust Him and His Word, after all that is all we can truly trust these days.