Thursday, December 31, 2009

In 2009 I have learnt

• There is much sadness in this life
• There is much joy in this life
• The things that once mattered much – like holding on to me and who I think i am – mean nothing
• The vast majority of people’s opinions mean nothing
• A shared experience bonds people instantly
• I still like sleeping with a fluffy animal
• Internet/virtual friendships are very real and can greatly impact your life
• Verbalising my feelings is near impossible
• Writing my feelings is therapeutic
• Grief can tear apart a marriage – not because of blame as I once thought but because people get lost in their own journey
• Grief can weld a marriage together – if both people are brave enough to trust each other with their hearts
• I don’t want to let go of my grief
• Grief is not linear. Each day is not a little easier. Grief grows and mutates and reveals new sharp edges – more aspects of loss to be mourned as time passes. It shocks you when you least expect it. It is ever-present. Sometimes revered and sometimes reviled. A constant companion.
• People want to “solve” my grief. They want to fix it. Sometimes grief just needs to be experienced.
• There is no right thing to say – there is only acknowledging that it happened and expressing your sadness
• We are near powerless
• Life is fleeting
• Joy can be found in the simplest of things: a massage, a kitten, sunbirds
• Pregnant women are everywhere
• Holding your own child for the first time is one of the most beautiful moments of your life.... even if that child has already left this world.
• There are incredible people in this world
• People surprise you – in the best and worst ways
• I am stronger than I ever imagined
• A sarky sense of humour is me. Despite what happens, it is there. Some might think that’s irreverant. They’ll get over it.
• A kitten can bring an inordinate amount of joy
• Empathy trumps sympathy a thousand times over.
• People and time invested in them is what matters in this life. You can’t take your job, your car, your achievements with you
• For the first time I am so excited for heaven
• My husband is the finest man I know
• My dad is right up there too (:
• God is a God of second chances.

7 comments:

Bruce said...

Quite possibly, one of the best and most heartfelt blog entries I have ever written.

I hope these lessons follow you into the next year and make it a more joyous and happy time for us all.

Bruce said...

(duh, that should have said, 'read', not 'written')

livingintherainbow said...

A really amazing post. I could be inspired to write a page on almost any one of these lines.

You are very right about a lot of things here.

You are right about the vast majority of opinions meaning nothing. Only you can navigate your journey, others can guide and recommend but unless they have been on the journey you are on their guesses are likely to abandon you on rocks or lead you to open sea! And of course so many want to fix it or solve it or help you get over it! The best thing they can do is give you outlets to express it, be real in it and be a friend and companion who takes their cues from you. It helps if people have experienced something of the darker side of life so they can show empathy. You yourself can be a real support to others in time as you can relate to the tough things people can experience.

You are right about the pressures grief puts on a marriage but the potential for positive or negative is down to you. does it drive you apart or together? The cliche that contains so much truth is that of a diamond being a lump of ugly black coal under pressure. Grief can be like that in a marriage if you let it.

And oh yes heaven is amazing and real and so much apart of your family now. Not sure if you have seen this song - but I share it with you - I am not sure if heaven is exactly like this but it sure captures an amazing element of truth for us who have a daughter in heaven already

http://livingintherainbow.com/2009/09/16/heaven-is-the-face/

Peace

andthroughthestorm said...

Caz
Thank you for putting down in black and white so much of what is stirring in my heart right now. I'm in full agreement with most of your list, apart from maybe the kitten (they make me sneeze). Heaven is so much closer now because a piece of our hearts is already there. With our love and prayers for you and the Band.
Mrs ATTS

Emma's Daddy said...

What a stunning entry.

"We are near powerless" seems to sum up in four words everything I've felt for the last 14 months.

I hope this coming year is gentler on you.

Blue Sunflower said...

Really great post Caz.... well written and well said.

Blue

ExMi said...

you make my heart cry.