Lost

My entire post. And I had dug deep for it too.

South African tragedy update

Lily was transferred to Tygerberg today for an operation on her leg. Mavis doesn't know what the op was for as it wasn't explained to them.

Mavis says she's worried about Kuselwa (Lily's mom). When they phoned her about the op a blood vessel burst in Kuselwa's eye. The same thing happened to my dad when he heard that Noon had died. I guess its just that spike in blood pressure.

I asked Mavis how everyone was doing two years later. She says the other kids (mavis's kids and the other cousins - Lily is Kuselwa's only child) don't want to speak about lily.

Mavis is worried about Kuselwa. Worried about her heart. She says she's been crying a lot and she's so stressed. Mavis is worried she might have a stroke or something.

It's a living nightmare. Can you even begin to imagine it?

Anyway the op has now been canceled because Lily's chest isn't well enough for an op.

I get numbed to this story and the shock of it all recedes but then when something happens like today I'm sickened and heartbroken all over again. And what do I possibly say to Kuselwa? What possible comfort is there in this horror story? Only that my heart hurts for her and that I am praying.

Grief Season

It's pounced on me all of a sudden this year. In less than a month it will be 2 years. Can you even believe that?

And when I think about it, when I see (and hear) the first beginnings of spring, I am transported back to that first Grief Season. The Aftermath of The Watershed. And my walls begin to crumble and a lump takes up permanent residence in my throat - sometimes it sits there almost minding it's own business, but sometimes, when I allow myself to succumb to it, it swells. Choking me.