Karma kills me

so it seems that karma is no myth...even though your actions sometimes take more than a decade to come back and bite you. Ok, to be technically correct, the bite is still pending... but its probably inevitable.

I digress. Let me explain.

When I was about 8 years old, the movie Arachnophobia came out. Remember it? Low grade horror about an infestation of killer spiders in American suburbia? Well I watched it with my friend - probably illegally coz it must have had a mean age restriction in those days. Smartass that I tend to be, I sat next to her and subtly tickled her in the tensest moments of the movie - obviously every time she would completely FREAK OUT thinking it was a killer spider.

Stupid Stupid me.

Revenge is hell.

So jump forward 18 years. It's 2008 and I'm a grown up. Living in our quaint little home. Life is good. EXCEPT for the spiders.

Now I need to clarify here... I am not arachnophobic. At some point we had an infestation of brown widows - the only slightly less venomous cousin of the black widow - living in our kitchen and it didn't freak me out at all (especially after I doom fogged the living daylights out of them), jumping spiders? Annoying but otherwise no problem. It's the RAIN spiders that kill me. I mean seriously. Rain has all these soothing, life giving, gentle, clean, slow, healthy, peaceful connotations. RAIN SPIDERS on the other hand are scuttling, vicious, brown, hairy, vile, evil, sadistic, overgrown arachnids that resemble rodents. The fact that they appear with the rain is HARDLY their most prominent attribute and I propose that they should be more appropriately named!!!

Anyway, where was I? So a while ago, I am in my room, changing. So I am standing in the nick when I get the feeling someone is watching me. Many many eyes in fact. I look down and not far off is a spider the approximate size of my neighbours cat. HE IS STARING AT ME in the way that only a creature with compound eyes can. and I am naked. VIOLATED!!!! No, ladies, this is not a nightmare, it's absolutely true. HEEEEBEEEJEEEEBEEEES!!!! Naturally I leapt on the bed and phoned the band who was in the next room, to come and rescue me. But the emotional damage had been done.

After that I became a little more careful in the evenings, performing spider checks before bed. I check my bed, under the blankets, under the pillows and behind the door. So you'd think i was covered right? Right? WRONG. A few weeks ago I let down the blind and obviously heraldo the many legged wonder was kipping there. He LEAPT down, just inches from me... I think I even heard him scream at me. Little bastard.
I flew out the room and all was well for a while.... until last night.

Now I need to just tell you that this is TRAUMATIC at its worst. It would have sounded arb without all the above details, but considering the years of spider induced torment that I have endured, I trust you will be able to understand my hysteria following last night's incident.

This is what happened:
I went to my room to perform my nightly ritual spider check. I checked all the usual spots. Let down the blinds carefully keeping a safe distance when I saw her. *SHUDDER*

We have bedside tables and just under the one on the bands side I saw a shadow. I looked a little closer (all the while the dread was growing) and my worst fear was realised. It was a mother spider (Even as a i write this i'm itching like mad) and she was sitting on a massive ping pong sized hatch of furry spider eggs. SIFF MAN PEOPLE!!! She was RIGHT THERE. Like if he was in bed facing that way she could have stretched out her siff twiggy leg and stroked him. RIGHT THERE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!

OH THE ITCHINESS!!! So the band being the band went to collect a jar and as he was scooping her and her (*mini vomit*)offspring in he told her "I'm not happy about this. Not happy about this at all!" Then he went and let her free about 100m from our house.

I tried people. I tried to explain to him that because he never kills the bloody things they have begun to view our BEDROOM as a refuge. But no, he let her... nay, THEM free.

At this stage I had become a little hysterical. I grabbed our pillows and went to do a spider check in our spare room. The coast was clear (I made the band double check the scary bits like under the bed). After that I pretty much lay in bed freaking out. The band did his absolute best not to laugh at my tears of terror, but I heard a few snorts breaking through.

And that will teach me to scare my friend during a horror flick when I was 8 years old.

Crazed taxis and cheap chinese

So to even say "crazed taxis" in SA is utterly tautologic and verbose (for the super bright ones out there - anyone, anyone??? -yes, I do realise) but nevertheless, it must be said.

Capetonians who moan about taxis really have no clue. JHB taxis are a special special breed of crazy.

Cheap chinese. I'm not referring to the women in point rd (ok, fine, I know that's in durbs, sooorrrreeeeee for not knowing the local prozzie hang out in JHB), I'm referring to the meal I bought today from Kung Fu Kitchen. WHAT A BARGAIN!!

What else.. yesterday I met a tame(ISH) vulture named Percy - one of the reasons i'm in joburg was for the launch of this project through which we are working with the agricultural industry to save SA's vultures.

Anyway, the good news is that because JHB is so dry my hair is looking downright fabulous. (Yes, you can be straight and use that word!)

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE??

Monday on Friday

So today has been a crap one.
Woke up and made cereal and milky coffee.
The milk was off - it only expires on sunday, but nevertheless.

Work has been chaotic today. a bit much.

I had to have a flu injection - so much sorer than i remember injections being. feels like BOTH my arms and my spine are bruised. I may be a mild hypochondriac tho.

SOMEHOW i have agreed to go to this meeting tonight on the other side of the planet (well close), it's a planning meeting for this workshop that I have somehow been roped into giving on creative writing. I like writing and all that but I like my weekends more!!!

I have to be in JHB from Mon to Fri next week. ugh. That means dry hair, dry skin, getting hopelessly lost and eating on the run.

Anyone keen to host a little blog party while i'm there????

This celeb needs a PA

So I took my diary home last night (schoolgirl error) and left it there(obviously). There is not a whole lot of petrol in my car (I'm a struggling actress after all) and I am LOST without it. DAM
Forget "growing up"... it's more like getting old!! esp seeing as it is a mere 17 sleeps til my BIRTHDAY!!

TMZ ME

So it seems I'm destined for stalkers and paparazzi. I should probably start hitting the coke and wearing no undies. Fame is such a burden.

This week I presented 3 short segments on climate change on a tv programme. I KNOW!

It airs in May and then it's Hollywood for me baby!!

More disturbing evidence

that i am growing up...

I have joined a bookclub. (I KNOW!)

Well actually, that's not entirely accurate... I actually started the bookclub.

It all began when my friend max and i went to this cheese and wine thing at a local bookshop here in stellenbosch (hey, free chow, what can you do?)

We started dreaming big about.. well cheese and wine really. About how we'd have this bookclub and how we'd meet new people, (It's tough in stellenbosch when all your study mates have moved on to the big cities!!) how it would be dedicated girl time, how we'd dress all nicely and make great food, etc etc We discussed how the money would work for new books and how we would rotate venues and all that.

A tubby older guy was leaning in and eavesdropping in the unsubtle way that only men can manage* and eventually, clearly unable to restrain himself any longer, he came smugly out with it: "Why don't you just join a library, it's free and no effort at all". (Picture the giant lightbulb glowing above his head as he pronounced his solution).

"HALLO!!!!" read the big bold capital lettered thought bubble above our heads, "WERE YOU NOT JUST LISTENING TO OUR CONVERSATION??? DID YOU MISS THE FACT THAT BOOK CLUBS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH BOOKS*???"

"thanks" we smiled sweetly, "that's a really swell idea" (blink blink)

NOT

* Seriously, when i'm eavesdropping aint nobody gonna know about it. I can have a whole conversation while listening to the guy behind me. It's called multitasking!

** Actually they are merely a clever ruse for our strategic planning sessions in our bid for world domination

*** Glugs.. you never read the above. This is all a dream. This is all a dreeeeeeam

So apparantly I'm growing up

It's nearly TWO O CLOCK and I only juuuuuuust remembered that I have chocolate in my drawer.

NOT ANYMORE!!!

all you can take sushi

Last night we celebrated my buddy K's birthday at Jimmy’s killer prawns. Now I personally find it more than mildly disturbing that K (who is allergic to shellfish) would choose to celebrate his birthday at such an obviously fatal place. Anywho… these all you can eat sushi things are always a bad call. I should have known.

First of all it takes FOREVER to get your sushi. All the non-sushi eaters had ordered their calamari or prawns or whatever and finished it before we got our first plate (of course the sheer desperate starvation meant that we helped them finish their food...)

Secondly as the evening wore on, and our looks to the manager were infused with more and more venom, the little platters that were coming out of that sushi kitchen were getting smaller and dodgier…

The one thing that I got was thin slivers of cucumber and a sliver of prawn tied together with seaweed. RANDOM. K got a maki roll with seaweed surrounding rice and nothing else. No fish. Nada. Then later they seemed to run out of avo and rice. That got interesting. Oblong oval kind of seaweed shapes with only fish inside. All shlopped apart in the soya sauce.

For the record I should mention that the sushi chefs looked suspiciously Korean or Vietnamese… IMPOSTERS!! And I think that the manager was probably helping them out in the end. It was that bad!

anyone had a dodgy sushi encounter?

looong weekend

what a great weekend. and how stoked am i that 2 May is now a public holiday. VIVA to our comrades in COSATU!

This weekend I:
* went to a wedding
* saw an owl
* ate too much chocolate
* went to the beach
* read lots
* sat on my stoep and bird-watched with my new binocs (hey, birdwatching's cool!)
* discovered more Dharma Initiative hatches in the wild places above our farm
* did something wild in the wild places above our farm ;o)
* baked peanut butter cookies

All in all a satisfactorily (say that 10 times fast) unproductive weekend... just what i needed.

Bag Tag

So EM&CT tagged me to reveal the contents of my handbag. At first I thought my contents would be VERY boring and minimal, until I discovered a little gem still in there from the weekend... but I digress.

This is the handbag:

(I know - brown worn leather look - I really am such a cliche. I make myself sick.) but I do love it.

And these are the contents:



It contains:
* one random green ribbon
* my wallet (brown worn leather - no surprises there)
* some of my business cards (slightly crushed)
* a listerine pocket pack (freebie from the argus expo - SCORE!)
* my argus entry details
* some highlighters
* some pens
* the latest letter from my gran
* some nail polish and a nail file - old and not very useful anymore
* lipgloss
* some ancient wimpy sweets
* savlon cream? no idea
* and my personal favourite... a black g-string (I KNOW!!)

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!!

M-ing it up

So yesterday was my grad ceremony. The reason my folks and gran were down to visit.

It was great for 3 main reasons:
* I got the day off work
* I got given roses and earrings and chocolates (and attention) by my loved ones
* Had a great evening with the fandam

So the day started with this seminar thing. All the M graduates from my department had to present their research to students, family and friends. It was quite boring in general, some of the people went into minute detail (freaks) and made crappy powerpoints. Mine was obviously the most interesting (the band confirmed this) and featured lots of funny pics. My topic was Climate Change in the Media. (Basically my findings were that the media suck and we're all going to die) Ok, not actually, but I'm on a little bit of a sugar rush (from the aforementioned chocolates) and that always makes me a little sharp-edged.

After that we had this amazing lunch. REALLY GOOD.

Then it was off to grad. It was a loooong HOT wait and I had to sneak into the grad storeroom to get my other coloured band thingies coz they didn't have them there and really, if I'm going to sit through the entire (1st half) of a ceremony to cross a stage, I can at least be wearing my previous stripy thingmajigs.

After doing my lap on stage I escaped (as per family tradition) through the toilets/emergency exit under the stage.

My family were duly proud (much more proud of my early sneaky escape than my degree I think) and it meant we got an extra hour or so for a sundowner at The Terrace before heading to dinner. (Sushi for me obviously)

The Caz Inn is now closed to business

After 2 weeks the last of our visitors finally left this morning. Tonight I plan to slouch around in my undies or kaalgat, to leave the marg out, leave the toilet seat up, not replace the TP roll, use all the hot water in one long shower and not wash the dishes.

ok, ok, that really sounds 100% more like the band than me! I don't think I'll do any of the above, but the point is that if I WANTED to I could!

So my units left this morning along with my gran - she's nearly 89 and her name is Noon and she rocks! I miss them already to be honest.

For 2 weeks between the band's folks and mine our fridge has seen some serious action and our cars have never been so full of petrol for so long. We've eaten like kings and been generally spoilt.

BUT I can't wait to get home tonight, plop on the couch, eat something effortless and watch a movie.

To EM&CT

My loyalist and longest reader....

We've been through a lot together - new jobs, new degrees, new bands, inlaws, outlaws, new marriages, new men, new bambinos, new puppies and my best: the myspace deception. This poem is for you...

An ode

You are the mucous that binds us bloggers
You are not unlike Pritt
EM and CT:
the blogosphere you have uplit

You speak a lot of sense
You speak a lot of sh.. um .. wit
You speak a lot in general
The guys all think you're fit

The end x

This is fantastic...

It's business time... click here!

HIGH ALERT: Maternal unit on the move

So the most loyal readers (anyone? ANYONE??) will remember me fearing my mother's visits. Remember the nightmare where she comes to my front door all Agnes Matabani-like and enquires whether I have stains in my toylet??

It's happening again.

I've had people (many many people...aka The Others) staying in my house since last Friday. People who love to spoil (and i use the term without any affection) the dogs and invite them on the couch. People who are very unfazed by untidiness.

Well the MIL and FIL leave tomorrow morning and my parental units arrive on Saturday morning. SERIOUSLY!! Add to this that my housecleaner (Home Executive? Char? Maid???)is not well and hasn't been in a week and you can just imagine...

It's not pretty. Tomorrow night is going to be a looooong one involving too much cleaning and not enough "catching up" with my band.

The happy news is that the reason for my folks visit is my graduation on Tuesday. YAY!! They are so loyal - it's my 3rd grad and they always come and sit through the whole boring thing. Last time I escaped out the emergency exit after doing my lap and smsd them from outside.

The cringy thing happens before the grad - I have to give a presentation of my research to a group of students, family and friends. BLIND! My dad reckons it's expected of him to ask appropriately challenging questions.... oh he'll be so sorry if he does!!!! :)

The Others remain

So most of The Others have left, just the MIL and FIL left. They leave on Friday.

All is going ok. The Father-in-Law took it upon himself to defrost my freezer and the Mother-in-Law insisted I try her nail strengthening stuff. I have decided to embrace both of these actions as perks and read nothing into them.

Also they have done a substantial amount of shopping. Our fridge has never seen so much action... ever! There is about 4 litres of milk in there (woolworths, low fat), an exotic variety of yoghurts (woolworths, full cream), a brick of cheddar (woolworths, R60), a massive jar of mayonnaise (woolworths, approx 99% pure fat) and an eclectic mix of salad ingredients, juices and vegetables (all, obviously, woolworths). In my cupboards I have also discovered about 5kg of sugar (woolworths) and much 2-ply (also, yup, woolworths). Our breadbin features a variety of (woolworths) loaves and our cupboard a nice array of brand new (woolworths) gravys, spices and tinned tomatoes.

They sleep with their bedroom door open which is a little creepy coz I never know if they're awake when I walk past to the bathroom. Also, seeing as our room is next door, not much room is left for any.. well .. oh nevermind!

As mentioned previously, the dogs think they have died and gone to doggy heaven. THEY ARE LIVING IT UP IN A BIG WAY!! Always on a lap, or WORSE: in their room with them. No doubt by the time MY folks arrive on Saturday (Yup, the in laws leave and my folks arrive!!!) the room will be filled with fleas. LOVELY!! Also, I bet that by Friday the dogs will be accustomed to Woolworths dog food and will be refusing the cheap stuff they previously loved.

Anyone got any in-law / future in-law stuff to share?

Spandex... looooots of spandex

So The Others arrived on Friday as planned. The house looks........ interesting.

I find it quite fascinating co-habiting with Other People... I guess everyone secretly feels that their own family is normal and the way they do things is right. (I obviously do) So for example, I think my in-laws find it weird that I use a handtowel-like thing as a bath mat. I think big thick rubber lined bathmats are urgly. Similarly ...oh and this is a BIG one... they DEFINITELY find it weird that I am not happy with the muttlies being allowed on laps or couches. Yes, great guys, let's just develop horrendous habits so I can unteach them when you're gone.

Trying to coordinate the movements of 8 people was definitely more exhausting than the argus. On Saturday we all went through to CT to register for the race. They have this huge expo where everyone tries to sell you "essentials" for the race. I scored plenty of freebies and handouts without buying a thing. My freebies include:
* several razors (nice ones, mens and ladies)
* 3 bottles of nasal spray
* two packets of breath mints
* a tin of tuna
* a deodorant
* a body butter
* plenty of random samples of random energy drinks
* a leg massage
* a gross energy bar

There was other stuff, but I can't remember it all now.

Anyway, can you imagine 8 of us in this huge big expo centre trying to find everyone, trying to get everyone ready to leave, and then one car following the other through cape town traffic. Sounds not unlike hell to me.

And on to the Argus...
for the non SA people out there, the Argus Cycle Tour is 109km cycle through the most beautiful parts of Cape Town, around the peninsula and over Chapman's Peak, through Camp's Bay back to greenpoint.

This was my first argus and being more of a mathlete than an athlete I was understandably nervous. Let it be known that there was NO sleep on Saturday night. I suspect though that this may be more because of all the samples of energy drinks and the three weeks of carbo loading (I know I know)than nerves.

Sunday FINALLY came and we were off. We only started after 10am and yes, it was frikken BOILING on Sunday. But beyond all likelihood I LOVED EVERY MOMENT OF THE ARGUS. What's not to love? For a whole day you have thousands of people shouting nice things to you and encouraging you and telling you you're looking great and you can do it. You have people offering to fill your water bottle, you have people handing you free juice and bar ones, you have people offering to cool you down by pouring water on you. Little kids want to high five you as you ride by (in retrospect their intentions were probably evil - there is a looot of gusto in those high fives and I did well to stay on my bike!), you have physios at your beck and call (dam straight I cashed in!). As I'm sure you can imagine I was loving the crowd... at some point I sparked a Mexican wave. It was my moment people!

All in all I LOVED it. Chapman's Peak is overrated. Not tough at all. And the only part of me that hurts is my chafed bum.

Dont say I'm not honest!

So perfect

This is my band, Into the Great Wide Open (IGWO for short) with our latest album Nature Cures the Disease.



NOW WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF MINE???

This is how you can get your own band!
1. Click this link. The first title on this page is the name of your band.


2. Now click this link. The last four words of the very last quote is the name of your album. If it doesn't work at all, click the "New Random Quotations" button for more.


3. And finally, click this link. The third picture on this page will be your album cover. Add your band name and album title, and you're done! (Please remember to give credit for the original picture.)

(Thanks to Expensive Mistakes for introducing me to my band!! Click here to visit her blog and see her latest album. Click here to vote for her in the SA Bloggers Awards under the Best Personal Blog category.

The Others are COMING!

So on Friday my inlaws arrive. Not just my MIL and FIL, but also the brother(s)-in-law and sister(s)-in-law. YUP!!! The WHOLE ENTIRE CLAN. It could be testing to say the least.

6 extra people in our two bedroom, 1 loft, ONE BATHROOM cottage is going to be.. interesting. My inlaws are caravanners. Gypsies of sorts if you will.
As a result they are used to setting up shop wherever they roam. Last time my MIL was here she even brought her SERVIETTE HOLDER!!! (I kid you not!!)

The good news is that while they are not light packers by any stretch of the imagination, their luggage ALWAYS includes presents and yummy foodstuffs.

My MIL is a jewelry maker - into her beading and whatnot - but fortunately she is actually dam talented at it so I have HEAPS of beautiful jewelry (Ok, it's beside the point that i wear the same necklace and bangle every day - if i WANTED to venture out I could!!). Also she is a baker... LOVES to bake for her favourite youngest child aka The Band. And he is great at hinting for greek shortbread (I know!!), crunchies, cheesecake, rusks and so on. (DAM I feel obesity coming on).

All of us, aside from the MIL, are doing the argus on sunday. THat's a LOT of spandex that's going to be congregating in my little housie.
PEOPLE, WISH ME LUCK!