DMWness and the inevitable bulge

There is something which, I am warned, goes hand in hand with DMWness. This supposed inevitability is that post-wedding women gain weight. I would like to emphatically dispute this. For one thing there is a distinct difference between fat and voluptous. For another, it is winter in the Cape, hence much rain, hence much tumble dryer, hence clothes SHRINK. Thirdly, it is a circular argument of sorts... if people insist on predicting you will gain weight, subconciously you surrender and oblige. So if newly married women do gain weight it may have more to do with
all their cursed married friends nodding knowingly (complete with rueful smile) and saying "it happens to all of us dear." (aka "YOU'RE ONE OF US NOW! muh ha ha" - evil laugh)

Now of course it should be noted that the reverse is not true. The reverse is in fact a sick and sordid plot to plunge you ever deeper and faster into DMW-bulginess. What am I on about you ask? I am on about the fact that from the moment you get engaged everyone from other ladies (this time sporting knowing smiles) to your dressmaker to... well... everyone telling you how the weight is just going to fly off you between now and the "big day". WHAT A CROCK. Any sensible person knows that actually saying that to someone completely jinxes whatever weight loss they may have experienced.