Wednesday, March 03, 2010

6 months and a gift

Today marks 6 long months since you were born. If you were here now perhaps you'd be teething and starting on solids. We'd know all your habits so well and I bet we'd wonder if there was ever a time when you hadn't been part of our little family. I think the dogs would be protective of you and your dad would probably have a special something - perhaps a put on voice or a method of zerbit to make you laugh. I think I'd be so proud of you but would try not to be too obvious about it and everyone would see straight through the feeble attempts at feigned humility. I'd show you off bigtime. I think you'd have LOVED bath time. You did when you were in my belly. You also loved the singing at church.. that was your absolute favourite.

This morning I resolved to sort out your cupboard tonight. More and more is being bought for your sister by excited family and friends and your cupboard is overflowing. I need to decide what I am going to be ok with giving to your sister, what I want to give away to Bosom Buddies and what I want to set aside forever, what's yours. I guess if you were still here it might be the same and that's the way I should look at it. There would be hand-me-downs and stuff that I'd rather give away and stuff that was essentially yours. I need to not be cut up that a cupboard bursting with all your things gets minimised to a shelf. I've put off this process for six months. Leaving the cupboard mostly closed, but now and then opening it and breathing in the sweet pink smell of baby products and touching your clothing. Perhaps it's silly sentamentalism - it's certainly not like you need these things where you are, but hey, I guess the guilt proves I'm a mom! :)

Today I saw something I've never seen before...
When I held you for that all too short time in the hospital there was a moment where your little rosebud mouth fell open. A perfect baby overbite. Eyes closed as if peacefully asleep. I've often regretted not having a photo of that.
This morning I looked at your dad and I saw the same image. I'd never seen the resemblance before, but something about how he was sleeping and the expression on his face mirrored how you looked that night 6 months ago. I don't need the photo. You are etched on my heart.

8 comments:

boobahsmom said...

...love...

cassey said...

hugs

Blue Sunflower said...

Tons of Hugs.....

Sarah said...

beautiful.

Shayne said...

Beautiful.

Made my cry. Big wrenching sobs.

You are going to be an absolutely awesome mama.

xx

livingintherainbow said...

Thinking of you today Caz on this day.

Tough task to sort through those things. Another milestone.

More peace and healing to you and may you feel close to both of your princesses

angel said...

What a beautiful post. Wow.
Strongs for your plan.

Kaylen said...

Beautiful.
I think you are going to be a great mom to your second child, just as you have given so much love to your first....if even for just a short time outside your womb-your heart holds so much love for her. You are doing so great, even if it doesn't always feel like it, and I thank you for sharing your heart with us here in bloggerworld.