Friday, October 22, 2010

Day 04* → Something you have to forgive someone for.

*I'm busy with a 30 day meme. Read more about it here.

I've become quite a sensitive soul. I'm easily hurt these days when it comes to all things children and pregnancy. So sensitive, in fact, that I even get offended on behalf of others... for example when people curl their lips at the thought of the imposition of having children I want to strangle them because I know of the heartache of my friends fighting the infertility war.

Anyway, if I'm harbouring unforgiveness, it's generally around that general topic. Ussually I get over things with time. And so what comes to mind is something which happened this weekend. It was a telephone conversation with a family member who was speaking about a photo of Tandia.

Her: I showed it to my friends and I was telling them that, you know, she may not be a beautiful baby, but she is very cute.
Me: WHAT???? excuse me. Are you saying my child is not beautiful??
Her: umm well I think I'm saying it wrong. She doesn't look like your typical baby. She looks wise. Like she understands everything going on around her.
Me: Yes, I can agree with that, but seriously? You don't think she's beautiful???

I thought I'd be over it by the next morning. I wasn't. I woke up FUMING.

WHO SAYS THAT? Now let's all be honest for a sec here. There are some butt ugly babies out there. No doubt about that. But you NEVER actually SAY IT. ESPECIALLY not to the baby's mom. And in any case, Tandia is sure as hell not one of them. I have strangers coming to tell me that she is one of the most beautiful babies they've ever seen.

Why does this upset me so much? Well it's some healthy mama bear defensiveness coming out. And that's fine and even feels good. But it's also to do with 2 other, more sensitive things. It's to do with my previous post, for one thing. I can't quite put into words exactly how it relates, but you can figure it out for yourself, I'm sure. And it's also to do with the fact that I've never felt pretty. I've always felt mildly insecure about my looks. Some of that, perhaps, is inherited and it's not something that I want to pass on to Tandia. I want her to have a very good self image. We constantly tell her how much we love her. How beautiful she is. How precious she is. From the start I want her to have confidence in these things. There are far too many women walking around feeling bad about themselves for no good reason. I don't want that for my little girl.

Anyway, there is now tension between this person and myself. We haven't really spoken since. All it takes is "I'm sorry, that was not a nice thing to say". But I don't really think that's going to happen. Forgiveness is my duty, but a simple apology would make it a helluva lot easier!


Cybelle said...

I agree with you that you never say something horrible about a baby esp to his/her mother.
I think Tandia does look very wise, intrigued in her surrounds and life itself.
Would love to see more pictures so hopefully you will put up more!!


MeganTS said...

sjoe. I would have kicked her ass, never mind just not talking to her! what a completely STUPID thing to say!

I wouldn't forgive that until a sorry happens!

And your daughter is beautiful, and cute, and wise looking. F*** what anyone else thinks!

Tamara said...

What?! Has she seen the same pics we have? Maybe she's visually impaired? Tandia is beautiful.

And, as one of the few people who reads this blog that has seen you (and the Band, now that I think about it) IRL, I can honestly say that you're pretty darn attractive and she has nothing to fear from the gene pool!

Silly woman. Forgive her for being daft.

Gail said...

I think from your picture that you are beautiful - and I am sure your baby is too!

clare said...

I showed the pics to my family - so they could see how beautiful she is - she is totally beautiful and you look very very pretty, I was shocked at how young you looked though ;)

Sally-Jane said...

not cool, I would have been so mad. I have met you and your cute, lovely, beautiful daughter