nerd a bluddy lert

Hi all
I'm sorry i suck so much! phew. It's the Bluddy Masters. Note: the official title is now The Bluddy Masters. Not the Masters, the BLUDDY masters.

SOOOOOOOOO tired of it now. tired of reading about climate change.

Figured out that I have been studying now for 19 YEARS!!!! NERD-A-BLADDY-LERT!

My thesis needs to be in and complete at the end of Oct so i pretty much need to finish this weekend to allow time for corrections etc. OOOOH THE STRESS!!!

the band has been away ALL WEEK so i have got some work done. But it has been sooooooooo lonely and i've had horrible nightmares every night - tam: even worse than a nipple on your bum! All these shark dreams and dreams about radioactive virus things and poisonings and supporting the indian cricket side. seriously.

Anyone out there a grey's anatomy fan? How yum is mcdreamy!?

anyway, i'll be back sooner next time.

Sux

These are things which suck at present:
* I have flu AGAIN (cough cough cough)
* I have a blister on my ankle from my stoopid leaking hot water bottle and it is feeling sorer than it should... I hope they don't have to amputate
* stupid blogger doesn't allow for bullet points so i have to use these dumb little *s
* I can only breathe through one nostril
* one of our cars was stolen last night
* it was the one i moaned about and called a pile of crap
* it wasn't insured
* i have to sit at home tonight and work on my masters

Hen's night... help!??

So I'm trying to organise a very last minute somewhat unofficial hen's night for a buddy of mine. Her wedding and all her bridesmaids are in natal, but she has moved to stellenbosch and has a lot of friends here who can't make the hen's night in natal.

Anyway, so now i am trying to put together a quickie low key one for thursday night. I NEED TIPS PEOPLE! And tips a little more creative than "strafdops".

One idea which i thought was quite funny was as she opens her presents (it's a lingerie party) someone writes down what she says and at the end she has to read out all the comments and we say it's what she'll be saying on her wedding night. So it will be look "Oh that is soooo cute! I love purple. Thanks so much, that's lovely!" etc. hahaha, Ok, well i think it is pretty funny. Anyway, what else? I am stumped. Anyone got a good recipe for mohitos? I thought that afterward we could take her out in Stellenbosch with a "scavenger" list of duties etc. I had one on my hen's night and it was pretty funny. For example: I had to take a photo inside the guy's bathroom, I had to collect 3 chest hairs, I had to sing a song on a table, i had to get 3 guys to propose, etc etc. And because you're dressed funny with the list hanging around your neck, people get really into it. WHAT ELSE THOUGH???

I’m married to a saint… and sometimes I want to kill him

So I don’t know if I mentioned it, but last month I got a lovely new car. It’s beautiful. Air con, power steering, great sound system, doesn’t have the tendency for sporadic epileptic fits as soon as I hit 100km/hr, doesn’t require a broom handle to hold the boot open. All in all, by my standards pretty darn luxurious. Driving it makes me feel happy. It makes me WANT to run random errands.

Ok, so now you know, I love the new car.

Unfortunately I have pretty much forgotten what it looks like. Why? Because my darling, wonderful, generous husband, ever so kindly lent it to his boss’s wife for 3 weeks while he had to use their vehicle for work purposes.

Where does that leave me? Well it leaves me driving a cranky piece of ... rubbish which has absolutely no heating system whatsoever. As a result I have been coughing up lungs for the last month.

“Last month?” You ask. “But I thought it was a 3 week loan.” You and me both!

You see the 3 weeks ended on Saturday, but now the car he has been driving needs a service and new parts and stuff, so in the meantime I continue driving the … crud car.
Which is fine… What’s a little hypothermia between friends….

Except that for the past two mornings it has BROKEN DOWN ON MY WAY TO WORK!!
(I am so calm… I am SO FRIKKEN CALM…. I AM SO BLUDDY FRIKKEN CALM!!!!!!)

This morning I had a staff of petrol attendants pushing the pile of cr… crud. Until FINALLY, EVENTUALLY it came to life again.

Anyway, being married to a saint is sometimes not all that heavenly

Blue in the face

It's reeeeally been one of those days. Anywho, I dashed home at lunch time and attempted to open a tin of tuna. Stupid non-electric tin opener was giving me grief but eventually with a colossal splat(!) the tin opened, at the same time covering my VERY nice black coat with tuna water. SIIIIFFFFF!!!!!!! I quickly half washed that part and rushed back to work. But by the look of my colleague, it still STANK! NASTY.

I am sick. Flu. *cough cough* And WWF is obsessed with meetings. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Unbelievable. The two don't mix well.

Anyway, I keep choking. Sorry if that's gross, but I'm trying to paint a picture here. I keep choking coz I am sick. But when you're in a meeting you hope it will just go away. But of course it doesn't, so around the time that my bulging eyes start watering and my face starts turning blue I have to flee out the room to get water. I must smell and look like a fish out of water. hahahahaha. Sorry. time for my meds.

the Pizza from the oven of hell

Hi all. Prepare yourself for a somewhat uninspired post. No wait, that's not the way to keep an audience. Let me start again....

SEX.
Now I've got you! So sex, hmmm. what to share, what to share.

Well the band and I went to hermanus for the weekend. It was a trip doomed from the start.... The stupid bloody antihijack device unglued itself and sucked back into the underworld of the behind-the-steering-wheel section place. So we basically had to undo the whole interior to access it so we could use the bloody car. ARGH.

That little adventure took several hours. Yes, hours. So we got there late and grumpy. the up side was that we could hear the sea. That's a very very BIG upside from she who hails from Nahoon. Sound of the sea must be one of my top 2 sounds of all time. (the other being the sound of thunder)

Anyway blah blah blah the weekend was good but had some... er.. unfortunate moments which sucked. One of them was that we went out for dinner and had the worst meal ever. A pizza, esp a simple margharita (spelling??) with pineapple is ussually a fairly safe bet. I mean how do you stuff up a pizza?? they managed. It was thin thin thin and rock hard and flaky. Dairy intolerants could have eaten it - so scarce was the cheese. Acidic ulcer sufferers could have stomached it - so rare was the tomato. Vampires in the greater western cape would have fled the province, so abundant (AND RAW) was the garlic. So siff was the pizza (and so hungry was I) that I ladled tomato bluddy sauce all over it just to give it any flavour that wasn't raw garlic. heavy days. I think i probably still stink.

Also that whole thing about garlic being good for you must be bull... my throat is killing me. And I'm very grumpy.

PS Hopelessly unstable and LOUD headboard coupled with close proximity of host's parents resulted in zero of the first mentioned topic of this post. Grumpiness multiplies.

DESPERATELY IN NEED OF A HOLIDAY

So I can do a whole lot of this.......

Celebrity liaison to the stars!!

That's right guys.... It's in my future!

So I've been SWAMPED with planning for the Live Earth concert for the last couple of months, so that's totally my excuse for being so useless and scarce.
forgive me?

Anyway in the end I ended up looking after the celebs on the night a bit... getting them to the stage on time etc,etc. So I met Pauly Shore (sullen), Joss Stone (floaty) and UB40 (old), Danny K (hmm), Angelique Kidjo (What a legend!), Zola (beaut!), Baaba Maal (sweet), etc etc.. the best of all were the Parlotones. SUCH NICE GUYS!

I think I definitely am destined to be CELEBRITY LIAISON TO THE STARS!!! Wentworth Miller is next... or maybe Josh Lucas..... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Preggers?!

Well for the past two weeks I have been utterly convinced I was preggers. I was nauseous every day. I was waaaaay late... My body just didn't feel normal at all! To cut to the chase, no, I am officially not. But a funny thing happened while I thought I was....

You know how freaked out I've always been about the whole "being someone's mom" vibe? About forgoing my career and life as I know it? About getting bigger boobs? About labour (boo-boop - mock charge!!)and all that stuff,... ok I must stop elaborating coz that pseudo morning sickness is coming back.

Anyway, the very very very VERY (you probably don't understand just how VERY) strange and unexpected thing is that I was totally (secretly) stoked! I was actually disappointed that I'm not preggers. ISN'T THAT UNBELIEVABLE??? I mean we would have been financially screwed! My DREAM job would have been overs. And on and on and yet, faced with all these realities I was merrily picking out names in my head and planning how to announce it to the family!

In the 1st 6 months of marriage I was uber neurotic about falling pregnant. I wanted 4 years with my man before any additions came along. My greatest fear was that I would fall pregnant and be devastated... that would have been awful. I think a child should be seen and spoken of as a blessing from conception! So I was way scared that I would be the evil maternal unit who was embittered by the untimely arrival of her spawn...

So I guess my point is that I am really really really happy... God has changed something in my heart. And now when I am pregnant I know that no matter what the timing I will be really really excited.

Disclaimer time all you broody peeps out there: If it goes according to PLAN this will not happen till possibly late 2008....

WATCH THIS SPACE

More vegetarian laughs

HORRIBLE CAZ

Sooo sorry guys, I have been unfaithful to you, my loyal readers. It's bluddy facebook. It's so dang addictive. I even managed to sell two VERY ugly couches on it!!

One of those days....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

The return of the soul mate

Chris Roper has always been my favourite news24 columnist and I really missed him since his column ended last year. Well the great man is back and his very first column confirms that great minds think alike (yes, cynics, it may also prove that fools never differ). Anyway it seems that Mr Roper also feels The Rage thanks to VodaCON.

Click here for his column

Neeeiiiighbours, everybody needs good neighbours!

My landlord is a typical European genteel kind of guy. Very polite. Very respectful. All in all he's a great landlord... except for one thing: His uncanny knack to catch me in the most seemingly inappropriate moments.

The band and I live on a smallholding. No one can enter the grounds for a visit without calling us from the gate. Hence we do not have the worry of people dropping by without warning. Plus our little cottage is very private... no one walks past. You have to intend to go there to be there.

For these reasons we are quite relaxed at home. Correction: we were fairly relaxed at home.

It's my landlord

He has the most uncanny knack of coming by to drop of an invoice, fix a tap, tell us stuff when WE ARE LEAST EXPECTING A VISITOR.

Now for the most part it is not even that we are doing anything dodgy... it's generally completely innocent but would APPEAR completely dodgy.

Some examples:
I will put on some clothes.
Notice a missing button or something.
Remove pants
Sit on couch in g-.. sorry guys who know me..overshare... In onnies.
Begin to sew pants (domestic little me)
And... "knock knock knock"
Look up (through glass door directly facing me)
See Edgar.
Jump a mile high.
Do some adrenalin induced unstoppable Zulu war dance movement
Hit the floor
Leopard crawl into the safety of my bedroom and leave the band to deal with it.
(nice caz, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal subtle!)

Else he will come midway through our sunday afternoon nap. We'll hear a sound, assume it is the pooches. Stef will go to let them in... in his onnies as well and looking creased and messy haired and dubious in general and Hallooooo Edgar.

Probably the worst one, however, happened yesterday. My man had been changing a tire or something manly and as we walked back to the house I sensibly checked that there was no-one around before quietly making a somewhat lewd suggestion about him ... um ... well .... (*this blogger swallows and wonders who will read this post*) about him removing his...er...dirty clothing and ...er... lying next to me for a bit of a...rest. (Ok, fine, so it was said a whole lot more lewdly than that as is the prerogative of a wife)

naturally, obviously, predictably this is followed by a big smiled "Hi Edgar!" from the band who had spotted the landlord mere steps away lying down fixing something under a door.

Time to buy me some oil of olay

Ok.. the whole midway through my twenties thing is starting to get to me. Yes, I am halfway to 50. I get it. ha ha, right?

Being 25 is not all it's cracked up to be! On my birthday the teller wouldn't let me draw money. I couldn't understand it. Til later when I figured out that they have changed my account type... farewell practically zero bank charges on my student bank account. Good bye to the good life!!

Today I battled to wind up (yes, wind up) my car window... Is this the first sign of a failing body?? And if so, whose?? Mine or the car's???

I was at the Neelsie over lunch today and the noise gave me an awful headache.

Or maybe it wasn't the noise, but the call I got from the dear old lady trying her damndest to sell me FUNERAL COVER!!!

Battle of the bands

Gotta say these cheesy headings give me a kick every time.

So my band is amazing.

This is what he did for my birthday...

Wednesday was quiet, and we had a few friends around in the evening. Fire, snacks, vino, 30 seconds and tried to forget about the cricket and evil vodacom.

Thursday we drove through to Cape Town and he pulled up at the Cape Sun entrance... and in we checked(?) Lovely hotel... although the exterior lifts rocketing you up to the 28th floor on not for the faint hearted or the sensitive eardrummed!

We went for dinner that night at Caribbean Cafe in Long St. My Tuna steak was AMAZING!!!

The next morning I was finally allowed to open my last present... Canon Digital Camera... STOKED!

Went and checked out the National Gallery... it was mildly depressing (many many signs about how the government doesn't support them and they get no funding etc etc... plus they should play some background music or something!!!). Then went and wondered through some art galleries in stellies. Got home in the afternoon. The lounge had been cleared, there was a raging fire, a bottle of cab, two easles, and a bunch of art supplies and we painted.

How cute is that?

the other side

So remember my nemesis? the evil ones? they who can not be mentioned without my blood pressure rising faster than sea levels world wide? They who cause me to have more knots in my back than a retired wrestler octagenarian with arthritis? They who make me want to sit facing a corner crying big tears of hopeless frustration? THEY WHO ARE THE BAIN OF MY LIFE????????

Yes, dear friends, it is my sadistic service provider of whom I speak. VODACOM (cue thunder sounds)

You almost won't believe this. I will forgive you if you laugh in incredulous disbelief. I EVEN DID.

Read here for the beginning of this story.

Anyway, the basics is this: they stuffed up my account in november, then took R6000 out my bank in december (that's right - ruin my holiday) then barred me twice over new years. After HOURS literally on the phone having to endure their AWFUL call waiting music, finally at last it was all sorted out... or so they said... in january this year.

SO THEY SAID

Now get this. ON MY BIRTHDAY I receive a sweet little happy birthday sms from them. Minutes later i receive a second sms from them... saying I owe them money. And the amount they refer to is one of their bugger ups from SEPTEMBER last year.

Now honestly. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE OWN UP?? Is there a hidden camera on me waiting for me to lose it?? Is there some psychotic stalker ex boyfriend working at the rodent meerkat company trying to get his revenge??

VODACOM EMPLOYEE: IF YOU ARE OUT THERE: DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT IT IS COINCIDENCE THAT YOU BUGGERED UP MY CHRISTMAS, MY NEW YEARS AND NOW MY BIRTHDAY?? To the very day??????

YAY!!!

So this morning I was woken up to a vision.... with the light shining in from behind the mountain creating a halo effect around my very hot husband (and that's not the vision part...) holding a tray with.... prezzies and a milky coffee (my best) and a cheesy strawberry jammy croissant(y). mmmmmmmmmm

So yes, it is my birthday. And even though I am now old. (TWENTY FRIKKEN FIVE) I still can't pull off the whole "it's just another day" act.

I get jubilantly ridiculously excited about my birthday.

My work is FANTASTIC!!!

Everyone has come to wish me this morning. I even had a quartet minus one (is there a name for a singing trio?) sing me happy birthday and give me a panda balloon. How nice is that. PLUS i only work half day today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!! So I am going to enjoy the morning. Relishing in birthday cake and love and 2 ply and then go home and relish in some more loving.... (*caz smiles wickedly*)

What's in a name?

Well what is in a name? Why do we always manage to find such cheeseball names for stories, articles, essays and blog entries? So lame. Doesn't mean i intend to stop it!!!

Anyway, moving on from that random little tirade.

Names are the name of the game today. (More on that later!)
How many cliches do you think i can squish into one post?

No no limit, we'll reach for the skyyyyyyyy.

Ehem. Sorry. Forgive my jubilation. It's just that it is my birthday in 2 sleeps. No I am not stoked about reaching the kwarteeu (quarter of a century for the non saffers) milestone, it's just that birthdays are sooooo exciting. You get loads of gifts, but more importantly you get all the attention. What could possible be better? Phone calls, smses and loving aaaaall day! It's the perfect day really.

Except!!! One dark black cloud has moved accross the sun that is my big day...

The bluddy ICB (or something with three initials)has decided to go ahead and schedule the SA/Aussie semi final on MY day!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? Have they no decency at all?? How much attention is any male INCLUDING (and ESPECIALLY) my husband, my dad, my three brothers????? Not a whole lot I'm sure! Plus it is my mom's birthday on the day (so even the attention i would have gotten will be halved!)

Moving back to the subject of names...
Batchfoo... your bambino (if a girl) would make a very nice Caz the 2nd. And is a boy, maybe Kaz? (A kicking k just seems more masculine.)

Also on the topic of names. batchfoo quite rightly pointed out that no name blog needs a name. Any suggestions?

The true mark of a quality organization...

is 2-ply.

Now I know what you're thinking ("shouldn't it actually be 3-ply?"), but no, 3 ply is just a bit overboard. 2 ply does the job just fine.

Now you may think I have writer's block again and am just grasping here, but actually it is something I feel quite passionately about (well as passionately as someone can feel about toilet paper).

You can go to the shmanciest hotel or wine farm, but if you go to the bathroom and they are using that cheap ass 1 ply stuff you know that probably for all their big smiles and "welcome ma'ams" they are cheap underneath. The beautiful teak desk? Actually just pine with a varnish stain. The wooded chardonnay? Staves of low grade oak and no barrel usage at all. That selfnamed bottled water? Straight from the tap in the kitchen. Cheap Cheap Cheap.

Where am I going with all of this? What am I on about? From whence doth come mine inspiration? Well WWF may be an NGO (which by definition = strapped for cash) but they have class. That's right, my friends, 2 ply city here.