Saturday, July 16, 2011

Grief

I watched as tandi drifted to sleep in the car seat next to me. I thought to myself "oh I DO love this girl" and as I spoke the words in my head, I heard Noon's voice. That phrase was something she'd declare emphatically whenever she was with Phoebe. And in that moment that stranglehold particular to grief grasped at my windpipe. What if she's not there? What if they're not there? What if heaven is not what I believe? What a despairing, awful lonely thought. I miss my gran with a fierce pain.

6 comments:

Lynette said...

You have been on my mind since I read this entry on Saturday...I wish I could sit and hold your hand and comfort you. I can't so I just want to give you a word of comfort out of Oswald Chambers book:

"Jesus said there are times when God cannot lift the darkness from you, but you should trust Him. At times God will appear like an unkind friend, but He is not; He will appear like an unnatural father, but He is not; He will appear like an unjust judge, but He is not. Keep the thought that the mind of God is behind all things strong and growing. Not even the smallest detail of life happens unless God’s will is behind it. Therefore, you can rest in perfect confidence in Him."

Angel said...

What if...
The "what if" thoughts can drive you crazy. I hope your pain didn't last long and that your faith in what you know made you feel better.

Caz said...

Thank you both.
Lynette I'm a fan of OC. Thanks for that quote. it's great. And Angel - yes it did. I do know.

Joanne said...

I read this post to a colleague at work and she burst into tears - she is normally a stone. You are amazing!

Shayne said...

What if what if what if?

there are so many what if's we could ask ourselves and never know the answers too and in turn we would go made trying to guess.

Heaven is there as the Bible says - we just have to believe this. I don't have the wisdom that Lynette has, but you just have to believe and trust in your faith and our God. And know that one day you will be reunited with your precious angel. x

Baju Muslim said...

I like that that you say {as|like} my friend thanks